_______________

The door slid shut behind him cutting off the noise. It'd become too much, hearing the loud voices and happy chatter. He didn't begrudge them their celebration. It had been a near thing. Death had been breathing down their necks for weeks now, but they'd escaped its clutches in the most unexpected manner.

The Asgard.

The Asgard had shown up out of nowhere - unexpectedly, surprisingly, blessedly - two days before the Daedalus was expected. Freed from the threat of the Replicators - thanks to SG-1, Rodney hadn't been surprised to learn - they'd acceded to SGC's request that they assist in the battle against the Wraith. A fleet of four Asgard ships had descended on the hive ships like the US Cavalry in an old Western and destroyed them. Afterward it had only been a matter of taking out the darts and the invaders and rescuing as many of the culled humans as possible. The fight had been hard and bloody, but now it was over and the survivors were celebrating.

McKay knew he should be celebrating too. They'd won. Atlantis was safe, for now. The Daedalus was expected the next day bringing with it a ZPM and replacement Naquadah generators as well as much needed supplies and reinforcements. Soon the shields would be operational again. There might even be enough power left over to open the Stargate to Earth occasionally.

In the meantime, the Asgard had supplied them with a few power generators they were able to retrofit to replace depleted or destroyed Naquadah generators enabling them to get the most important systems online right away. There was still an ungodly amount of work to do, but the immediate danger was over. It was certainly a cause for celebration.

He walked across the balcony and laid his hands on top of the balustrade staring blindly out at the vast ocean that surrounded the island city. It all seemed so calm and peaceful now. The guns were silent, the sky was clear of darts, and if he tried hard enough he could ignore the smell of death that still hung heavily in the air.

Rodney lifted his head and looked up into the bright blue sky, eyes straining even though he knew he wouldn't see what he longed for. There would be no flash of silver streaking across the sky to glide effortlessly into the city. In the heat of the battle, they'd lost contact with him, and the Asgard had not noticed one small Puddle Jumper carrying one brave, foolish human. Since then, they'd heard nothing, no matter how many times they'd hailed him.

Rodney's fingers grasped the railing and his jaw clenched in an effort to keep the cry of anguish in. He was gone. He'd died a hero. A stupid. Fucking. Hero. His hand drew into a fist and he pounded the top of the balustrade punctuating each word, tears burning his eyes. If only he'd been able to...

He heard the door open behind him and stiffened, rapidly blinking back the tears. He didn't want to talk to anyone. He wanted solitude. That's why he'd come out here, for God's sake. Couldn't he have just one minute to himself?

"Rodney?"

He closed his eyes and tried to rein in his temper. He didn't answer.

"Rodney," Elizabeth said again, her voice soft but insistent. "We just got word from the Asgard. They located a disabled Puddle Jumper drifting not far from where they took out the hive ships."

McKay spun around and stared at Elizabeth. "Sheppard?"

Weir nodded. "He's hurt, Rodney. Badly. It appears he may have been caught in the crossfire between the Asgard and the Wraith. Thankfully the bomb didn't detonate, but there was a fire inside the ship."

Rodney blanched.

"He was lucky that the Puddle Jumper's internal sensors put the fire out before the ship's life support was damaged, but John was badly burned. The Asgard said that they'd beam him directly to the infirmary. Carson's preparing for him. They should be here shortly."

Rodney ran past her, not even realizing he pushed her out of his way. He was gasping for breath by the time he reached the infirmary, and one of the medical personnel caught him when he would have pushed his way in.

"You can't go in there, Dr. McKay. It's sterilized. If you go in there you'll contaminate everything."

He continued struggling, not understanding anything the man was saying, wanting only to be there when the Asgard delivered John. It was Elizabeth shouting at him, calling his name and pulling on his arm that finally got through.

"Rodney! Rodney, stop it! We have to wait out here. Rodney, you'll kill him if you go in!"

The last stopped him cold. He turned to look at Elizabeth. She nodded to the two Marines that had joined in the struggle. "He's all right now." Turning back to Rodney she pulled him over to a bench and gently pushed him down. "We can wait here."

McKay was vaguely aware when Teyla and Ford joined them. The young Marine slid down a wall until he was seated on the floor, his legs drawn up, his arms resting on his knees and his hands clasped. His head was bent over and his eyes were closed. Rodney heard him murmur the Pater Noster over and over, and for the first time since childhood, Rodney silently joined in.

They waited what seemed an eternity to Rodney but in reality was only about an hour before Carson came out. He looked chalk-white and drawn, but he put on his best professional manner.

"I won't lie to you," he told them. "It's bad. He's got burns over ninety percent of his body. There are also some internal injuries. It's a miracle he's alive."

Rodney felt his stomach lurch and bile burn at the back of his throat.

"What are his chances, Carson?" Elizabeth asked in a soft quavering voice.

"If we were back on Earth, I'd say none at all," Carson told her. "Fortunately, we're here. I've put Major Sheppard in a medical stasis unit."

"Stasis?" Rodney said sharply. "What good will stasis do him? You think someone will get around to healing him in ten thousand years?"

Carson shook his head and gave Rodney a weary smile. "It's not that kind of stasis. Not the kind that the other Elizabeth was in. This is medical stasis. Radek and I have been working on figuring out how the machine works for a couple months now. All we needed was enough power to activate it. Fortunately for the Major, we've got that now."

"What does it do?" Elizabeth asked.

"If it works properly, it's going to repair all the damage for us. It'll take a little while, possibly a month or more, but when it's finished, John should be as good as new."

"What, it's like a Goa'uld sarcophagus?" Rodney asked.

"Similar, yes."

"And this machine will heal Major Sheppard?" Ford asked eagerly.

"We hope so, lad."

"If it works properly," Rodney said flatly.

Dr. Beckett sighed. "Major Sheppard has the strongest ATA gene of any of us. We're hoping the machine will work on him just as it did on the Ancients. But, Rodney, he is human. We just don't know if it'll repair all the damage."

He turned back to Weir. "I'm sorry, Elizabeth. It's the best we can do."

Elizabeth gave him a small smile. "Thank you, Carson. It's more than we could have hoped for."

The doctor nodded his head and turned away to return to his patient.

"When can I-we see him?" Rodney asked insistently.

Beckett turned back and frowned, a thoughtful look on his face. "Not now. Once he's out of the machine, if all goes well. I'll let you know."

Weir, Ford and Teyla hugged in relief, but Rodney just stood there staring at the closed door.

He was alive.

He would probably recover.

Rodney turned and walked away without a word to the others.

____________

Over the next several weeks Rodney hounded Dr. Beckett – Rodney would have said he made polite inquiry – about John's status. It got to the point where Carson was afraid to leave the infirmary, though more often than not Rodney would just track him down there. It was at one of these times that the stasis machine began flashing lights and readouts and then shut itself off.

Carson ran into the room and ran a scanner over his patient while Rodney checked the readouts in an attempt to determine why the machine had shut off. His heart was pounding in fear and he had to tightly narrow his focus to the job at hand, ignoring the medical team that swarmed around John like bees around a honey pot.

"I can't find anything wrong with this thing," Rodney shouted in aggravation. Hitting his comm button, he snapped, "Zelenka, get to the infirmary immediately. The Major's stasis..."

"Rodney," Carson called. "Never mind. The machine's done its job."

Rodney's head snapped up and he looked to see that Carson was smiling while he read his medical scanner.

"It's done?"

"Aye. John still has some healing to do, but he's no longer in danger." Carson looked over at Rodney then, his smile beaming. "He'll live, Rodney, and be none the worse for his adventure."

Rodney leaned his hands on the table where he'd been working and bowed his head, weakened with relief. He looked up again when he heard Carson giving orders to remove the Major from the machine. He watched as John's naked body was carefully lifted from the machine and laid on a gurney to be whisked into the infirmary proper. He stood in the doorway and watched as John was dressed in a hospital gown and transferred to a bed where IV needles were inserted and monitors were attached. When at last John was all tucked in and Carson's minions had scurried off, Rodney hesitantly walked over to John's bedside. He glanced over when Carson came to stand beside him.

"Why is his skin so raw looking?"

"Rodney," Carson said gently. "It was burned black when we got him. This is wonderful. A bloody miracle."

Rodney shuddered at the thought of the pain John had suffered. As if reading his mind Carson said, "He'll be okay now, Rodney. Don't worry."

Rodney reached out a hand and then drew it back without touching John. "I hope so, Carson. It's not like I have so many friends I can afford to lose one."

Carson reached up and patted Rodney on the shoulder and then left him there.

____________

Rodney stopped by the infirmary every free moment he had, but as luck would have it, he was working when John finally regained consciousness. He walked into the infirmary to see him sitting up and flirting with a pretty blonde nurse. Rodney's heart leapt at the sight, but his face revealed none of his inner joy.

Walking toward the bed he rolled his eyes at John's antics and said, "Guess you're feeling better if you can go into your Captain Kirk routine."

John glanced over and smirked. "A pretty woman always makes me feel better," he said, giving the nurse a wink. She smiled, finished checking his IV bags, handed him a glass of juice and left.

"So, Atlantis is still here," John said, sipping the juice through a straw, a wince the only sign of the discomfort he was feeling.

"Yes it is, thanks to the Asgard."

"Yeah, Carson was telling me about them. Little gray men like in the alien autopsy?"

"You watched the alien autopsy?" Rodney said, staring at John incredulously.

Another patented Sheppard smirk. Rodney almost wept seeing that smirk. After weeks of constant fear and worry, Rodney finally believed that John was well and truly alive.

"So, how much longer do you have to be here?"

John shrugged, and then winced again from the movement. "Carson says my skin has to heal some more, and he wants to keep an eye on me to make sure I don't develop any infections." He gave Rodney a small smile. "Guess I'm lucky to be alive."

Rodney swallowed and then smiled back. "I never doubted you'd be all right for a minute."

____________

Rodney wasn't the only one who came to see John. Almost everyone in the city wanted to visit but Carson limited the number of visitors permitted. Elizabeth, Ford, Teyla, Rodney, and a few others had visiting privileges. The rest, he decreed, would just have to wait until John was ambulatory again.

John's good mood at being alive lasted for about a week before the pain he was in and his natural restlessness made him so cranky that his visitors dwindled until only Rodney came on a daily basis. John's irritability didn't bother Rodney since irritability was Rodney's forte. They watched DVDs on Rodney's laptop, talked about what was going on in the city, argued about everything and anything that took their fancy, and occasionally, when John wasn't feeling particularly well, Rodney would read to him from one of the books that had been lent to the invalid. Two weeks after he woke up, Carson gave in to his demands and released him under orders he remain in his quarters until Carson felt he was ready to be up and about.

John's skin was better now, though still tight and painful as if he had the world's worst sunburn. Rodney stopped by John's quarters one night shortly after he'd had been released from the infirmary to find a shirtless John sitting on his bed and looking like a circus contortionist, his arms twisted behind his back as far as they could reach.

Rodney stood in the open doorway watching for a couple seconds before he snapped, "What are you doing?"

John sighed and pulled his arms forward again. His hands were covered in a white cream. "Trying to rub this stuff on my back," he said. "It's supposed to help it heal."

"I see. And asking for help never crossed your mind?"

Sheppard shrugged. "Didn't feel like walking all the way to the infirmary just to have someone put this on me."

Rodney rolled his eyes in irritation. "Give it to me," he demanded putting down the chess set he'd brought and holding out his hand.

John looked rather startled and then grinned and handed the tube to Rodney. "Thanks."

He scooted around so that Rodney could reach his back. Rodney sat on the bed, squeezed a bit of the cream out onto his fingers and stared at John's slender, muscular back with a yearning that took his breath away. Swallowing and bringing his wayward thoughts back under control, he began to rub the medicated cream into John's tender skin. A few patches were rougher and more painful and John hissed and stiffened when Rodney's hand brushed across them.

"Sorry," Rodney murmured, using even lighter strokes as he worked the cream into the sensitive areas.

"It's okay," John said turning to look at Rodney with a tight smile. "I really appreciate you doing this."

"I'd have done it sooner if you'd said something," Rodney snapped, his voice harsh even as his fingers gently applied the cream. When John's back was completely covered, he reluctantly withdrew his hand and stood up from the bed where he'd been sitting behind John.

"So, all done. Feel better?"

"Yeah. That's great, Rodney, thanks," John said as he gingerly twisted back around. Rodney was watching him more closely now, and he spotted the look of discomfort that flashed across John's face.

"What?"

John looked up at him in confusion. "What, 'what'?"

"You winced."

"It hurts a bit."

"So you winced because your back still hurts?"

"Well... yeah," John said, not really looking at Rodney.

"Where else?"

"Nowhere else. It's okay."

Rodney just stared at him.

Finally John sighed and said. "The back of my legs hurt too. I can take care of that myself though. Mostly."

"Mostly."

"It's kind of hard to bend over. Look, I don't want to bother you..."

"Oh, shut up and take your pants off."

John's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Take my pants off?"

Rodney rolled his eyes in disgust. "Yes. Take your pants off and lie on your stomach, and please refrain from making juvenile comments."

John smirked. "Now you just took all the fun out of it."

Standing up, he unfastened his trousers and dropped them to the floor. Still clad in his boxers, he lay down cradling his face in his pillow. Rodney shook his head. The back of John's legs were more raw looking than his back had been, irritated by the rough cotton of his pants legs.

"You're a moron, you know that, right?" Rodney said in disgust. "Why the hell are you even bothering with pants? No one's here but you."

"You're here."

"I see," Rodney said as he began at John's ankles rubbing the healing cream in. "I cause you to resort to maidenly modesty, do I? How very nineteenth century of you."

"It's just polite to greet a visitor dressed," John said defensively.

Rodney snorted and continued applying the cream. The ankles and calves caused no problems, but as soon as Rodney reached the back of John's knees and then the back of his thighs, he had to close his eyes for a second and pull himself back under control. Touching John was torture. And delight. His long firm legs covered in dark hair gave Rodney visions of having those legs wrapped around him, of having his head between them doing all the things to Major John Sheppard he'd ever dreamed of.

Keeping his jaws tightly clamped together, he smoothed the cream onto John's poor abused skin. When he reached the hem of the boxers he hesitated. John had been lying quietly relaxed, his head nestled in his pillow and his eyes closed while Rodney applied the cream. When Rodney stopped, he half-opened his eyes and looked back.

"Something wrong?"

"I've gone as far as I can. You can probably get the rest yourself."

"Oh," John said, sounding slightly disappointed.

Rodney looked at him and trembled a little. "You want me to keep going?" he asked in a soft voice.

"I..."

Rodney's heart started to pound and he licked his lips before reaching up to grasp the waistband of John's shorts. "Lift up your hips."

John looked at him for a second, uncertainty plain on his face. Rodney did his best to keep his face impassive. Neither spoke, and at last John lifted his hips allowing Rodney to slowly draw the boxers down until they were around John's knees. John's backside was as red and sore looking as the rest of him and Rodney felt guilty at how much he wanted to put his mouth on it, taste it, touch it. Picking up the tube again with slightly shaking hands, he applied more cream to his palm, rubbed his hands together and leaning forward, began to lightly smooth the cream over John's buttocks. John stiffened slightly under his touch and Rodney pulled back.

"Maybe I should stop," he said in a tight voice."

"No, don't," John said. "It...," John swallowed. "It feels good. That cream."

With a feeling like he was being stretched on a rack, Rodney leaned forward again and continued massaging the cream into John's buttocks and thighs. When John spread his legs just a bit to allow Rodney better access for his ministrations, Rodney almost whimpered.

When he was finally finished, he recapped the tube, placed in on John's nightstand and reached down to pull John's shorts back up. John's voice stopped him. "Rodney, don't."

Rodney pulled back, his face burning with embarrassment. "Yeah, I'll... I'll just go and wash my hands." Getting up, he hurried to the bathroom, allowing the door to slide closed behind him. Touching John like that had been the best and worst thing he'd ever done in his life. He was so hard he ached, and he didn't know how he was going to go back in there in his current condition. He turned on the faucet and washed his hands and then splashed cold water on his face. When he felt he was more under control, he exited the bathroom.

John was still lying on his stomach, his underwear back in place. His head was turned toward Rodney and he gave him a faint smile. "Thanks, I..."

Rodney cut him off rather abruptly. "No problem." He picked up his chess set from where he'd left it and walked to John's door. "I'll let you rest now. See you later."

He barely heard John's hesitant, "Good night," before the door closed behind him.

____________

As so often happened in Atlantis, there was a crisis that Rodney needed to attend to that kept him working until quite late the following evening. When at last he was free, he hesitated over whether or not he should stop by John's quarters. After all, it was nearly midnight. John would probably be asleep. Rodney knew that he was grabbing at excuses to stay away from him for a while. The sense memory of touching John still lingered on his hands, and he was afraid he'd slip, show his true feelings. It was the one thing he feared above all else. The last thing he wanted to do was to put their friendship and working relationship in jeopardy. But if he didn't go, would John think that by asking for his help he'd made Rodney feel uncomfortable around him? He didn't want that either. He'd do anything for John, regardless of the pain to himself.

After careful consideration, Rodney thought the best thing to do was to act as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. He'd stop by, make sure John was okay and didn't need anything, and then he'd go to his own quarters.

Yes, that was the best way to handle the situation.

He arrived at John's quarters and knocked on the door. The door slid open and he entered to see John sitting on his bed reading a book clad only in his shorts. John smiled when he saw him.

"Glad to see you took my advice," Rodney said with a smirk.

"Yeah, well I'm just glad it was you knocking at my door. It'd be embarrassing if it were Teyla or Elizabeth."

Rodney snorted and stepped farther into the room allowing the door to shut. "Yeah, I could see how your scrawny legs would give someone of delicate constitution a fit of the vapors."

"Hey, I have manly legs," John protested, looking down at said limbs with a slight frown.

Rodney rolled his eyes and sat down on the end of the bed.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better, thanks. You're late. I was beginning to think you weren't coming by tonight."

Rodney smirked. "Just another emergency that couldn't be resolved without me."

Sheppard grinned. "Are there any other kind?"

"No," Rodney grinned back and relaxed. John was acting completely normal around him. No awkwardness. No embarrassment.

"So, how's the back tonight?" he blurted, and then wished he could bite his tongue out. Excellent, Rodney, he chastised himself. Let's make sure you remind John that you had your hands on his ass last night.

"Well, now that you asked," John said just a little shyly. He reached over to his nightstand and picked up the tube of cream. "Would you mind putting this on me again?"

Rodney's heart did a little flip as he stood up and took it from his hand. "Yeah, okay."

John smiled, got off the bed, turned his back to Rodney and shoved his boxers off. Lying down on his stomach, he wrapped his arms around his pillow and closed his eyes, a small smile curving his lips. The skin was still far too red and there were still too many raw patches, but Rodney was sure he'd never seen anything quite so beautiful. Nor had anything caused Rodney so much pain as touching this man he knew he could never have.

The torture continued for the next several nights. Rodney anticipated and dreaded the time he spent in John's company now. During the early part of the evening they'd play chess and talk about what was happening in the City, how the repairs were going, or what news the other teams brought back from off-world. But always before he left, John would strip down, lie on his stomach and allow Rodney to smooth the cream into his rapidly healing skin.

John healed while Rodney burned.

On the seventh night, Rodney was surprised to find John completely dressed.

"Expecting company?" Rodney asked.

"Carson said I'm ready for light duty. I can even leave my quarters without getting thrown back into the infirmary."

"Oh. Well, good. You have plans for tonight, then?"

"Thought I'd take a walk around, see how the city's looking for myself, maybe go outside and get some fresh air."

"Oh. Okay. Well, guess I'd better let you get to it," Rodney said and turned to leave.

"Rodney," John called after him, his voice stopping Rodney in his tracks. "I thought maybe you'd come along. Explain what's happening."

Rodney smiled a little and said, "I can do that."

They walked through the halls of the city while Rodney showed John the repairs and power upgrades they'd been able to jury-rig with the Asgard generators. "We're hoping that the Daedalus can bring us more of the Mark II Naquadah generators on its next run," Rodney explained. The tour was constantly being interrupted by the inhabitants of Atlantis who wanted to greet the recuperated Major. At last they ducked out onto one of the balconies with a breathtaking view of the city and ocean.

They leaned on their forearms on the railing and quietly enjoyed the view and the soft ocean breeze. John looked up at the myriad stars shining down and said softly, "I didn't think I'd ever see this again."

Rodney stiffened and stood straight.

John noticed Rodney's reaction and asked, "What's the matter?"

"Nothing."

"Uh huh. Try again."

Rodney closed his eyes as the feelings of guilt he'd been carrying for weeks washed over him again. "Because of me."

John wrinkled his forehead and straightened up. "What are you talking about?"

Rodney swallowed and turned away from John, looking once more out at the ocean. "I should have been able to find a way to send that Puddle Jumper out under remote control like we'd planned. You should never have had to fly it yourself."

"Rodney," John said firmly, putting his hand on Rodney's shoulder and turning him back around. "You did everything you could. We just didn't have enough power. It wasn't your fault."

"I should have found a way to get more power," Rodney snapped. "I'm supposed to be this big fucking genius, the go-to guy that solves the unsolvable problems, and I failed!"

He pulled away from John and grasped the rails staring blindly off into the distance. "If I'd been smarter, faster, I could have done something, found a way. Instead I let the man I..." He stopped suddenly and drew in a deep breath, shocked at what he had almost let slip. "The man I consider my best friend go off on a suicide mission."

"Rodney, it wasn't your fault," John said softly. "We both did the best we could in the situation we faced." He clapped Rodney on the back, and said with a smile, "Anyway, all's well that ends well, right?"

Rodney turned on him, the shocked look on his face rapidly changing to anger. "You think this is a joke? You think watching you fly off, knowing you weren't coming back, knowing I was never going to see you again, knowing I was never going to have the chance to..." He broke off again and turned away to walk to the door.

John grabbed his arm. "Wait a minute. Where are you going?"

Rodney roughly tugged his arm out of John's grasp. "I'm going in."

John stepped in front of him, a confused look on his face. "Are you mad at me?"

"Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not being ridiculous; I can see it. You are mad at me. No," John said shaking his head a little. "Not just mad. Pissed. Furious. Enraged."

"Okay. Yes, fine, Mr. Thesaurus!" Rodney yelled. "I'm pissed. You should have waited, let me do my job and find a way to get the power we needed. Instead you decided to play hero."

"There wasn't a way to find enough power, Rodney, and you damned well know it!" John shouted back. "I made a command decision."

"And it nearly cost you your life!"

"My life was forfeit anyway! All our lives were. There was no other option!"

"There are always options! The Asgard..."

"We didn't know about the fucking Asgard!"

They stood toe-to-toe, breathing hard, anger flashing in their eyes, hands clenched into fists, glaring at each other.

"So tell me something, McKay," John snarled. "All these visits to the invalid's bedside, what were they? A penance because you couldn't pull off another miracle?"

Rodney gaped at him. "Again with the ridiculous!" he snapped back.

"Not so ridiculous, I think," John sneered. "I've finally figured out what's going on here with you, McKay. I had to fly the Puddle Jumper because you couldn't come up with enough power, and when I came back nearly dead, you decided to come around pretending to be my friend as a sop to your conscious."

"It wasn't pretense! Jesus, John!" Rodney felt as if John had just ripped out his heart and his vision blurred from the tears that welled in his eyes. He tried to blink them away, tried to compose himself, but his defenses were crumbling. Rodney saw the expression on John's face change and he realized that he must have slipped, allowed something to show he'd never intended John to see.

John stepped back, surprise evident on his face, his eyes wide. Rodney swallowed and turned away again.

"Good night, Major," he rasped and walked back into the city. This time, John allowed him to go.

____________

Rodney was sitting slumped on his bed, his head in his hands when the knock came at his door.

"Rodney," John's muffled voice called. "Open the door."

Rodney ignored him. He wasn't up to seeing John again tonight. Or possibly ever.

The knock came again. "Rodney? Come on. I know you're in there. Open up. We need to talk." The voice was a little more insistent.

Rodney flopped back on his bed, deciding that John would take the hint and go away. He hadn't counted on John's stubbornness.

The knocking was a bit louder now. "Rodney! Open the door!"

Rodney frowned, sat back up, and looked at the door. He jumped a little when the knocking suddenly turned into pounding and John's voice bellowed through the closed door.

"RODNEY! OPEN THE GODDAMNED DOOR!"

Rodney's eyed widened and he squeaked, "Come in."

Bracing himself, he stood up and faced the door as John charged in.

"Look, Major," he said nervously. "If you've come here to hit me, I'd just as soon you didn't."

John stopped, a shocked look on his face. "What?"

"I'm not fond of pain, as I'm sure you remember," Rodney babbled. "So if it's all the same to you, a request that I not come near you again will suffice."

"Rodney," John began, but Rodney rushed on.

"I realize that you're not happy with me right now, but you really shouldn't ask Elizabeth to reassign me. My scientific expertise can still be invaluable to you when the team is off-world."

"Rodney..."

"And I assure you that I am perfectly capable of maintaining professional decorum at all times. You have no need to fear..."

"RODNEY!"

Rodney shut up and took a step back, his face paling slightly. John sighed and said, "I'm not going to hit you or ask Elizabeth to reassign you or any other crazy thing that's running through your demented head. I just want to ask you a question."

"Oh. All right."

John stared at him silently for a second, took a deep breath and asked, "Am I correct in thinking that you..." He hesitated and then took a small step forward. "That you have feelings for me?"

Rodney's heart was pounding, and he felt a little light-headed. He considered lying but knew John would see right though it, so he just nodded his head.

"Oh," John said.

They stood there just staring at each other until Rodney couldn't stand the silence any longer.

"Look, Major, I realize this makes you incredibly uncomfortable, but you have my word that I'll never do anything to embarrass you in either public or private. I'm completely capable of behaving in a detached, professional manner around you."

"I'm sure you are, Rodney." John narrowed his eyes a little and asked, "How long have you had these, uh, feelings?"

Rodney swallowed and shrugged. "I don't know. A few months, maybe." His mouth twitched up in a deprecating half-smile. "Maybe longer."

John whistled softly. "Wow. I never guessed."

Rodney nodded. "I never meant you to."

"Why?"

Rodney frowned. "What?"

"Why didn't you want me to know?"

"Because you're obviously not interested in men, me in particular, and I didn't want to put you in a position that made it difficult for you to work with me," Rodney answered feeling more than a little confused by John's question.

"Oh. Huh."

"Major..."

"You remember that first night you rubbed that cream into my skin for me?" John interrupted.

Rodney's mouth quirked a little. "Since it was only a week ago, yes, I remember it quite well."

John took another small step closer. "Do you remember how I stopped you from pulling my underwear back up?"

Rodney felt his face heat up. "Yes. I'm sorry I..."

"Do you know why I wouldn't let you pull them up?" John interrupted again, moving another step closer.

"Because it was inappropriate?"

John closed the gap between them until he was nearly touching Rodney.

"No. It was because I was so goddamn hard it was a miracle I didn't look like a tripod."

Rodney blinked. "What?"

"Why do you think I kept asking you to put that damned cream on me even when I no longer needed it?"

Rodney swallowed, his heart pounding so loudly in his ears he was sure he wasn't hearing John correctly. "You didn't need it?" he croaked.

John reached up and drew the back of his fingers down Rodney's face causing Rodney to shiver. "Nope. Not after the fourth day anyway. I just wanted you to keep touching me." He stepped up until their bodies touched and he cupped Rodney's face in his hand, running a thumb over Rodney's cheek. "It was all I could do to not turn over, grab you, and rip your clothes off."

Rodney's knees felt weak and he whispered, "I never knew."

John smirked and brushed his lips over Rodney's. "You're not the only one that can play it cool."

The brush of John's lips fired Rodney's blood and with a groan, he wrapped his arms around John's back, crushing his mouth to John's.

John responded eagerly, cupping the back of Rodney's head with his left hand and sliding his right hand around to pull Rodney tightly against him. John's tongue touched Rodney's and Rodney moaned and thrust his hips forward rubbing against John's bulge. They broke apart only to come together again, the kiss turning into a series of kisses, each one sweeter than the last. They kissed with mouths opened and with mouths only slightly parted. Some of the kisses were long and deep, some just brief brushes of lips. Their hands roamed over each other's bodies, never still for long, across chests and stomachs and groins and buttocks, sliding up backs and clasping shoulders. They held each other's heads and devoured each other's mouths, sucking and licking and biting and nibbling, lips gliding and parting and meeting again and again.

They broke apart just long enough to move to Rodney's unmade bed. Rodney fell back on the tangle of sheets pulling John down with him. John settled between Rodney's legs, cupped Rodney's head in one hand, and reclaimed his mouth.

Their hands never rested, touching everywhere they could reach. John's hand moved from Rodney's head to grasp his shoulder, then down along the side of his body to slip over a hip and lightly caress Rodney's cock. Rodney gasped into John's open mouth and clutched at his shirt, rocking into John's hand. It was too quickly gone though, sliding up Rodney's stomach to brush across a nipple and then back up to grab his shoulder. He cupped Rodney's head again, kissing him over and over, and then slid his hand back down Rodney's body to begin the touches all over again.

Rodney's own hands were busy as they moved over John's hips and up his back, loving the feel of strong muscles moving under his hand. He ran his fingers though John's hair and stroked the back of his neck before gliding down John's body to caress a thigh. He molded his hand over a firm buttock and then slipped between their bodies and stroked. He was rewarded with a groan and a gasp, a hard thrust of John's hips, and another hot, wet kiss.

As they teased and tasted and touched, Rodney became aware that unless there was nudity soon, he was going to come in his pants, and he really wanted to feel John's hot skin against his when he came. John lifted himself up a bit on one arm and began rhythmically rubbing against Rodney's cock, staring deeply into Rodney's eyes, and Rodney grew desperate. His hands shaking, he began pulling at John's shirt, tugging at his belt, trying his best to divest John of his clothing as quickly as possible.

Suddenly John pulled back and grabbed Rodney's hands, holding them still. "Rodney, wait," he gasped.

"What?" Rodney asked, his brain a muddle of sexual need.

John kissed him and pulled back again. "This," he swallowed, "I really, really want this."

"Good, because I do too," Rodney said pulling out of John's grasp and tugging at his shirt again.

"Rodney, listen," John leaned down and kissed him again. "This isn't just about sex for me. Maybe we should wait before we..."

"John," Rodney gasped, half-amused and half-desperate. "That's sweet, really. It's not just about sex for me either, but don't you think we can start the courtship after we've had the sex it's not just about?"

John looked at him as if trying to read into his mind and then smiled. "Yeah, that'll work too," he said, and kissed him again.

It didn't take long for them to get their clothes off, and then John was on him again. Rodney nearly sobbed from the pleasure of John's skin rubbing against his own. The feel of John's chest pressing against his almost drove him over the edge, but he knew what he wanted, what he'd been wanting for a week now. Pushing at John's shoulders, he finally got him to lift his head from the nipple he'd been licking. John looked up at him glassy-eyed, his face flushed with desire and whisker burn.

"What?"

"I want you to lie on your stomach."

John's eyes lit up and he kissed Rodney again before moving off him. Rodney sat up and looked at the long, lean, naked length of John, his heart pounding and his hands shaking just a bit from his excitement. He straddled John's thighs, his cock brushing against John's ass causing them both to hiss at the contact, and ran his hands up John's back and over his shoulders, leaning down until his chest and stomach covered John's back.

"Do you have any idea how much I've wanted to do this over the last week?" he murmured in John's ear.

"About as much as I've wanted you to?" John gasped.

Rodney smiled and encircled John's ear with his tongue, loving the shiver and moan that came from John. "More," he whispered, and tugged gently at John's earlobe with his teeth before kissing his way to the back of John's neck and across his shoulders. Sitting back again, he ran his hands over John's back, finally allowing himself to enjoy the feel of John's smooth skin. Leaning forward again, he tasted every inch of skin he could, brushing his hands down John's side as he drew the tip of his tongue down John's spine and rained soft kisses across the small of his back. He slid further down John's legs until he could caress John's ass with a gentle massaging motion before cupping the firm globes and slipping a finger between them to explore and tease, earning another low moan from John. At last his mouth reached its prize, the one thing he'd wanted to taste since he'd first seen it. His mouth glided over John's ass pressing kisses, flicking his tongue out to taste, and giving sharp little bites that had John whimpering. Sliding down further, he pushed John's legs apart, lay between them, and nuzzled at John's thighs, his tongue darting out as he licked the hot, musky flesh. John groaned, and then suddenly reared up on his arms demanding, "Rodney, get off!"

Rodney felt shock and hurt but he immediately obeyed, moving aside and sitting back on his heels, staring as John flipped back over. John sat up, grabbed Rodney's shoulders and drew him in for another kiss. He twisted his body until they were both lying down again, Rodney once more under him. The kissing began all over again, and Rodney half-sobbed into John's mouth.

John lifted his mouth and looked at Rodney in concern. "What's wrong?"

"I thought you wanted to stop," Rodney told him in a shaky whisper.

"God, no," John said, kissing him greedily. "I just want to be face-to-face with you when we come."

Rodney grabbed his head and answered the kiss with his own passion. He spread his legs and bent his knees, thrusting up to rub his cock against John's. John's hand slid around Rodney's back and grasped his shoulders as they ground together. The room was filled with the sound of their grunts and gasps and panting breaths until Rodney stiffened and cried out as he came. John's strokes became shorter and faster until he followed Rodney over the edge. When he finally finished, he collapsed on top of Rodney drawing in great gulps of air.

Rodney wrapped his arms around John, unable to believe that he was actually holding John in his arms, that he'd just made love to John. That John had just made love to him.

After a couple of minutes, John raised himself up on his elbows and looked at Rodney, a smile of sleepy satisfaction on his face. Leaning down, he kissed Rodney again, a slow, warm kiss that curled Rodney's toes.

"I never once thought you wanted me," Rodney said in wonder. John kissed him again, tugged at his lip with his teeth and then slipped off him keeping his body pressed tightly against his side.

"Guess you're not as smart as you thought, huh?" John smirked.

"Well, based on the empirical evidence that most of the time you acted like you could barely tolerate me, I think my level of astonishment at the recent turn of events is completely justified."

"Yeah?" John said, propping his head up on one hand. "I could say the same thing. You've always acted like I was just a horndog flyboy without a brain in my head. I wasn't going to let you know how I really felt about you only to have you sneer at me."

Rodney blinked. "You...you have feelings for me?"

John lifted the arm that was resting across Rodney's stomach and flicked his middle finger against Rodney's forehead.

"Ow!" Rodney protested, rubbing away the sting. "What are you, twelve?"

John smirked, wrapped his arm around Rodney's waist again, and leaned over to press a kiss to the slightly reddened mark. His lips followed a path down Rodney's face until he once again captured his lover's mouth. When the kiss was over, he pulled back and said softly, "Yeah, I have feelings for you, Rodney McKay. I've had them for a few months now." He grinned and added, "Maybe longer."

Rodney felt as if he'd just been given the greatest gift in the universe. Reaching up, he grabbed John's head and pulled him down for another deep, satisfying kiss.

When John pulled back, Rodney smiled and his eyes twinkled merrily. "I prefer dark chocolate when I can get it, but milk chocolate will do in a pinch."

"Huh?" John asked in complete confusion.

"For the courtship. You did say you wanted to court me, didn't you? Oh, and no flowers. Not good for my allergies."

John smiled and leaned over to lightly nip at Rodney's shoulder. His hand slid down Rodney's stomach until it captured Rodney's sated cock. Rodney closed his eyes in pleasure as John slowly pumped. "How about I just give you lots of sex in lieu of chocolate?"

"Yeah. That'll work."

John smiled the lop-sided grin that Rodney loved so much and settled comfortably against him, closing his eyes. It didn't take long before his breathing evened out. They were sticky and they were sweaty and they should really get cleaned up before going to sleep, but Rodney only sighed in contentment and pulled the sheets around them.

John wanted to sleep, and that was fine with Rodney because he was sleeping in Rodney's bed. He brushed one more kiss across John's brow and his eyes fluttered shut. As he began to drift off, he wondered if John would be interested in the starting the courtship first thing in the morning.

The End