I had a recurring "Picture" in my dreams, of a pregnant woman.   She just stood there.  It was a picture only.  She had a beautiful rosy glow to her face and was dressed in all black.  I knew the Lord wasnt telling me I was pregnant because I had had a hysterectomy.  So what WAS He telling me by this picture?

 

I asked Him to reveal the meaning.  He said "You have life inside, guard it."

 

He was telling me that the life inside me was about to be choked.  Little did I know the events that would follow.  I was a Christian for a few years, and began to see in the Spirit,  about the danger that was surrounding me in the church I was attending.    The pastor exploited those with giftings and he had a fondness for the ladies, though he was married.   When I left the church,  he told the congregation I was in rebellion and they should not speak to me.  

 

I became depressed because I found I could not trust others as easily as I had been inclined to.    It was recommended that I seek counseling.   Christian of course.    But I didn't want to. 

 

  Under protest at first,  I went.    I needed to get out of this depression.  I found that very subtly, my focus was being shifted off the Lord and onto myself.  My intimacy with Christ was slowly fading.  I wanted more of Him but could not get  to Him.    (This was around the same time I wanted to stop praying for others because I felt powerless.  In fact,  I felt overcome by whatever it is they had themselves.) 

 

A few years later I would cry out to PLEASE restore the joy of my salvation!!!! 

 

The picture of the woman returned to my dreams.  I asked the Lord again to reveal to me why He was giving me this picture again and what do I do?  He said again "You have life inside you, guard it with all your heart."  But then He added "You don't have to form fingers, toes, heart and lungs.  That's My job.  Eat right (the study and meditation on the Word of God for truth in my life),  Drink plenty of water (The washing of the water of the word to cleanse me from all unrighteousness, and to receive forgiveness), exercise (step out in faith and exercise what I believe), and receive regular check ups (be accountable to others).

 

I walked away from the counselors couch and started to seek God with all my heart once again.   I repented of focusing on self and wanted all my focus to be on Jesus regardless if this did not win me any popularity with those around me. (repenting and receiving forgiveness) and if I was depressed, then so be it.   I began to seek the word of praise and focus on the scriptures of praise (the meat of the word) and exercise (calling the word of praise over my life), as well as get regular spiritual checkups (unfortunately I had been unable to find those who could understand the heart that the Lord has given me for prophetic things- so I've been accountable to others for my behavior).  

 

And just a few years ago, the picture returned.  I thought I was doing what needed to be done.  Why would this picture return yet again?

 

I asked God for the meaning.   He repeated the above, but now focused on the black dress and rosy glow.  

The black dress represents identification with Christ on the cross.  It represents the passing of a carnal life, to a life that completely identifies with His heart and with His sufferings.  It represents a mourning, so to speak, and yet there isnt' sadness.  She was smiling and had a rosy glow.   Thats because the full meaning of the picture was In His death, we have life.  And are filled with Joy.  We cannot, absolutely cannot just be looking at our Christian walk as a social opportunity, or a place to have a creative outlet.   As Christians, we are to be identified in His Death, and Ressurection of life. 

 

The Lord has given me discernment over the years.  Sometimes this discernment is bittersweet.  Many will come saying Lord Lord have I not prophesied in your name and He will say "I never knew you"...  The Lord has shown me that many will come in His name, but see to it that you are not mislead.  The apostasy to come is the falling away of the church.  This is the church that could not identify with His death, but wanted only His life.  Wanted only blessings.  Wanted only gifts.   Wanted only what tickled the ears.   Wanted only to get out of a circumstance.   Honored Him only with their lips but hearts were far from Him.  

 

And most recently (1998) the picture returned again.  This time, there was an umbrella to the side, laying on the ground.   The woman was still the same, but the umbrella was new. 

 

I asked the Lord to reveal the meaning.  He didnt reveal it at first.  It was frustrating because I usually receive the interpretation.   And this woman with the umbrella returned to my dreams several times a month.   "Lord, what DOES the umbrella mean?"

 

Then the Lord spoke.  He said "The umbrella is not over the woman.  It is laying on the ground, not serving its purpose.  Likewise, unless you pick it up and hold it over your head, it is useless-  pick it up, hold it over your head and you will be protected from the sting of the storm."    (Notice He did not say there will be NO storm)..

 

I asked the Lord how to do that.  What does this literally mean?  That night, the dream returned again, this time the woman was holding the umbrella over her head.  Written on the umbrella was who I was called to be and it implied the journey I'd take.    

 

I jumped out of bed and said "Lord certainly this isnt true.  This is so lofty for me to think.  I cant tell anyone this.  I cant proclaim this."

 

  I wanted nothing to do with a prophetic call, I was going to be a teacher of the word. 

 

Once again I became depressed.  Severely.  I cried "Lord WHAT do you WANT from me?"

 

And again, the umbrella.   I said "What does this mean? What IS a prophet or a prophetess or a prophetic call?"  I didnt even know what one did in this day and age. 

 

But its only been very recently since I've been embracing that God has called me to be a watchman.  He has given me visions, dreams, and interpretations.  He has given me discernment.  He has given me a watchful eye.   And He has showed me that it has more to do with watching and praying- being ready in season and out.  Having his heart.  

And as I walk without doubt in my heart who God has called me to be, everything in  my life makes sense.  I understand why I think the way I do.  I understand why others shun me or cant understand me at times.  I understand why I'm criticized for over spiritualizing things.  I say "I cant HELP what I see!  I see everything from a spiritual perspective!"   I see how Satan tried to steal this from me when I was young.  And forgiveness is easier.  Letting go is easier. 

 

Everything makes sense when we find our life in Christ-  "When Christ who is our life, is revealed (the life inside us), then you also will be revealed with Him in glory (the umbrella)...

 

 

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Since this was first written nearly three years to the date, on  April 27, 2005, I've had several prophetic words over my life from respected pastors and even prophets,  of the call upon my life.     Ultimately,  I am called into a prophetic ministry.    And certainly it is for prophetic intercession, and teaching.     And one, said the prophetic gift was so strong in me, that if I keep humble, and treat the Word of God with integrity,  this would lead to office of Prophet.   (I'm still not sure what that is, at this time of writing - April 23, 2008).