A Bedtime Story

From the odd mind of David M. Pearson

Once upon a time, (well, it’s a time proven way to begin a story. Not very original, I know, but I’m making this up as I go along. But I digress...) There was a little girl. She wasn’t smaller than an insect, or a small furry woodland creature for that matter, but she was young and therefore considered little. Tho' little couldn’t be farther from the truth. She was actually quite tall. In fact, she was already being heavily recruited by colleges for their basketball programs even though she wasn’t even in high school or had a descent hook shot. Well, this young girl was skipping through the woods one day when she happened across a small box (smaller than a bread box even), but when she tried to open it, she found that she could not. This was very curious since it didn’t look like the sort of box that would be difficult to open. There were no latches or keyholes or locks anywhere that could be seen. She tried everything she could think of to crack the box open: Dropping it on the ground, bashing it against rocks, running over it with her car, lobbing hand grenades...everything! And still, the box wouldn’t open. It had nary a scratch after all of her best attempts to open it.

So on she went skipping through the woods now carrying the box (did I mention she was wearing a red hood, Air Jordans, and had golden locks of hair? It’s probably not important). Something even more curious occurred to her as she skipped along the path: "Why the heck am I skipping? Since when was that an effective mode of locomotion?" But she also pondered that the box almost seemed completely empty. Nothing shook or rattled as she went on with her skipping nonsense. It indeed felt quite light. But she knew now that she must open it if for no other reason than to advance the plot and maintain a feeling of suspense at what may or may not be in the box. As she ran the box over in her hands, she noticed something she hadn’t before. An inscription was carved into one of the sides. It looked like gibberish, and she could not decipher the possible meaning. So she decided to continue to her grandmother’s house which happened to be a splendid condo here in the woods where many of the retirement set found a place to enjoy themselves with those of similar age. Or was this Miami. No, I’m pretty sure it was the woods. Her Grams would certainly know what the strange writing was.

Anyhoo, she soon came upon her grandmother’s house. The front door was open as it often was in the late afternoon on these warm summer days in the forest. "Grams!" she yelled from the front door. There was no answer. "Grams!" she yelled from the hallway. "Grams!" she yelled from the bedroom door. "In here" came a husky reply from the cool shade of the darkened room. "Please keep the lights off, dear. It’s too warm. Come sit on the bed and show what you brought." Said Granny. The girl had all but forgotten she was still carrying the box. Perplexed, she showed it to her grandmother. As she moved in closer, she was even more perplexed as she noticed that her granny had change a bit since the last time she saw her.

"I found this box along the path in the woods. It has an inscription that I am unable to read. Can you decipher it for me?"

"Hmm" said Grams as she held it up to her eyes to get a better look.

"Gee, Grams. I don’t know how to say this, but what big eyes you have."

"All the better to see you with, my dear"

"Gee Grams," said the girl, "Now that I look at you a little more carefully, what big ears you have too"

"All the better to hear you with. Hello! I’m right here next to you. Could lay off the insults a little bit. I’m old, for cryin’ out loud!" Grandma snarled.

"Gee Grams. Sorry. But I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve got some mighty large fangs too, and a tail. I’m pretty sure you didn’t have those last time I was here."

"Well, you see, dear. It’s this plastic surgeon I went to see. He’s a quack. Really. A total knee biter. The guy is a complete hack. But on the up side, the condition is only supposed to last a week and then I’ll look like a woman half my age, and perhaps run off with Dirk the sponge bath guy. What a piece!"

"Well, Grams, can you tell what’s written on the box? Is it instructions on how to get it open?"

"Yes, I can sort of make it out. It’s..." Grams was cut short by a knock on the door.

"Who wants a sponge bath in here?" It was Dirk.

"I do!" both said in unison, but the grandmother shoo’d the little girl out the door without telling her what the message said.

"Well, crap. What am I going to do now?" cried the little girl. Dejected, she sulked off into the woods once more to make a few more efforts to crack open the impenetrable box. Soon she became tired at all her fruitless efforts to open the mysterious box and needed to rest. But it just wasn’t safe for a young girl in the mean woods, so she went off to find some shelter. She happened upon a small brick cottage. There was smoke curling from the chimney, so she figured someone was there. Perhaps they could help her.

Once again, the front door was wide open. It wasn’t a very high crime rate in the forest in those days. She decided to pop her head in to see what was going on. "Yoohoo!" she cried from the doorway.

In the kitchen she could hear voices and laughs and something was cooking on the hearth in a large steel caldron. It was quite a ruckus going on in there, so she slid into the abode and headed toward the source of the cacophony. What she saw would have shocked anyone. Through the low hanging smog of cigar smoke, she could make out 6 figures huddled around a poker table, playing cards, smoking cigars, eating chips and salsa (mmmm. Salsa), and having a good ol’ time. She cautiously made herself known. The figures didn’t seem to mind and dealt her in with a "more money for me" comment. Everyone was jovial as she looked around the table at the characters assembled there. There were 3 bears whom she had met before; a momma bear, a papa bear, and a baby bear (who incidentally seemed to be a complete card shark as he had the largest pile of chips). They were eating porridge with their tortilla chips. The other 3 were all pigs of roughly the same age and similarity but with different colored clothes. The girl was amazed at how much fun they were having and felt at ease around these dwellers of this particular neck of the woods.

She took out her almost forgotten about box to see if anyone might know what it was. "I’m afraid we can’t accept that as legal tender" said one of the pigs accompanied by an appreciative snort from one of his cohorts for the humor in the statement.

"I found it and was wondering if any of you might know how to open it. I also can not read the inscription on the side there."

"Hmmm." Said the papa bear as he snagged the box from the little girl. "It looks to be made out of a fine cedar. Yes. A fine cedar indeed. Can’t imagine what’s inside of it though. Sounds empty." As he tossed it aside and went to get himself another frosty cold beverage from the fridge. The baby bear couldn’t be bothered to even look at it as he had another good hand. On closer inspection, the little girl was pretty sure there was an Ace of spades up his sleeve. The pig in green picked up the box and said, "yeah. It’s cedar alright. I once made a house out of it. Darn thing got blown down by that damn wolf." The whole table erupted in a sudden laughter as the mamma bear said, "that reminds me, I should check on dinner. Do you want to stay for some food, dear?" to the little girl. "What are you having?" asked the girl. And again the table erupted with laughter. They were obviously just not interested in the box, so she decided to continue her journey homeward for it was late evening now and it would be getting dark soon.

As the night began to set in and the forest grew dark beneath a star filled sky, the little girl sat on a rock next to a babbling brook and began to cry.

"Why are you so sad" croaked a voice in the night.

Startled, the girl said "Who said that!"

The source of the voice hopped into the light of the moon to be seen more clearly. "Oh, just some prince who had the misfortune of angering a magician in a pool game" said the frog. "If you kiss me, I’m told that I might be able to be turned back into a Prince again, but he could have just been kidding about that. For the time being I’m just a frog formerly known as a prince. Ribbit. So what’s wrong with you?"

Feeling silly for the problem she was facing, she showed him the box that she had unsuccessfully been trying to open since the beginning of this parable as well as the inscription that she wasn’t sure even the CIA could decode. "I think I can help you." Said the frog-prince. "But I’m afraid that I’m going to need you to kiss me. I know I know. It sounds like a line, but without opposable thumbs, I’m pretty much useless to you."

"Well, OK. I’m pretty much willing to try anything at this point." And with a quick peck on the frog’s upper nose or whatever you call that part of the head, a flash of light came out of nowhere and there sat a very handsome Prince. "Hey. What do ya know. It worked! I swear, if I ever eat another fly..."

"Hey, buddy, what about this box?"

"Oh, yeah. Let’s see. It says, ‘Kiss a frog and receive happiness’"

"What a load of dung! I’ve been carting this little box around all over the place trying to figure out what this says, and I still don’t know what’s in the box. What’s up with that? You know what would make me the happiest right now? DO YOU? Knowing what in the hell is in that box!"

And with that, the Prince opened the mysterious box. However, the box remained just as mysterious as it had been before because there seemed to indeed be nothing in it, but the little girl was, in fact, now happy to at least get the box open. So happy was she that she decided to marry the Prince and live happily ever after.

The End.

Epilogue: After the box magically opened, it was tossed aside. As it turns out, the whole frog thing was actually a line afterall, and he had the ability to change himself back all the time. The actual inscription on the box said, "Under no circumstance should one kiss a frog.- sponsored by the partnership for a Frog Free Fairy Land". But we won’t tell anyone because it doesn’t really matter as long as the Prince and his new Princess were happy. Right?