Dave's Bits O' Wisdom

The following are little things that sort of popped out of my brain back in college. I used to keep them posted up all over my room on little post-it notes. Some even make sense.
Disclaimer: The following may paint me as a cynical, bitter man, but the truth is, if it wasn't funny, I wouldn't have even written it down. I'm actually quite happy and well adjusted...Regardless of what my therapist says.

• Love is blind, and it has no money. -9/27/90
• The only truly restful sleep is death, but unfortunately, you won't be around to enjoy it. -'87
• Fahrvergnugen: It don't apply here. - 10/90
• Phlegm: Spell it like it sounds. -10/90
• The losing of luggage by airports is no accident at all. It is a scheme between the airlings and city businesses to force people to spend more money in the city where the luggage was to arrive. When expenditures have been confirmed, the luggage is promptly returned. -10/12/90
• The size of classroom desks varies inversely to the level of education. - 10/11/90
• The measure of a man is not in inches, it's by wattage. -8/90
• If I think a girl is attractive, you can bet that she's already taken. -10/12/90
• Never, but Never eat the eggs (residence hall residents will understand.) -10/12/90
• There may be plenty of "other fish in the sea", but they're all spawning with other guys. -1/9/91
• Study it. Learn it. Live it. Love it....Ah, shove it! -1/25/91
• It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all....but losing sucks. So why bother. -2/12/91
• I like to think of my bed as a really big dresser drawer. Even on the rare occassion when I use it. -2/12/91
• Whoever made up the phrase, "love is a many splendored thing", made up the word "splendored". -2/20/91
• It's not true that i'm not having the full college experience. I'm just not having it actively. I prefer to observe it from afar. -2/20/91
• There are some nations that have so much trouble seeing the forest through the trees that they are deciding to just cut them all down. -2/20/91
• It's not that I can't recognize beauty in nature...I just can't get up the nerve to speak to her. -3/11/91
• Some people move hoping to start a new life with a clean slate. Me? I just stick with what I know. -4/2/91
• Why bother sleeping. You still have to get up in the morning. -4/10/91
• Going to the bars is a lot like what we do (ie. stay at home on the weekends watching "USA Up all Night" and being entertained by it) only with a lot more people and a chance at meeting women. -4/14/91
• Why sleep now. You'll die eventually. You can make it up then. -5/2/91
• If she's cute, she's taken...And if she's not taken, she sure as hell won't go out with me. -6/20/91
• A girlfriend requires two things: time and money (not necessarily in that order). I, of course, have neither. 'Nuf said. -6/18/91
• My relationship to women is similar to that of a newly washed car to a bird - target practice. -7/7/91
• Weasels never change; they just become road kill or fur coats. -5/11/91
• Life is a highway, and I'm stuck at a place called "EAT". -8/22/93

Shtuff