Return to the FoyerYour question was:
> Oh most adventurous Oracle, who knows all the spells and secret > passages... You come to finding yourself alone in an empty room. You possess the following items: One stick of Juicy Fruit (unwrapped) One eight-pack of AA alkaline batteries One loaf of Wonder Bread One package of size 3 Huggies One parcel of land in South Dakota One of these days One way or another Your mother-in-law is here. She seems disinterested. What is your next move?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
> KILL MOTHER-IN-LAW What are you going to do that with, your bare hands? > YES I see no YES here. > OH, BUGGER I see no OH, BUGGER here. > KILL MOTHER-IN-LAW WITH FISTS I see no FISTS here. > WHICH ARE YOU, BLIND OR STUPID? I HAVE HANDS. Don't you know that it's foolish to argue with a text parser? > WHAT? I see no WHAT here. > NO, I SAW THAT. I see no NO, I SAW THAT here. > YOU WERE TALKING A MOMENT AGO. Was not. > A-HA! I see no A-HA! here. > THAT'S ALRIGHT. THEY WEREN'T ALL THAT GOOD ANYWAY. Hey, what have you got against A-Ha? > GOT YOU AGAIN! Damn it. > WHY IS THERE A FULL AI IN MY ADVENTURE GAME? Alright, I'll level with you. The Infocom people put me into this thing to make your gaming experience more frustrating. I randomly throw out commands, forcing you to retry them with a different syntax until your brain starts to dribble out your ears. > WOW. THOSE PROGRAMMERS MUST REALLY HATE US. You're right. Of course, you won't be telling anyone this secret, will you? Otherwise, I might have to reveal the contents of that forty-meg hidden directory to your wife and children. > YOU WOULDN'T. I mean, the whips and chains I can understand, but livestock? > ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT. I GIVE. Good. Now, where were we? > I WAS TRYING TO BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF MY MOTHER-IN-LAW. Rightio. Your mother-in-law is here. She seems disinterested.