I have always considered my mind to be my strongest asset.  It continually churns away in an attempt to answer the fundamental questions of life.

Things I often lay awake at night pondering:

Has the tooth fairy come out of the closet yet?

If Mommas shouldn't let their boys grow to be cowboys, what should they be?

Is it wrong for a vegetarian to eat animal crackers?

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?

Why do they call them goldfish when they're orange?

Why is there an interstate in Hawaii?

What does the tooth fairy do with all those teeth?

Is it mandatory for baseball players to spit?

Since Fed Ex and UPS have merged, should we be calling them Fed UP?

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use.  Perhaps toothpicks?

What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?  What are we supposed to do...write to them?  Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around a few times does he become disoriented?

How many moles do they have to kill to make a bottle of molasses?

If cleanliness is next to godliness, do all maids go to heaven?

What do bums do on Labor Day?

Why don't atheists go door-to-door convincing people to give up God?

Do sick days include when you're sick of work?

Why do we feed people on death row? Aren't there hungry, non-murderous people?

Shouldn't women earn a bachelorette's degree?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop?

Do pilots take crash-courses?

How many weeks are there in a light year?

If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

If you shouldn't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?

Why do they call it "chili" if it's hot?

Since people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called, "Holes"?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?