Cherie's Story
My story is not one of Medical miracles, but that of a little girl who was born into a society that cowered away from difference. A society that would rather not deal with physical or mentally challenged children or adults for that matter. Then on December 21, 1972, I, Cherie Rankin, was born. I was ready to face the challenges that lie ahead and believe me there were many of them.
My parents were faced with decision, that still to this day, I can not fathom the thought of ever having to make such a decision. They were given the option of foot amputation. From the conversations I have had with my Mom, although they struggled with this decision, in their hearts they knew they had to give me the chance to conquer this world the way I was born. I do not claim to think that this is the only way, but for myself it was the way I was meant to live. I am grateful to my parents for many things, but of all the decisions to be made this was the beginning of the road they paved for me.
My memories of the Medical Experts are not fond ones. Sadly, when I was young, little was known about PFFD. There fascination with my condition seemed to drown out there compassion. My dignity was taken from me each time I walked through those clinic doors. My mom put a stop to that. I was just a little girl and I just wanted to know what was going on. One man understood. He was the Orthodics technician who Had a heart I have yet to find again. I recently wrote him a letter of gratitude. I do not wish to dwell on this, but just to let you know how important dignity is. Without it what is meant to be good turns bad.
I wish All I had to speak of was triumphs and happy endings, but that is not real. My teenage years were very difficult. Imagine going through adolescents on top of being a social outcast. I hated the world and started to feel like the world owed me something. I would wake up every morning and wallow in self pity. I dreaded school because I knew I would have to face the ignorance of my peers, who had no compassion for anyone but themselves. I never fought back. I had a group of friends who struggled with the normal things that teenage girls do. I trusted them and would do anything to make sure I never lost their approval. We went through a stage where they felt embarrassed to be around me. For a while I had no friends and I was dying inside. Eventually they came around. To this day two of the girls I have remained friends with. I forgave them a long time ago for not accepting me at that time. To do that I remembered the feelings I felt when I was 15 and imagined they were going through similar issues.
I remember coming home crying everyday from the age 13-15. I shut everyone out because no one understood. This leads me to an important lesson I've learned. When a person is feeling like no one understands what you are going through they probably don't, but in some way they can relate to experiences in their life. Letting people into your heart can help! It has taken me until now to realize that. I have a very close friend who has been through a lot. She is absolutely gorgeous inside and out. We have been friends for many years, but about a year ago she came to live with me. We thought we were so different and neither one of us understood the way the other was feeling. She deals with a lot of the same issues I do. I have come to many realizations because of her presence in my life.
For many years I longed to be "normal", to be just one in the crowd. Now, NO WAY. I can make a difference by not just blending in. At the age of 9 years old I learned that I had a gift that should be shared. I could sing! I devoted 11 years of my life to this. I had a good voice, but that was not the reason I could captivate an audience. I had away to make the audience feel exactly what I was feeling. When I walked on that stage it didn't matter that I only stood 4' tall. What really mattered was what I offered from the inside and to this day still holds true in life.
One of the proudest moments of my life was my High school Graduation. I stood in front of 2000 people, all 4' of me and sang my heart out to people who have for many years teased me. I received a standing ovation. I truly believe that was a moment that changed my life forever.
At 18, I moved into an apartment with a friend. I answered a local add in the paper looking for Blackjack dealers. I guess I should tell you I have one arm that is "normal" the other is short and ends in a stub with one finger. I was determined to do what everyone thought was impossible, I guess that's a pattern I have developed from the time I took my first step and never looked back. I soon began to work in the Casino, I had to prove myself to many people, but it became a challenge to me to see how many people would be in shock that I could deal. Today I live in Niagara Falls Canada and work as a Pit Manager for the largest Casino in Canada. I have all the amenities in my life; a car, a home and 2 cats. I have a rather normal dating life, as normal as dating can be. And like any young woman I hope that someday I will be swept off my feet and eventually start a family
I was asked a question recently that made me really think about the supporters I have had around me for my whole life. The question was who was my personal mentor? I began to remember a story that still to this day brings a smile to my face. When I was a baby my brother was only 3 years old, when his little sister came home. Like any child he was curious. It was not very long after I was brought home that my Mom realized that she could not leave band aids in the house because my brother would use a whole box on my right arm because he believed I had a "boo boo". In one story that pretty much summarizes what my brother has been like my whole life. If there was a way to fix something he would have gone to the end of the earth to find it. He dreams of becoming a Doctor and I truly hope he is given that chance. I can not think of a better man to practise medicine. He is the most compassionate and caring individual I have ever met and quite frankly he is my mentor.
My parents decided at a very young age I would be treated like every child. Society viewed me as a fragile child who perhaps should be limited in my activities. I'm sure they thought about this every time I came up with something more challenging then my last activity. I played volleyball on the Junior High team, won awards for Badminton and the one thing I'm sure my Mom had hard time letting me go; skiing. They allowed me to take my falls and get back on my feet. They patched me up when I would fall off my bike. They never let me give up. It would have been so easy for them to let me set limitations on my life, but when I tried they made me realize that's not who I am. It is so important to allow a child to challenge themselves, it makes us stronger and determined, although some would call it being stubborn.
I pondered for many hours on just how much detail to write in my story. I came to see I can tell you in detail many experiences in my life good and bad, but my goal remains the same. If a child or parent reads this story and reaches out to me for help. I don't claim to be an expert, I'm still learning everyday. When I was little girl I wished that I had someone to turn to and ask everyday questions, like "how do I make it through dance lessons at school?" Things that can not be taught from a book or hurt feelings that cannot be healed by the words " just ignore them". I am 26 years old and have aspirations of becoming an inspirational speaker. This is the beginning of my journey.
I will leave you with this. In order to become who or what you want to be you must accept yourself. It took me a very long time to do so. Now I hold my head high and look at my disability as an advantage. Like all of us we all have our off days, but that's what makes all of us human.
Please feel free to write to me, I would love to help or just listen. My E-mail address is paigow@cgocable.net.
Cherie Rankin