Hats

Happiness comes from the silliest of hats

This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

This short story is presented for personal entertainment only. Commercial and all other use is expressly prohibited.

(c) 2010-2019 Robert Horseman, All rights reserved.

Janice sat on the front steps of her apartment building. It was a chilly morning in late October, and her breath steamed as she exhaled. The stone steps were cold on her fanny, but she didn’t want to leave for work until she saw him. He always brightened her mood and made it possible to get through the work day. She glanced at her watch. It was already half past seven and he was running late, or perhaps he was sick. Her foot bounced up-and-down impatiently. She’d give him another five minutes, but then she’d have to go, or risk being late for work. It must have been the expression on her face that stopped a young man dressed in a trench coat as he walked by. “Miss, is something wrong?” “Oh no, everything’s fine. I’m just waiting for someone who’s running late.” “It’s not a morning to be sitting on cold steps waiting for someone. Why don’t you wait inside where it’s warm? Your ears are turning bright red.” She clamped her hands over her ears in an attempt to warm them. “If I go inside I won’t see him.” “Won’t he just honk his horn?” Janice laughed. “No, I’m not waiting for a lift. You see, there’s this funny guy who walks by every morning.” “He must be an awfully funny guy to make you want to sit out in the cold. Who is he?” “I don’t really know.” “Ah, I see. You’re waiting for a funny guy who’s late, but you don’t know who he is.” “Yes, exactly. I know it sounds weird, but that’s right. You see, there’s this guy who walks by around this time every morning, probably on his way to work. Every day he wears some outrageous hat made of balloons. It brightens my day. You wouldn’t believe the stuff he wears. One day last week he wore a balloon hat of an enormous Buddha. Made me want to run over and rub its belly.” “Why didn’t you?” “I’m not the kind of girl that rubs a guy’s hat, no matter what you might think.” He laughed. “I’m not the kind of guy who would judge you. Is it always the same hat?” “No, he wears a different one every day. Yesterday he wore a balloon bearskin hat like the ones the British royal guards wear.” “That would be perfect for this weather.” He paused and looked at her. “I’m Edward, by the way. Would you like to get some coffee with me? There’s a nice warm place just around the corner. You can tell me all about his hats.” She looked at her watch. “Thanks, you’re really nice to offer, but I think I’ll pass. I’m going to give him a few more minutes, and then I have to rush off to work.” He dropped his chin and looked at his feet. “You couldn’t blame a guy for trying. You’re a lovely woman after all.” She raised her eyes and looked at him carefully for the first time. There was something about him... She said, “Do I know you? You seem vaguely familiar.” “No, I’m pretty sure you don’t know me, much to my regret. Maybe I’ll see you again sometime. I come by here most mornings.” He backed away. “Have a nice day, Miss.” “Bye, Mister---“. She watched him turn and walk away. After a dozen or so steps he opened his coat, pulled out a set of balloon Bullwinkle moose antlers, and fastened them to his head. She stood in shocked surprise, her jaw hanging open. She ran down the last few steps and stared after him. “Hey Mister! Edward! Is your invitation still open?” He stopped and turned around, a wide smile on his face. “Of course.” She jogged up to him and said, “I’m sorry, I should have recognized you. I guess I’m always looking at your amazing hats and not at you.” As they began their short walk to the coffee shop he asked, “So what’s your name?” “Oh sorry, where are my manners. I’m Janice.” She held out her hand. “Nice to meet you Edward.” “Nice to meet you too. Won’t you be late for work?” “Yes, but it won’t matter now.” “Oh? Why’s that?” “When I tell them I had coffee with the hat guy, they’ll forget all about my being late. You’re quite the topic of conversation at my office.” “Really?” “Of course. You must admit it’s rather unusual.” They arrived at the door of the coffee shop, and Edward held the door for her. Forgetting the antlers, he tried to walk through after her with them still on his head. They bent back and sprang forward again as he plowed on through. He chuckled. “I guess I’ll have to take them off in here. I might do some damage otherwise.” They sat at a small table by the corner windows. “Who makes your hats?” asked Janice. “ I do. Back when I was a teenager, I earned money by making balloon animals in the park for kids.” “Your apartment must be jammed full of them by now.” “It would be if I kept them. If I don’t run into some kids on my way to work who want one, I drop them at a family shelter on my way home. The kids love them.” Janice said, “So is that why you do it?” “Before I answer, tell me what your co-workers think.” “Most think you’re a nut-case, but I never bought into that. Other than the hats, you look way too normal.” “Huh. Well, you’re not that far off.” “What do you mean?” “Look at me. I’m an average guy. Average height. Average weight. Average looks. Average job. Look up average on Wikipedia, and you’ll probably find my face. Women don’t generally look at me twice, and they never have. I’ve been walking by your apartment building for two years, and you never really looked at me until I started wearing the hats. I wanted---I wanted to get your attention.” “You---, wait, you did it for me? All those balloon hats were for my benefit?” “I’m afraid so. Are you going to run screaming for the door now?” She sat back and shook her head. “Nope. I’m fascinated that you did it for someone you don’t even know. And for me, no less.” “I know you now, at least a little. So perhaps it’s been worth it.” She grinned. “Maybe. We’ll just have to see.” “Fair enough. So what’s it going to take?” She considered. “Well, for starters, come by twenty minutes early tomorrow, and bring a hat for me.”

•••••The End •••••