Narrator: This is the story of three college friends who wanted only dinner and a drink afterwards. This is the story of three friends who set out to do just that. This is the story of shit happening.

Scene 1

A restaraunt. The three friends are in a booth close to the bar. Jen and George are sitting together as they are going out with each other. Sean is facing them. They are engaged in conversation when a tall, seemingly good-looking woman wearing a short, bright silver, low-back, dress with spaghetti straps and matching stilletto heels walks in and sits down at the bar, her back to their booth. She is obviously a prostitute.

Jen: chortling quietly Look what just walked in.

Sean: leaning over conspiratorily Suddenly I feel very christmasy.

Jen: Oh?

Sean: Yeah. Ho ho ho.

Jen: Oh my god. sniffs the air Do I smell tuna?

S: With cheese.

George: Babe, I can’t believe you said that.

J: Oh relax, lover. giggles

G: wadding his straw wrapper into a little ball Sean. nods his head towards the prostitute Know what low-back dresses are for?

S: No way.

J: Lover, be nice! pinches him playfully

A waiter enters and places their plates before them.

Waiter: The hamburger?

S: Right here.

W: The grilled cheese?

J: That’s mine.

G: And the chicken fried steak is mine.

W: Have a nice evening. leaves

J: leans over and runs a finger through the gravy on Georges plate before licking it off

G: Babe, you got your own food.

J: But I like it. leans over and whispers in G’s ear

G: Uggh! Now I’m not going to be able to eat?

S: What?

J: Its true.

G: I don’t care. That’s gross!

S: What?

J: I just told him what the gravy tastes like.

S: No!

J: Yup.

S: I didn’t need to know that. I really didn’t need to know that.

J: leans over and nibbles on G’s ear while fondling him I’m sorry, lover.

G: Not now. I’m tired. I just got off work. Let me relax for a bit.

J: Please? When we get home?

G: Don’t you stop?

J: Uh uh.

S: laughing quietly

J: I’d go all day if I could. But someone can’t. pouts

G: Babe, no guy can go all day. They just can’t.

A tall woman walks by the booth, wearing a short green one-piece dress, heading for the ladies room. Another prostitute.

S: Ho ho ho. grins

J: giggling Speaking of men...

S: Huh?

G: That was a guy.

S: Ewww! There goes my dinner.

G: Hey, we’ll have other stuff later on.

S: Yeah, the night has just begun and it is looking good.

Scene 2

A supermarket. Jen, George, and Sean are flirting and playing as they walk through the aisles. George is holding a bottle of alcohol.

Sean is tickling Jen as they walk.

J: Stop that! Stop! Oh God! STOP! collapses in a laughing heap in the middle of the aisle.

S: Damn. You can’t walk and we haven’t even started drinking yet!

G: Babe, get up.

J:Okay. hops up and hangs on George You know what I’m going to do when we finish that.

G: Babe!

S: Just give me warning so I can leave the room.

J: Don’t you want to watch? giggles

S: wrinkles his nose Not really.

The three of them walk up to the counter. George fishes out money to pay for the alcohol.

Clerk: I need to see some I.D.

G: Okay. rummages around through his planner to find his ID Where is it? Oh. Here it is.

Clerk: Inspects ID then hands it back Okay.

As George is paying for the liquor, Jen finds a sticker and attempts to put it in Sean’s hair. Sean and Jen commence a bit of playful roughhousing in the store, culminating with Sean bringing Jen to her knees by tickling her.

G: Okay. Let’s go.

J: Oh goody. I’m going to have fun.

S: Oh God. She’s going to get drunk. shakes his head

G: Yeah. Scary thought, huh?

Scene 3

The three walk out of the store to the parking lot which is now totally empty. No cars in sight, including theirs, except for a police car idling off to the side.

G: FUCK! This can’t be happening.

J: Oh no.

S: sighs

G: What the hell? They better not have towed it.

J: I think they did, lover.

S: sits down on the curb

G: walks over to the cop, they are engaged in conversation for a few minutes

J: sits down next to Sean

S: This has happened before?

J: Yeah. He got towed from the dorms a few weeks ago.

S: Ouch.

J: looks up at a sign on a light post Parking for customers only.... talking softly to herself as she reads the sign...ACE Towing 947-2134. Where’s 947?

S: I don’t know. Its not Waikiki.

G: walks over, looking like he’s ready to either cry or kill someone Sixty bucks! sits down next to Jen Fucking sixty bucks! Know where this ACE Towing is?

J: Sorry, lover.

S: No clue.

G: Fuck. hangs his head in his hands

S: Lets flag a cab and see if he knows.

G: Might as well.

S: stands up and flags down a passing cab Do you know where ACE Towing is?

Cabbie: I think I do. There’s a place on Kalakaua and Kapiolani. Its either that or Sand Island.

G: who has wandered over with Jen Sand Island?!

S: How much to get there?

C:About $20.

S: Okay. Let’s go. Lets check the place on Kapiolani first.

Scene 4

In the taxi.

Cabbie: as they turn Okay. This is Sand Island. Keep your eyes open.

J: Why do they call it Sand Island if its a peninsula?

S: So blondes like you can ask that question.

J: Shut up. tries to tickle Sean and a small war ensues

G: Babe, Please.

J: Sorry, lover! giggles

S: Its a peninsula, so it can’t be that far.

G: Yeah. grumbles under his breath

Silence as they all watch business after business go by. After a few minutes...

S: It can’t be that much farther. This place is only so big.

A few more minutes of watching ensue. Finally the cabbie pulls up to a group of buildings.

C: Okay. This is it.

G: Thanks. I’ll go in and pay it. Could we ask you to hang around a bit, just in case?

C: Sure.

S: hands him the money Cool. Everything should be good now. Thanks.

Scene 5

George is facing a woman in a little booth. He looks about ready to hit someone.

G: What the hell do you mean cash only? I just took a taxi to here from Waikiki. Do you know how much that is? Okay, there’s no way other than cash? Credit card? No?! Damn! kicks the booth No, you’re right. I don’t want to pay for that either. There’s an ATM down the road? You sure. Okay. Thanks. Be back in a few. Just down the road you say? Thanks.

Scene 6

George gets back into the taxi grumbling.

J: What’s wrong lover? Why don’t we have our car?

G: Cash only.

S: You’re kidding.

G: No. And I don’t have that much.

S: I do. I’ll pay it. I know you’re good for it.

G: Cool. She said there’s an ATM just down the road.

S: Okay. to the cabbie Glad you hung around. raises his arm like a Roman charioteer To the ATM and back.

C: Keep your eyes open. I’m not sure where it is.

G: She said it was just down the road.

Silence as they all watch business after business go by. After a few minutes...

G: She said it was just down the road.

A few more minutes pass.

C: There it is.

S: Cool. Be back in a few. gets out of the cab and walks to the ATM. A man is already using it. He’s old and balding with a potbelly,wearing a Green Bay Packers jacket and plaid shorts that are falling down, exposing about half of his butt crack. Sean waits impatiently as the man tries to figure out the ATM, making a number of rude and funny gestures to the man’s back(kicking, strangling, etc.). Finally, he leaves and Sean quickly withdraws the money and returns to the cab. Jen and George are laughing hysterically.

S: What’s so funny?

J: You! Laughing uncontrollably

G: That was pretty funny.

J: Now we know what your dad looks like.

S: Huh? the light dawns George, I’m gonna smack your woman.

G: Go ahead. She deserves it.

J: clinging to George to get away from Sean Baby! Save me.

G: You got yourself into this one.

J: Baby. Sean starts tickling her Oh no! Oh! No! No! Get away! slaps at him Stop it! I’ll scream. Sean clamps a hand over her mouth and continues tickling her. Throughout this, the cabbie has a slightly sarcastic smile on his face, but doesn’t say anything.

S: My father? What was that about my father? Huh?

Sean stops tickling her and soon they arrive back at the towing company. Sean pays the cabbie, who leaves. George walks off stage, supposedly to pay for the car. Jen and Sean are sitting on the curb. George’s voice becomes very audible.

G: $106?! It says $60 on the ticket! Mileage? What the hell do you mean, mileage? What did you do, take it around the island? Look, would you call us a cab? Yes, ours left. I thought I was going to have a car! Jeez! Okay. Thanks. muttering but still audible Christ, how much worse can this night get?

Scene 7

George walks back onstage and joins Jen and Sean on the curb. Jen is sitting between the two. The bag with the bottle of liquor and cigarettes is sitting at her feet. Sean looks at Jen. Jen looks at George with loving concern. George looks at the ground between his feet. He is obviously very pissed.

G:I’m going to call my mom. I’m going to ask her for money. And then she’s going to fly down here and kick my ass.

J: cheerily Cheer up, lover.

S: Could be worse. Could be raining.

Jen and George glare at him.

S: Sorry. lays down on the sidewalk

J: rummaging in the sack Want a cigarette, baby?

G: Sure.

Jen fishes out a pack, give George a cigarette and lights it for him. Silence as Jen and George smoke, George contemplating the ground again, Jen contemplating George and Sean contemplating the sky.

S: I’m going to go see about that cab.

G: Okay.

Sean walks off stage. George finds something on the ground that catches his attention. He spits on it.

J: What was that, lover?

G: Dead roach.

J:Oh. turns to contemplate the ground between her feet too. Sean returns and resumes his place on the sidewalk.

G: Anyone feel like a drink?

S: Sure.

J:Okay baby.

George reaches into the sack and pulls out the bottle. Uncapping it, he takes a swallow before passing it on to Jen who does the same, followed by Sean.

G: grimacing Damn! That stuff burns.

S: But it’s good.

G: Better cold,though.

S: Yeah.

G: Give it here. I need another drink. Takes the bottle from Sean and has another pull from it.

S: Oooh. I feel the warmth.

G: Nice, isn’t it?

S: Like a good deed in a bottle.

They all chuckle at that. Time passes.

J: Hey! Headlights. Is that the taxi?

S: Nope.

G: How long did she say?

S:Fifteen minutes.

G: Damn long fifteen minutes. he lays down on the sidewalk

S: Good idea. lays down, using his overshirt as a pillow

G: Babe, lay down.

J: lays down Okay.

S: starts singing. Asshole-o-mio! Oh sodomia! Fuuuuuuck you, oh. Fuuuuuuck you, oh. Fuuuuck...you..oh. Fuuuck ...you...oh. Fuck you oh. Fuck you oh. Fuck you oh. HEY! Fuck you, oh.

Jen: laughs Hey. Headlights. Is that it?

S: Nope. changes tunes Jose’ can you see? By the dawns early light.... in a mock Mexican accent No senior. I can’t seen sheet.

G: bitching soflty under his breath

J: Cheer up, lover!

S: I’m going to go ask her to call again. gets up and walks off stage. A few moments later he returns

G: What’d they say?

S: He’s stuck in the accident.

G: What? We avoided it.

S: I know. Go figure.

J: Need a pillow, lover?

S&G: in unison Yeah.

They arrange themselves using Jen as a pillow. George resting his head on her chest and Sean resting his head on her stomach. Jen uses Sean’s overshirt as a pillow. They lie like that, till George moves his head.

J: OW!

G: What?

J: My boobie!

G: Oh, sorry. readjusts his head to make it more comfortable on Jen

S: You know, there are times when big breasts are really nice.

G: smiling Yeah.

S: Normally, size doesn’t matter. There are more important things. But when you’re tired or down, they’re just so damn comforting.

G: smiling Yeah.

J: Hey. Headlights.

S:Nope.

J:Oh.

They lay like this for a while, almost dozing.

J: Hey! Headlights!

S: eyes closed Probably not.

J: It is!

S: opens his eyes Damn! It is.

G: Finally. Maybe we can get this night back on track.

S: It can’t get much worse.

Scene 8

The three pile into the the taxi. Relief and fatigue showing on their faces.

S: Okay, there’s an ATM down the road. We need to go there and back.

Cabbie: Okay.

The three pass the ride in silence. With a bump, the cab pulls up to the ATM.

S: Damn. Up the crosswalk.

C: Eh, you not tell anybody, I won’t tell.

S:grins Cool. hops out and quickly makes another withdrawal. Hopping back in, he hands George the money for the car. Ummm. I’ve only got nine buck, so let us out wherever nine dollars gets up too.

C: Hey, I’ll take care of you. No worries.

S:Okay. uncertainly

After driving for a bit, the cabbie slows and stops.

C: Eh, you go right through there and you’ll see it.

S:Thanks. hands him the money I’m sorry we don’t have anymore.

C: ‘S alright. You already had one shitty night, eh?

S: grins Yeah. Thanks.

G: Mahalo.

C:Take care, eh.

Scene 9

George and Sean are standing at the window to pay for the car. Jen is standing off to the side. All have a look of relief on their faces.

Girl: Can I see your license?

G:pats his pockets, a worried look on his face. He then rummages through his daytimer. No luck. All I got is this. Hands her a piece of paper. Its my renewal voucher.

Girl: Social security number?

G:575-34-8971

S: There’s no tax, is there? smiling

Girl: smiles No.

S: Good, ‘cause I’m broke.

Girl: hands George a piece of paper Its all yours.

Scene 10

The three are in the car, on their way home. The music is turned up, the windows rolled down.

S: Awwww yeah! Juice it!

G: accelerates. Sean gets a worried expression on his face when he looks at the spedometer

S: Damn! That’s fast enough.

J:I’m so happy, baby.

G:grumbling about what he’s going to do to the store that towed his car

J: Cheer up lover!

S: sighs Almost home. It can’t get any worse.

J: nods in agreement Nope.

Suddenly the car is illuminated by a flashing blue light from behind them. George stops and pulls over.

G: pounding his fist against the steering wheel FUCK!

An officer sticks his head up to the window.

Officer: This isn’t a race track. You know that? Can I ask you to step out of the car and follow me?

George gets out and walks off a ways, accompanied by three officers. He’s seen first arguing, then pleading with the officers. They motion for something and George starts walking, one foot infront of the other for a few feet. He then turns around a walks back. They are again engaged in coversation. George puts up his hands and shrugs, then hops around on one foot. He makes a gesture as if to say, ‘I told you so.’ After a few minutes the police get back into their vehicles and George walks back to the car.

J: as George is walking back to the car He talked his way out of it.
S: No way.

J: Yep. He did it.

G: gets back into the car I talked my way out of it.

J: sticks her tongue out Told ya.

G: Actually told them the truth. grins

S: The what?

G: The truth. I had a shitty day.

S: And they bought it?

G: Hey. Its the truth. grins again

S:Okay. laughs Let’s go home.

J: Good idea.

S: I can see it from here. Not much else can happen. It can’t get any worse.

The End