CHOICES FOR WOMEN AND MEN

All cultures teach women and men and boys and girls somewhat different skills and expect them to behave in somewhat different ways. Most cultural expectations grew out of the division of labor of early human times when women were needed to stay close to home to nurse and care for children and manage the household, while men were needed to fend off animal and human threats from outside their communities, and range abroad as hunter-gatherers. These roles evolved to ensure survival of the human race and were useful in their time. In contemporary society some gender-based division of labor remains necessary, but in many ways expectations have been modified, and familial and individual choices are being made, though some vestigial expectations still remain. STOP-THINK-CHOOSE, and the concepts of Choice Awareness, the system on which the STOP-THINK-CHOOSE program is based, point out the associations among gender and choices that are still being made in our society and suggest how choice changes can be made when they are perceived as necessary.

Both sexes tend to make their CREST Choices stereotypically -- but women and men and boys and girls alike may benefit by widening the range of choices that are in their comfort zone.

Females, more than males, may be expected to respond to the needs of those about them with CARING Choices -- but society clearly benefits when both sexes express their caring appropriately.

Males, more than females, may be expected to exercise leadership through what we call RULING Choices -- but society clearly benefits when both sexes are comfortable exercising leadership in ways that fill the power vacuum that often occurs in relationships.

Both ENJOYING Choices, expressions of positive feelings, and SORROWING Choices, expressions of negative feelings, may be sex-stereotyped to a significant degree. For example, males tend more than females to seek opportunities to make Enjoying Choices within the context of actions, activities, and events, while females tend more than males to seek opportunities to make their Enjoying Choices within the context of relationships. And males tend to be socialized either to hold in their negative feelings or express their Sorrowing Choices externally, often in highly assertive or aggressive ways, while females are socialized to express their negative feelings both more readily and more internally.

Even in their THINKING/WORKING choices males and females may react somewhat differently. Especially in traditional households, early in life boys are encouraged to be action-oriented -- to make Working Choices, while girls are encouraged to be more caring and careful -- to make Thinking Choices about what needs to be done, but to leave more of the action to males. The warning, "Wait 'til your father gets home," delivered by a harassed mother, provides an example of the thinking female assigning the disciplinary task to the acting male.

Males and females alike tend to develop their communication and choice-making skills rather haphazardly. These skills emerge from trial and error and as a result of reinforcement and rejection along the way. Females and males who are successful in their interactions tend to employ each of the five CREST choices in appropriate and effective ways in their personal and work life. At key points they STOP, THINK, and CHOOSE -- effectively. But even successful people can improve in their moment-to-moment communications and choice-making skills. Books available through STOP-THINK-CHOOSE Communications are designed to help both males and females of any age to take a realistic look at the kinds of choices they have been making and to point the way to more effective choices in the future.

ON THE CREST: Growing through effective choices is designed to help you look at the kinds of choices you make and consider how you might improve your choice-making skills. This light-hearted paperback based on the Choice Awareness system is an easy read that is loaded with concepts and ideas designed to help you explore the ways in which you make your choices, and expand the range of choices available to you -- in your personal life and within the workplace. You can read ON THE CREST on your own, or explore it in a group of women or men -- or both, or with colleagues or employees from your work setting. Detailed guidelines for ON-THE-CREST Groups are presented in the book.

CHOOSING A BETTER WAY TO LIVE is a light-hearted, personalized paperback that can help you explore and see how you might make effective changes in your choice-making patterns.

The List of Publications offers links to several other books that could be of relevance for you -- including two for elementary- and two for middle-school-aged kids. If your kids (and/or grandkids) are "driving you crazy" because of the choices they make, it would probably be most useful to look first at your own choices, but another line of action would be to explore with them the kinds of choices both you and they are making, using ON THE CREST or CHOOSING A BETTER WAY TO LIVE as a vehicle.

To get a deeper sense of what STOP-THINK-CHOOSE is all about, please review and explore books in the List of Publications, peruse the Choice Awareness concepts, and explore the five CREST Choices. Then click on Ordering Information to place your order for books that can help you make the most of your choices in all the avenues of your life.

SEMINARS: Dick Nelson is available to conduct seminars for executives, employees, men's and women's groups, school personnel, and other special populations, on STOP-THINK-CHOOSE and the fundamentals of Choice Awareness. You can make an e-mail contact via LET'S TALK, or write to him at STOP-THINK-CHOOSE, P. O. Box 2272, West Lafayette, IN 47806.

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Page created and maintained by Dick Nelson. Last updated September 8, 2010