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Inspiration & Humor

From time to time, we all receive e-mails that we would like to share. If you happen to have one that you would like posted here, please forward to ejyes@gte.net with instructions to do so. If the author is known, please provide that information so that credit can be given.

'if' by rudyard kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master,
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

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"DON'T REPEAT THE LORD'S PRAYER, PRAY THE LORD'S PRAYER
    "Our Father which art in heaven,"    --- Yes? Don't interrupt me. I'm praying. But you called me. "Called you? I didn't call you. I'm praying. 'Our Father which art in heaven," There you did it again. "Did what?" Called me. You said, "Our Father which art in heaven." Here I am. What's on your mind? "But I didn't mean anything by it. I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day. I always say the Lord's Prayer. It makes me feel good, kind of like getting a duty done." All right. Go on.
"Hallowed be Thy name." Hold it. What do you mean by that? "By what?" By "Hallowed be Thy name?" "It means. It means........ Good grief, I don't know what it means. How should I know? It's just a part of the prayer. By the way, what does it mean?" It means honored, holy, wonderful. "Hey that makes sense. I never thought about what "hallowed" meant before." "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." Do you really mean that? " Sure, why not?" What are you doing about it? "Doing? Nothing, I guess. I just think it would be kind of neat if you got control of everything down here like you have up there."  Have I got control of you? " Well, I go to church." That isn't what I asked you. What about your temper? You've really got a problem there, you know. And then there's the way you spend your money-all on yourself. And what about the kinds of books you read and what you watch on TV? "Stop picking on me! I'm just as good as the rest of those people at church." Excuse me. I thought you were praying for my will to be done. If that is to happen, it will have to start with the ones who are praying for it.  Like you, for example. "Oh, all right. I guess I do have some hang-ups. Now that you mention it, I could probably name some others." So could I. "I haven't thought about it very much until now, but I'd really like to cut out some of those things. I would like to, you know, be really free." Good. Now we're getting somewhere. We'll work together, you and I. Some victories can be truly won.  I'm proud of you. Look, Lord, I need to finish this up here. This is taking a lot longer than it usually does. "Give us this day our daily bread.You could cut out the bread. It would help you lose weight. "Hey, wait a minute! What is this, 'Criticize, ME day?' Here I was doing my religious duty, and all of a sudden you break in and  remind me of all my hang-ups." Praying is a dangerous thing. You could wind up changed, you know. That's what I'm trying to get across to you. Keep praying. I'm interested in the next part of your prayer. (Pause) Well, go on. " I'm scared to." Scared? Of what? "I know what you'll say." Try me and see. "Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us."--- What about Ann? "See? I knew it! I knew you would bring her up! Why Lord she's told lies about me, spread stories about my family. She never paid back the money she owes me.  I've sworn to get even with her!" But your prayer? What about your prayer? "I didn't mean it." Well, at least you're honest. But it's not much fun carrying that load of bitterness inside you, is it? "No. But, I'll feel better as soon as I get even. Boy, have I got some plans for that neighbor. She'll wish she had never moved into this neighborhood." You won't feel any better. You'll feel worse. Revenge isn't sweet. Think of how unhappy you already are. But, I can change all that. "You can? How?" Forgive Ann. Then I'll forgive you. Then the hate and sin will be Ann's  problem and not yours. You will have settled your heart. "Oh, you're right. You always are. And, more than I want to get revenge against Ann, I want to be right with you.  But.......(Pause)................(Sigh)............ All right. I forgive her.   Help her to find the right road in life, Lord. She's bound to be awfully miserable now that I think about it.  Anybody who goes around doing the things she does to others has to be out of it. Someway, somehow, show her the right way.--- There now! Wonderful! How do you feel? "Hmmm. Well, not bad. Not bad at all. I feel pretty great. You know, I don't think I'll have to go to bed uptight tonight for the first time since I can remember. Maybe I won't be so tired from now on because I'm not getting enough rest. You're not through with your prayers. Go on. "Oh, all right. "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."
Good! Good! I'll do that. Just don't put yourself in a place where you can be tempted. "What do you mean by that? Don't turn the TV on when you know the laundry needs to be done and the house needs to be picked up.  Also, about the time you spend with your friends, if you can't influence the  conversation to positive things, perhaps you should rethink the value of those friendships. Another thing, your neighbors and friends shouldn't be your standard for "keeping up." "And please don't use me as an escape hatch." " I don't understand that last part."  Sure you do. You've done it a lot of times. You get caught in a bad situation. You get in trouble and then you come running to me:   "Lord, help me out of this mess, and I promise you I'll never do it again." You remember some of those bargains you tried to make with me? "Yes, and I'm ashamed. Lord, I really am." Which bargain are you remembering? "Well, there was the night that my husband was gone and the children and I were home alone. The wind was blowing so hard I thought the roof would go any minute and tornado warnings were out. I remember saying, 'Oh God, if you spare us, I'll never skip my devotions again." I protected you, but you didn't keep your promise, did you? "I'm sorry, Lord I really am. Up until now I thought that if I just prayed the Lord's Prayer every day, then I could do what I liked. I didn't expect anything to happen like this. Go ahead and finish your prayer. "For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Amen" Do you know what would bring me glory? What would really make me happy? "No, but I'd like to know. I want to please you. I can see what a mess I've made of my life. And I can see how great it would be to really be one of your followers. You just answered the question. "I did?" Yes. The thing that would bring me glory is to have people like you truly love me. And I see that happening between us. Now that some of these old sins are exposed and out of the way, there is no telling what we can do together. "Lord, let's see what we can make of me, OK?"--- Yes, let's see."
Arthur Unknown

 


Who'll  Take  the  Son?

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael.  They  would often sit and admire them.  When the Viet Nam conflict broke out, the son went to war.  He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier.  The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son.

About a month later, just before Christmas, there was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands.  He said,"Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life.  He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly.  He often talked about you, and your love for art.

The young man held out his package.  "I know this isn't much.  I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this."  The father opened the package.  It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man.  He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting.  The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears.  He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture. 

"Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me.  It's a gift." The father hung the portrait over his mantle.  Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected.

The man died a few months later.  There was to be a great auction of his paintings.  Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection.  On the platform sat the painting of the son.  The auctioneer pounded his gavel.

"We will start the bidding with this picture of the son.  Who will bid for this picture?"  There was silence.  Then a voice in the back of the room shouted "We want to see the famous paintings, skip this one."  But the auctioneer persisted.  "Will someone bid for this painting?  Who will start the bidding?  $100, $200?"  Another voice shouted angrily.   "We didn't come to see this painting.. We came to see the Van Gogh's, the Rembrandts.  Get on with the real bids!"  But still the auctioneer continued.  "The son!  The son!  Who'll take the son?"

Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room.  It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son.  "I'll give $10 for the painting."  Being a poor man, it was all he could afford.  "We have $10, who will bid $20?" "Give it to him for $10.  Let's see the masters."  "$10 is the bid, won't someone bid $20?"  The crowd was becoming angry.  They didn't want the picture of the son.  They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections. The auctioneer pounded the gavel.  "Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!"

A man sitting on the second row shouted.  "Now let's get on with the collection!"  The auctioneer laid down his gavel.  "I'm sorry, the auction is over."  "What about the paintings?"  "I am sorry.   When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will.  I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time.

Only the painting of the son would be auctioned.   Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings.  The man who took the son gets every thing!"

God gave His son 2,000 years ago to die on a cruel cross.  Much like the auctioneer, His message today is, "The son, the son, who'll take the son?"

Because, you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything.

--author unknown

Adam was hanging around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you! She will bear your children. and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. "She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it." Adam ask! ed God,
"What will a woman like this cost?" God replied, "An arm and a leg." Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

Of course the rest is history......................

 

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~ DADDY'S EMPTY CHAIR ~

"A man's daughter had asked the local minister to come and pray with her father. When the minister arrived, he found the man lying in bed with his head propped up on two pillows. An empty chair sat beside his bed. The minister assumed that the old fellow had been informed of his visit. "I guess you were expecting me, he said. 'No, who are you?" said the father. The minister told him his name and then remarked, "I saw the empty chair and I figured you knew I was going to show up," "Oh yeah, the chair,"
said the bedridden man. "Would you mind closing the door?" Puzzled, the minister shut the door.
"I have never told anyone this, not even my daughter," said the man. "But all of my life I have never known how to pray At church I used to hear the pastor talk about prayer, but it went right over my head."
I abandoned any attempt at prayer," the old man continued, "until one day four years ago, my best friend said to me, "Johnny, prayer is just a simple matter of having a conversation with Jesus. Here is what I suggest." "Sit down in a chair; place an empty chair in front of you, and in faith see Jesus on the chair.
It's not spooky because he promised, 'I will be with you always'. "Then just speak to him in the same way
you're doing with me right now." "So, I tried it and I've liked it so much that I do it a couple of hours every day I'm careful though If my daughter saw me talking to an empty chair, she'd either have a nervous breakdown or send me off to the funny farm." The minister was deeply moved by the story and encouraged the old man to continue on the journey Then he prayed with him, anointed him with oil,
and returned to the church. Two nights later the daughter called to tell the minister that her daddy had died that afternoon. Did he die in peace?" he asked. Yes, when I left the house about
two o'clock
,
he called me over to his bedside, told me he loved me and kissed me on the cheek. When I got back from the store an hour later, I found him dead. But there was something strange about his death. Apparently, just before Daddy died, he leaned over and rested his head on the chair beside the bed. What do you make of that?" The minister wiped a tear from his eye and said, "I wish we could all go like that."

 

I asked God for water, *He gave me an ocean.

I asked God for a flower, *He gave me a garden.
I asked God for a friend, *He gave me all of YOU.


If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Happy moments, praise God.

Difficult moments, seek God.

Quiet moments, worship God.

Painful moments, trust God.

Every moment, thank God."

 

Arthur Unknown

thank you Monica

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"Louise Redden, a poorly dressed lady with a look of defeat on her face, walked into a grocery store.
She approached the owner of the store in a most humble manner and asked if he would let her charge a few groceries.  She softly explained that her husband was very ill and unable to work, they had seven children
and they needed food. John Longhouse, the grocer, scoffed at her and requested that she leave his store at once. Visualizing the family needs, she said: "Please, sir! I will bring you the money just as soon as I can."
John told her he could not give her credit, since she did not have a charge account at his store. Standing beside the counter was a customer who overheard the conversation between the two.  The customer walked forward and told the grocer that he would stand good for whatever she needed for her family. The grocer said in a very reluctant voice, "Do you have a grocery list?" Louise replied, "Yes sir." "O.K." he said, "put your grocery list on the scales and whatever your grocery list weighs, I will give you that amount in groceries." Louise, hesitated a moment with a bowed head, then she reached into her purse and took out a piece of
paper and scribbled something on it.  She then laid the piece of paper on the scale carefully with her head still bowed. The eyes of the grocer and the customer showed amazement when the scales went down and stayed down. The grocer, staring at the scales, turned slowly to the customer and said begrudgingly, "I can't ! believe it." The customer smiled and the grocer started putting the groceries on the other side of the scales.  The scale
did not balance so he continued to put more and more groceries on them until the scales  would hold no more. The grocer stood there in utter disgust.  Finally, he grabbed the piece of paper from the scales and looked
at it with greater amazement. It was not a grocery list, it was a prayer, which said: "Dear Lord, you know my needs and I am leaving this in your hands."
The grocer gave her the groceries that he had gathered and stood in stunned silence. Louise thanked him and left the store. The other customer handed a fifty-dollar bill to the grocer and  said; "It was worth every penny of it...  Only God Knows how much a prayer weighs." 
 
THE POWER OF PRAYER: When you receive this, say a prayer.  That's all you have to do.  Just stop right now, and say
>   a prayer of thanks! for your own good fortune.
>   Then please send this to all your friends and relatives. I believe if you will send this testimony out with prayer in
>   faith, you will receive what you need God to do in your and your families  life.
>   So dear heart, trust God to heal the sick,  provide food for the hungry, clothes and shelter for those that don't
>   have as we do.
>   Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive.
>   There is no cost but a lot of rewards.
>   May you always walk with Angels .. God Bless You!"
Author Unknown
thanks Renita
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