July 10th:

“Sometimes the information you need is not in the most obvious place.”

–Lemony Snicket

July 11th:

REMINDER: Begin commonplace book today.

“I waited weeks and weeks for him to return. I read books in Dr. Montgomery’s library, and started a commonplace book of my own. At first it was difficult to find any information on V.F.D., but I took notes on anything I could find.”

– Quigley Quagmire

July 12th:

Like enormous fortunes and doomed orphans, your computer screen probably needs saving.
download screensaver

July 13th:

Shopping List
Needed for Pasta Puttanesca
3/8 cup extremely virgin olive oil
3 barely medium-sized cloves of garlic
2 ½ pinches of dried red chili pepper flakes
1 woodsman’s handful of black olives
5 anchovy fillets
½ thimble of dried oregano
1 bunch of fresh parsley
1 ½ pounds of unrotten tomatoes
2 youngster palmfuls of capers, squeezed tightly to drain

July 14th:

Click the play button below to listen to an Alarming Audio Clip.

[Audio Clip]

"Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire were intelligent children, and they were charming, and resourceful, and had pleasant facial features, but they were extremely unlucky, and most everything that happened to them was rife with misfortune, misery and despair. I'm sorry to tell you this, but that is how the story goes....."

July 15th:

Be patient is a phrase which here means “an important message is expected to arrive from far away on July 27.”

July 16th

SIR, Owner of Lucky Smells Lumbermill

July 17th:

“Remember, when we lived with the Squalors, we thought we had solved the V.F.D. mystery, but we were wrong.”

– Klaus Baudelaire

July 18th

“Those who cannot catalog the past are condemned to repeat it.”

– Unknown volunteer

July 19th:

Supplies required in order to tie the Devil’s Tongue:

* Length of rope
* Two Hands

July 20th:

Note the bowl of fruit.

“The room in which they found themselves was the dirtiest they had ever seen, and a little bit of mud from outdoors wouldn’t have made a bit of difference. Even by the dim light of the one bare lightbulb that hung from the ceiling, the three children could see that everything in this room was filthy, from the stuffed head of a lion which was nailed to the wall to the bowl of apple cores which sat on a small wooden table.”

— THE BAD BEGINNING

July 21st:

Six days until the first piece of important evidence…

“Waiting is one of life’s hardships. It is hard enough to wait for chocolate cream pie while burnt roast beef is still on your plate. It is plenty difficult to wait for Halloween when the tedious month of September is still ahead of you.”

— Lemony Snicket

July 22nd:

Village of Fowl Devotees Rule #39:
It is illegal to make anything out of crow feathers.

Village of Fowl Devotees Rule #201:
No murdering.

Village of Fowl Devotees Rule #961:
The Council of Elders’ hot fudge sundaes cannot have more than fifteen pieces of nuts each.

July 23rd:

The Great Chicago Fire of 1871 was started by a cow that kicked over a lantern in Mrs. O’Leary’s barn.

July 24th:

“I was ready to embark on Phase Two, and disguised myself accordingly”

July 25th:

A downloadable poster may be the perfect thing to hide the entrance to the tunnel you are digging. http://www.lemonysnicket.com/poster.html

July 26th:

“Now comes the mystery.”

- The last words spoken by Henry Ward Beecher, March 8, 1887

July 27th:

TO BE DELIVERED JULY 27, 2005 and not a moment before! TO: The Editor FROM: Mme. Ladfern SUBJECT: Book the TwelFth by Lemony Snicket Dear Sir, My associates have infoRmed me of your desire to lOcate an iMportant piece of informaTion regarding tHe latest reseArch conducted by Lemony Snicket. I need not Tell you how distresSing I find this situAtion; I’m sure you remember the seconD to last time we met for teA. As my Gracious sistEr said, “Of course artificial sweeteNer is unaccEptable!” Mr. Snicket’S work hAs always been Drab and Problematic, and it always will be. You should probAbly look for somethinG else. REgards, Mme. Dalfern

July 28th:

Volunteer/Villain Formally Described

You must correctly identify this person.
- He is plagues by a terrible cough
- In the words of Mr. Snicket, he "meant well, but a jar of mustard probably also means well and would do a better job of keeping the Baudelaires out of danger."
- He is the Vice President of orphan affairs at Mulctuary Money Management. 

The Volunteer/Villain is

Mr. Poe

July 29th:http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0143035002/qid=1119992044/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl14/103-7544049-1928609?v=glance&s=books&n=507846%20

July 30th:

Click the play button below to listen to an Alarming Audio Clip.

[Audio Clip]

"Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire were intelligent children, and they were charming, and resourceful, and had pleasant facial features, but they were extremely unlucky, and most everything that happened to them was rife with misfortune, misery and despair. I'm sorry to tell you this, but that is how the story goes....."

July 31st:

Vocabulary Frequently Degraded Answers
Here are the incorrect definitions that will give you one more piece of the page...

1. pandemonium
a drug given to panda bears

2. misnomer
a poisonous chemical compound

3. brummagem
an elaborately dressed European monster

4. hackneyed
used by so, so many Lemony Snickets that by the time a writer uses it, it is a tiresome cliché

5. rickety
having the qualities of someone named Rick, or in some rare cases, Ricket

6. red herring
a fish commonly found in the Pacific Ocean

7. Fata morgana
a condition of the liver

8. intimidated
made into a crow-shaped hat by three skittish women

9. Table of contents
a page that appears at the beginning of every book by Lemony Snicket

10. defected
removed all fects

August 1st:

August 2nd:

Vernacularly Fastened Door

You have reached a Vernacularly Fastened Door. Only entering the correct series of phrases will open it.

Correct phrases are sometimes found using search engines, well-stocked libraries, or very smart people.

Phrase #1: The title of Chapter One in Lewis Carroll’s Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.

Down the Rabbit Hole

Phrase #2: The name of the failed organization of well-read leaders that a noble man named Woodrow Wilson hoped in 1919 would bring peace to the world forever.

Leauge of Nations

Phrase #3: An extremely important scientific discovery made in 1905 by a man named Albert with outrageously messy white hair.

Theory of Relativity

August 3rd:

“The subliminal emotional tenor of a mob’s unruliness lies in solitary opinions, expressed emphatically at various points in the stereo field.”

– Unnamed psychology text

August 4th:

August 5th:

Uncommon Commonplace Quiz

You must consult your Commonplace Book to answer these questions.

1) What cured, fruit-based ingredient other than capers is required to make Pasta Puttanesca?
Tomato
2) What was the alleged surname of the arsonist cow that began the Great Chicago Fire?
O'Leary
3) What knot does Violet Baudelaire frequently use in her inventions?
Devil's Tongue
4) What V.F.D. rule was broken by the sad fate of Jacques Snicket?
201
5) What Russian literary figure do some people believe to be almost as unfortunate as the Baudelaire orphans?
Anna Karenina

August 6th:

August 7th:

Volunteer/Villian Formally Described

You must correctly identify this person.

He loves bananas.
Violet Baudelaire was his student in Room One.
In the words of Mr. Snicket, he has “a dark and thick mustache, as if somebody had chopped off a gorilla’s thumb and stuck it above [his] lip.”

The Volunteer/Villain Formally Described is:

Mr. Remora

August 8th:

“They didn’t understand it, but like so many unfortunate events in life, just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it isn’t so.”

– Lemony Snicket

August 9th
Books hidden underneath the bed of a certain guardian:

The Tides of Lake Lachrymose
The Bottom of Lake Lachrymose
Lachrymose Trout
The History of the Damocles Dock Region
Ivan Lachrymose – Lake Explorer
How Water Is Made
A Lachrymose Atlas

August 10th:
Coded Communication

This coded document was found, sent, burned, buried, or otherwise transmitted.

The Volunteer Training manual suggests that the first word of a Sebald code always occurs immediately after a ringing bell. Subsequent elements of the code occur every 11th spoken word thereafter. Insert these letters in the blanks at bottom to decode an important secret message.

August 11th:
Screenplay for Ants in the Fruit Salad by Dr. Gustav Sebald, page 43.

CHEF SONNY
(ringing a bell) The fruit salad is served!

PROFESSOR TROUT
Thank Zeus! I am starved!

MRS. TROUT
My sister simply loves a bowl of fruit. I recall she once took--

LITTLE BONNIE TROUT
Eek!

PROFESSOR TROUT
Eek!

MRS. TROUT
Eek!

LITTLE BONNIE TROUT
The ants are climbing my fork! Kill them! Kill them!

And the Secret Message is...

The Sister Took Them...

August 12th

"But we know how to solve problems, don't we? Fire can solve any problem in the world."
- The man with a beard but no hair

August 13th:

Vernacularly Fastened Door

You have reached a Vernacularly Fastened Door. Only entering the correct series of phrases will open it.

Correct phrases are sometimes found using search engines, well-stocked libraries, or very smart people.

Phrase #1: A commonly used approach to measurement, characterized by measurements like centimeters and milligrams.

The Metric System

Phrase #2: The title and name of a ruler many researchers believe fiddled while Rome burned.

Emperor Nero

Phrase #3: A possibly coded novel by Ernest Hemingway about the possibly coded Spanish Civil War, first published in 1940.

For Whom the Bell Tolls

August 14th:

Vocabulary Frequently Degraded

You must prove you are not a villain by choosing the INCORRECT meaning for each word or expression.

1. utmost
ut

2. schism
a sliver or splinter on one’s foot

3. revulsion
vulsion, again

4. at large
the location of someone browsing neither small, medium, nor extra large clothing in a store

5. snifter
one who smells perfumes and colognes for a living

6. Condy’s fluid
a top diplomat’s orange juice

7. futile
made entirely of tin foil

8. pyromania
a love of spicy Indian food, usually the product of a culinary mind

9. verdant
relating to the operatic composer Giuseppe Verdi

10. gravlax
salmon cut into pleasing shapes and simply served raw

August 15th:

"This is the excellent foppery of the world, that, when we are sick in fortune——often the surfeit of our own behavior——we make guilty of our disasters the sun, the moon, and the stars; as if we were villains by necessity, fools by heavenly compulsion, knaves, thieves, and treachers by spherical predominance…"

– William Shakespeare

August 16th

“I’m not going to give you a tip,” the bearded man was saying to the driver of the taxi, “because you talk too much. Not everybody wants to hear about your new baby, you know.”

– THE REPTILE ROOM

August 17th

August 18th:
Uncommon Commonplace Quiz

You must consult your Commonplace Book to answer these questions.

1) What is the motto inscribed on the arch at Prufrock Preparatory School?
Memento Mori

2) What does a well-read person call salmon marinated for several days in a mixture of spices?
Gravlax

3) What was the only book found under Aunt Josephine's bed that is not largely about Lake Lachrymose?
How water is made

4) What didn’t they understand?
It

5) What is the name of the code used in the screenplay or of the person who delivered it?
Sebald

August 19th:

Volunteer/Villian Formally Described

You must correctly identify this person.

“Cakesniffer” is one of this False Spring Queen’s favorite insults.
In the words of Mr. Snicket, “If you were going to give a gold medal to the least delightful person on Earth, you would have to give that medal to [this person], and if you didn’t give it to her, [she] was the sort of person who would snatch it from your hands anyway.”
She chooses a life of villainy.

The Volunteer/Villain Formally Described is:
Carmelita Spats

August 20th:

Flaneur (FLAN-rrrrr) n., French.
An idle observer.

August 21st:

“I have seen many amazing things in my long and troubled life history. I have seen a series of corridors built entirely out of human skulls. I have seen a volcano erupt and send a wall of lava crawling toward a small village. I have seen a woman I loved picked up by an enormous eagle and flown to its high mountain nest. But I still cannot imagine what it was like to watch Aunt Josephine’s house topple into Lake Lachrymose.”
– Lemony Snicket

August 22nd:

Vernacularly Fastened Door 
Phrase #1: The famed German siblings responsible for a coded fairy tale called Hansel and Gretel, which is about two children who lose their parents and fall into the clutches of a terrible villain.

Grimm Brothers

Phrase #2: The title of Symphony #3 by Henryk Gorecki.

Sorrowful Songs

Phrase #3: The terrible tragedy that began raging on the night of September 2, 1666.

Great Fire of London

August 23rd:

“You’re not the only one with a mechanical device! This is a harpoon gun that my boyfriend bought for me. It fires four hooked harpoons, which are long spears perfect for popping balloons.”

–Esme Squalor

August 24th:

Certain crucial information should be printed out and kept with you at all times in case of amnesia.

August 25th: