by Monica Orosz

The credit -- or blame -- for this band

probably goes to Whitney Hess, its

saxophonist and guitarist. The 46-year-old

health care consultant has played in

various bands for years. He played tennis

with Vickers, 54, a guitarist. Vickers and

Peterson, 44, who works for the state

Development Office, had played in the

same band when Peterson was in high

school.

The band was rounded out with David

Mayse, a 51-year-old hairdresser who

plays drums, and Whitney Hess's wife, Vicki, a schoolteacher who is

their lead vocalist and whose age is no one's business. She's always

wanted to be in a band.

"I was a vocal performance major my first two years in college until I

finally got tired of my mother saying, ‘You'll never make a living at that'

and switched to education. And guess what? I'm still not making a

living," she cracked.

Nibert, who knows Vickers because they're both optometrists, was

invited later -- and that's a funny story in itself.

He got a call on a Wednesday from Vickers.

"He said, ‘We've got this band and we have a gig Saturday and our

keyboard player quit and I told them you could play keyboard," Nibert

recalled.

"I hadn't played in 25 years -- I didn't even have equipment."

But he showed up, used a borrowed keyboard and squeaked through

the gig by sneaking peaks at Peterson's note cards (Peterson is

famous for his note cards, which fortunately were written in big letters

because Peterson is presbyopic, optometrist talk for far-sighted.

"They didn't ask me to come back, but they didn't tell me not to come

back, either," Nibert said. So he's been in ever since.

The song list is a mix of songs they all grew up with, ranging from

Bonnie Raitt to Billy Idol, Johnny Cash, Journey, Devo, Roy Orbison

and Donna Summer.

"Everyone gets a protected song," Whitney Hess said. "Chuck's is

‘Ring of Fire' (Johnny Cash)."

Adds Peterson, "We vote and then Vicki says no."

All but Peterson sing. He contends it's because it's difficult to play

bass and sing at the same time. They say it's because if given a

microphone, he says inappropriate things. Nibert's claim to vocal fame

is his "break-out" on the B-52s "Love Shack," where he provides the

spoken word narration.

Band members say they'll try most anything -- Whitney Hess is known

for his catalogue memory of song lyrics -- and if it sounds good, they'll

perform it.

They try to play to their strengths -- Vicki Hess's powerful voice -- and

describe their sound as "fun rock," the kind of stuff people like to listen

to, sing along to and dance to.

"Someone asked us once for an Eminem song and I said, ‘Have you

seen the men behind me?' " Vicki Hess recalled.

Nibert and Vickers have grown children who are "pretty cool" about

their fathers' hobbies. Mayse said his 19-year-old son is "indifferent."

The Hesses' children, 4, and 7, are too young to be embarrassed.

Peterson's newborn son is oblivious.

Nibert said his wife championed the band early on by saying, "They're

the highest paid band in the Kanawha Valley."

"Of course, what she was referring to was our day jobs."

Peterson said his wife heard the band when the two were still dating.

"She was amazed we didn't suck."

The band has passed the toughest test of all -- playing before

students at Andrew Jackson Middle School, where Vicki Hess is a

seventh-grade teacher.

"I was nervous and I'm usually not nervous," she said.

"I thought, ‘I'm either going to be the coolest thing ever or I'm going to

melt into a puddle.' "

"I was cool, for about an hour," she said.

During their twice-a-month practices, usually at the Hesses' Putnam

County home (Vicki says their driveway is so long the neighbors won't

venture up to complain about the noise), they are honest with each

other, but not mean.

Said Whitney Hess, "I've played in some bands where there's an

expectation that things have to be perfect."

"We don't take ourselves too seriously," Vicki said.

Their name perhaps reflects that best. Originally called Hit and Miss,

they batted about better names and Vickers recalls someone saying,

"Oh, it's a lost cause -- we'll never think of something."

They sometimes like to bill themselves as The Cause, as when

performing at a benefit concert. Saturday's gig for the Cystic Fibrosis

Foundation is important to them.

"This is a pretty big deal," said Nibert. "It's the fifth year they have

asked us to come back."

The fundraiser starts at 6 p.m. at Embassy Suites. The band plays at

8 p.m. Tickets are $100 and include dinner. The evening also includes

a silent auction. Tickets must be reserved by 5 p.m. Friday. Call the

Cystic Fibrosis Foundation at (800) 526-8126.