Having to do with snow:
    "It can lift me up like no elevator can!"

    Having to do with snow:
    "It sure is nice out today!"

    Having to do with snow:
    "I'm ready for some snow!"

    Having to do with snow:
    "Snow lovers of America, REJOICE!"

     Having to do with Winter:
    "I'm ready for a fantastic Winter!" (Meaning that I am looking forward to a cold
    and snowy Winter!)

     Having to do with EKG's:
    "Want some wires on your chest?"

    Having to do with EKG's:
    "You'd better be a good boy, or I'll put some wires on your chest!"

     Having to do with the season of Spring:
    "Spring is the season when woes spring up!" (Onset of hot and humid weather,
    bugs coming back, and more)

     Having to do with Fall:
    "Fall is the season when woes fall down!" (End of hot and humid weather, bugs
    going back into hybernation, and other problems ending)

     Having to do with Summer:
    "I've HAD it with the woes of Summer!" (Too hot, too humid, too many bugs,
    too miserable, too many hassles, too much work, and possibly more!)

     Having to do with Summer:
    "'Tis is the season to burn up!"

   Having to do with hot weather:
    "I've HAD it with Jack Roast!"

    Having to do with hot weather:
    "Jack Roast, your days are NUMBERED!"

    Having to do with entering a hot room or house due to hot weather:
    "Jack Roast, I have two words for you:  GET OUT!"

    About life in general:
    "Life can get to be as bland as the devil.  Sometimes, you just need to stir up the pot--
     and make life interesting!"

    Going to the bathroom:
    "I'm gonna exit off at crap city."

    For my itching due to allergies:
    "Mr. Itch, GO TO HELL AND SIT IN THE FIRE!  I mean you SIT IN IT--RIGHT BESIDE
     THE DEVIL!"

    For my itching due to allergies:
    "Mr. Itch, you got a job to do, and I can describe it in three words:  GO TO HELL!"  I
     can describe it even better with one more word:  NOW!"

    For my itching due to allergies:
    "Mr. Itch, there's a perfect place for you; It's called HELL!  Now GET GOING!  The
     fire's waiting on you!"

    For my itching due to allergies:
    "Mr. Itch, don't go to Heaven; The people there don't want you.  We don't want you.
     The poor souls in Purgatory don't want you, but the fire in HELL can't wait to have
     you, so GET GOING!"

    For my itching due to allergies:
    "I'll tell you to go to Hell, even if it is Christmas morning!"

    For undesirable people:
    "You need to be strapped down on a stretcher!"

    Talking about undesirable people:
    "You know; There are some people that just look so handsome--when strapped down on a
     stretcher!"

    For offering a back and shoulder massage:
    "Want a taste of the good life?"

    For offering a back and shoulder massage and/or a reiki treatment:
    "Want a taste of my heaven?"

    Something to say to someone giving you a massage:
    "It sure is nice lying here and living the good life!"

    Talking about burnout bulbs
    "Oh Oh!  It looks like we got a graveyard special!"

    Something to say to someone about to start an IV or draw blood from your arm:
    "My veins look too nice to poke!"

    Something to say to someone about to start an IV or draw blood from your arm:
    "You wanna poke one of my nice lookin' veins?  Go poke one of your own!"

    Religious oriented:
    "If I share my glory with others, how much more will God share His glory with me
     in His kingdom!"

    What to say to a doctor that diagnoses you with diabetes:
    "NO THANKS!  I DON'T WANT IT!"

    What to say to someone giving you your first insulin shot:
    "Why don't you just give me a shot of potassium chloride?"  Note: A high dosage of
     potassium chloride will stop your heart--and kill you deader than a doornail!

    What to say to a nurse or doctor about to start an IV in you:
    "Start one in me, YOU'RE DONE!"  (Meaning that you're going to kill him or her for it)

    What to say to a nurse or doctor about to start an IV in you:
    "Start one in me, that'll be your LAST!  Period."

    About casual and caring human touch:
    "Nice touch--It's good for you!"

    About back and shoulder massages:
    "It's good for what ails you!"

    What I say about increasingly temperatures (during the Summer):
    "When it gets around 80-85 degrees, I slow way down.  When it gets around 85-90
     degrees, I SHUT down!  When it gets around 95 degrees, I go into emergency system
     overheat!"

    Massage therapists:
    "We massage lovers don't die; We just go from table to table!"

    When Microsoft puts out increasingly buggy software and operating systems:
    "That's when MicroSHAFT becomes MicroCHAFF!"

    When a program has a lot of bugs in it:
    "This program's got more bugs in it than a whole can of Raid can kill!"

    Debugging a computer program:
    "I'm trying to get the worms out of this program."

    Regarding seeing a deer or squirrel that I've been hunting for:
    "I'll shoot one out of my trach!" (Meaning that I would shoot a swab out of my
     tracheostomy tube with enough force to kill the animal)

    If a doctor ever tells me "You can have no more meatloaf, potatoes or macaroni &
    cheese."  This is what I would feel like saying:
    "Right here's a vein!  Just give me a shot of potassium chloride!  (This would stop the
     heart and kill me deader than a doornail!)

    What I would say to a doctor wanting to do another jaw surgery on me:
    "ONLY OVER MY DEAD BODY!"

    What I would say to a doctor wanting to do another jaw surgery on me:
    "Just tell the anathesiologist that when he gets done calculating the dosage of the ana-
     thesia, to move the decimal point at least one place to the right." (This would give
     me at least a ten-fold overdose and kill me deader than a doornail!)

    What I say to someone giving me a nice back and shoulder massage:
    "It sure is nice living the GOOD life!"

    Looking for a woman for me to marry:
    "I'm still looking for a female version of me."  (Meaning that I'm looking for a woman with
     the same interests, values, and likes that I have--for maximum compatibility)

    Regarding Jeopardy on TV:
    "It stinks worse than my crap!"

    Regarding Jeopardy on TV:
    "When it comes to stink, there's Noziam crap, and then there's JEOPARDY!"

    Comparing something to Jeopardy on TV:
    "I guarantee you that it'll be more exciting than Jeopardy, or your money back!"

    When suffering from a cold:
    "It's time for those darn cold viruses to keel over--and be all nice and dead!"

    When suffering from a cold:
    "A runaway snot nose, severe throat congestion, and a runaway cough.  They're all
     fit for eternal fire!"

    What I tell my mother about her good cooking:
    "If anyone tries to tell you that your cooking's no good, let me know; Maybe I can have
     them strapped down onto a stretcher and see how handsome he or she looks!"

    What to say to someone you don't like:
    "I think that you would look real nice with a nice sheet of clear plastic draped over
    you!"

    When I'm wearing a seatbelt with a shoulder strap while in a car:
    "It feels so nice across my chest!"

    When I'm wearing a seatbelt with a shoulder strap while in a car:
    "Even this shoulder strap is a lot nicer than watching Jeopardy!"

    What I might say to someone giving me a back and shoulder massage:
    "Ahhhh!  You talk about living the good life!"

    A little "Noziam physics":
    "You know; If you get rid of all the spice on the earth, the earth would stop turning; It
     would stop revolving around the sun; In other words, it would stop DEAD in its
     tracks!" (Meaning that if you get rid of all the stuff that makes life interesting, life would be
     so boring that it would "stop the earth"!)

    What to say to a friend or relative being in the hospital for a long time:
    "When are you going to get your butt out of Purgatory?"

    Regarding the fact that I love to eat:
    "I guess that I'm a two-legged eating machine--with no 'off' switch!"

    What I at least sometimes say to God when saying grace before a meal:
    "God, I thank you for bringing all these nice people together and for all the good chow
     that we're about to devour."

    What I feel like saying to some rashes or hives on my skin:
    "I'd like to pluck you off and throw you into HELL!"

    When I have a cold and problems with itching due to allergies:
    "Cold, GO TO HELL!  Mr. Itch, GO TO HELL!  BOTH OF YOU, GO TO HELL.  You
     both can perish together and keep each other company while sittin' in the fire!"

    Blessings to say to a person sick with a cold:
    "May God's peace be with you, but not your cold!"

    Regarding me going to bed and opening up my tracheostomy tube:
    "It sure is nice to be able to LITERALLY PULL THE PLUG at night!"  (Meaning that I
     open my tracheostomy tube in order to counteract the obstructive sleep apnea)

    Regarding my many birth defects:
    "I guess that I was an 'O.R. special'!" (Meaning that I had so many surgeries that I couldn't
     stay out of the operating rooms for long)

    Regarding my many birth defects:
    "I guess that I was one for the O.R.!"

    Getting rid of my Jackson-type tracheal cannula and getting a Montgomery cannula:
    "I guess that it's time to say good-bye to Jack Can and say hello to Ol' Montgomery!"

    When things go really wrong:
    "I guess it's time to break out the pipe organ and start playing 'Toccata & Fugue'!"

    People that send out email spam:
    "The best place for a spammer is the SLAMMER!"

    What to say to an email spammer:
    "Now quit your darn spamming, or I'll have you thrown into the slammer!"

    Being on a religious retreat in a nice facility:
    "It sure is nice being here in Heaven!"

    Getting ready to go onto a religious retreat to be held at a nice facility:
    "I'm taking off and going to Heaven!"

    Being on a religious retreat in a nice facility:
    "It sure is nice to be away from Earth where all the dogs are!"

    About to put a blood pressure cuff on someone:
    "Wanna wear one?" (Meaning you want to wear a blood pressure cuff?)

    What to say to something that is fit to be thrown into Hell, such as pathogens
    and possibly cursed objects::
    "What do you want with your fire?  Coal?  Gasoline?  2x4's?  Plutonium?"
    (Meaning "What do you want used to keep your fire going?")

    About Jif peanut-butter or Reese's peanut-butter eggs:
    "This stuff is as addictive as crack, legal as groceries!"

    About the possibility of a bowel momement at an inappropriate time or place
    (such as while on the road):
    "I hope that my bowels don't decide to play their song while we're on the road!"

    About a stubborn stye in an eyelid
    "It's time for that stye to die!"