CREST CHOICES

CREST CHOICES is freely adapted from
Choice Awareness: A Systematic, Eclectic Counseling Theory. (Nelson, 1990)

Choice Awareness theory suggests that there are five basic choices that individuals make in the circumstances of life, either alone or in combination, and in ways that may either be positive (OK) or negative (OD -- in the sense of the words overdone or overdose). The first letters of these five basic choices form the acronym CREST.

The C is for Caring, which involves our attempts to meet our needs and the needs of others. The R is for Ruling, which includes any act of leadership involving self or others. The E and the S are for Enjoying and Sorrowing, the choices through which we express our positive and negative feelings. The T (or T/W) is for Thinking/Working, which includes the endless numbers of cognitive- and action-oriented choices we make every day.

In a great many of the situations we face in life we can initiate or respond with one of the CREST choices. In the space of an eyeblink we review the situation and choose moment by moment with which of the CREST choices and in what way we will act, speak, and even think and feel in the moment. We can act out of habit or our immediate feelings, but since we are complex creatures we can STOP, THINK, and CHOOSE in ways that may be more effective than our habit or our immediate impulse suggests.

Our CREST choices include nearly all the choices we have available to us. These choices have points of overlap, and a given behavior may be classified in different ways under different circumstances. For example, a hug is a caring choice if it is given in response to a need; it is an enjoying choice if it is made spontaneously and freely out of a feeling of affection.

CARING CHOICES

We make caring choices whenever we attempt to meet the needs we see -- through choices such as holding, assisting, helping, reflecting feelings, guarding, and defending.

We may make caring choices verbally:
"How are you today?"
"You sound really tired right now."

Or we may make them non-verbally:
An arm around the shoulder, passing someone the butter.

We may make caring choices for ourselves or for the other person.

We may make these choices in OK or OD ways. OD choices include babying others in ways that go beyond their need -- in other words, smothering them.

We may make caring choices in ways that are stereotypical or fresh in terms of sex, age, and role; for example, females, older persons, and teachers or nurses may be looked to for caring choices, while males, younger people and others may not feel as free to respond to the needs of others -- or their own. But we can free ourselves from stereotypes that prevent us from responding in caring ways or demand that we show caring when others might better do so.

The key in making effective caring choices is to reflect on the needs that seem evident, ours or the other person's, and make a choice that responds to those needs.

"You look upset."
"How can I help?"
An appropriate, gentle touch.
We can start a tubful of water for ourselves when we feel the need to relax.

We can ask ourselves, for ourselves or for the other person, "What can I do right now that would be helpful?" and our words or actions are likely to be caring choices.

RULING CHOICES

We make ruling choices whenever we exercise leadership -- in fact, we might have used leading or leadership as the designated term, except that CLEST is less memorable than CREST is. Also, the word ruling can serve as a reminder to us that such choices may be overdone in tone or frequency. Ruling includes such choices as requesting, suggesting, asserting, ordering, scolding, and forbidding.

We may make ruling choices verbally:
"Please come over for dessert this evening."
"I have to have this back on Tuesday."
"Call me when you're back from your trip."
"Cut it out!"
Or we may make them non-verbally:
Beckoning.
Holding up a hand in a gesture that says STOP.

We may make ruling choices for ourselves or for the other person.

We may make these choices in OK or OD ways. Our OD ruling choices might involve giving too many orders, or using a tone of voice that is too strong -- in other words, acting in ways that may be seen as dominating.

We may make these choices in ways that are stereotypical or fresh in terms of sex, age, and role. Males, older persons, teachers, supervisors, and elected officials may be expected to make ruling choices, while others may overlook the opportunities they have to exercise leadership. But we can free ourselves from stereotypes that prevent us from exercising leadership at suitable times.

While some people seize the reins and take charge readily -- maybe too often, the majority of people more often act as responders. As a consequence, when two members of the majority (responders) get together, neither may exercise leadership comfortably, and the relationship may founder. We all need to understand our potential for exercising leadership with others, and for ourselves -- in OK ways.

The key in making effective ruling choices is to reflect on the situation and exercise leadership when it seems appropriate.

"Let's do something fun tonight."
"How about taking a walk after dinner?"
Clasping the arm of a person to prevent a stumble or a greater danger.
Telling ourselves to count to ten in a stressful situation.

We can ask ourselves, for ourselves or for the other person, "What can I say or do right now that may set a direction?" and our words or actions are likely to be ruling choices.

ENJOYING CHOICES

Enjoying includes all the choices we make that express our positive feelings: acting in fun, playing, complimenting, loving, and creating.

We may make enjoying choices verbally:
"Wow! That's great!"
"I'm glad to see you."
"I love being here with you."
The old psychiatrist joke: "You don't have an inferiority complex, you are inferior."

Or we may make them non-verbally:
Smiling.
Hugging an old friend.
Tickling (often seen as OD).
The "high five" after a fine play in sports.

We assign enjoying choices to children: "Smile," we say, "these are the best years of your life." OR "Have fun while you can." But we provide poor models for young people to follow. We see enjoying choices as events -- a dinner out, a ball game, a vacation -- and overlook the moment-to-moment chances we have to make a great many enjoying choices.

We may make these choices in OK or OD ways -- teasing is the characteristic example of OD enjoying. And we may make these choices in ways that are stereotypical or fresh in terms of sex, age and role; for example, boys are traditionally expected to enjoy themselves through team sports and girls through interpersonal pursuits, younger people are expected to spend their time more than older persons in "frivolous" activities, and athletes and entertainers are looked to for enjoying choices. Our enjoying choices may be highly stereotypical; if they are, we may overlook many opportunities to make enjoying choices for ourselves and with others.

Some of us have difficulty making enjoying choices for ourselves and with others because we have overstressed the Biblical injunction, "put away childish things," without differentiating childish (foolish, unthinking, silly) from childlike (innocent, trusting, spontaneous).

Childlike usually suggests those qualities of childhood worthy of emulation or of admiration, such as innocence or straightforwardness; childish, its less pleasing characteristics, such as peevishness or undeveloped mentality. (Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary)

The key in making effective enjoying choices is to reflect on the relationship with the other person(s) and the situation, and express enjoyment when it seems appropriate.

"I love being here with you."
"This is a great place."
A warm smile.
A touch that says, "I'm happy." (A touch that responds to a need would be a caring choice.)

We can ask ourselves, for ourselves or for the other person, "What can I say or do right now that would show my positive feelings?" and our words or actions are likely to be enjoying choices.

SORROWING CHOICES

Sorrowing includes all the choices we make that express our negative feelings: being sad, feeling hurt, being angry, crying, pouting, shouting, cheating, stealing, lying.

We may make sorrowing choices verbally:
"I'm worried about Pat."
"Oh, woe is me."
"That's stupid!"

Or we may express them non-verbally:
A downcast look.
Tears.
Pounding on a table.

We make sorrowing choices for ourselves. Even when others' negative feelings trigger sadness or anger in us, our sorrowing choices are our own.

We may make sorrowing choices in OK or OD ways. It should be OK for us to express our negative feelings directly, although in our culture even reasonable statements of sadness or hurt may not be OK with others; certainly such statements are to be preferred over choices that are more clearly OD -- choices that involve meanness or miserableness.

We may make sorrowing choices in ways that are stereotypical or fresh in terms of sex, age, and role; for example, females, young and old persons, and individuals (especially females) who are grieving, may be expected to express their sadness through tears. Others, especially adolescent- through older males, may deny their needs to express negative feelings -- even though they may be overwhelmed by those feelings -- and they may not accept others' needs to express their negative feelings.

The key in making OK sorrowing choices is that we tell of our negative feelings straightforwardly when it seems appropriate.

"I miss old Tigger."
"A problem came up at work today and I just need to blow off steam about it."

We can ask ourselves, "What can I say or do right now that would show my negative feelings in a reasonably acceptable way?" If we do that, our sorrowing choices have at least a chance of being OK with ourselves AND the other person.

THINKING/WORKING CHOICES

We make hundreds, even thousands of thinking/working choices every day as we move through our regular and special tasks -- wondering, contemplating, asking or answering questions, planning, doing, redoing, and procrastinating.

We make some of our thinking/working choices verbally:
"How do you get the answer?"
"First you divide, then add."
"I ought to be finished with that tomorrow."

We make even more thinking/working choices non-verbally as we think about the situations we encounter, as we take steps to complete our tasks, and even as we consider any of the other choices we are about to make.

We may make thinking/working choices in OK or OD ways. Our over-thinking and over-working choices are likely to be seen as OD when the other person wants or needs our enjoying or caring choices, and we keep on with what we are doing, or when we respond in ways that others see as too cognitive.

We may make our thinking/working choices in ways that are stereotypical or fresh in terms of sex, age, and role; for example males, younger persons, and entry-level employees may act without thinking sufficiently, while some others may ponder longer than is necessary when action (working) choices are required.

The key in making OK thinking/working choices is that we balance those choices with the other four CREST options. People around us will tolerate our making numerous thinking/working choices, but we need to be alert to any tendency we have to rely on such choices to the exclusion of other choices. We can help our relationships by asking ourselves regularly whether we or the other person has a need that might best be met by a caring choice, whether some leadership suggestion or action (ruling choice) might help the relationship at present, or whether an expression of a positive feeling (an enjoying choice) or a negative feeling (a sorrowing choice) might be more effective in the moment, than the thinking/working choice we may have in mind. Such monitoring should increase the chances that our thinking/working choices will be OK with the other person.

IMPLEMENTING EFFECTIVE CREST CHOICES

As we confront life situations, it only takes the space of an eyeblink to reflect on which of the five CREST choices might serve us best. In an instant we can ask ourselves whether a caring, ruling, enjoying, sorrowing, or thinking/working choice, or a combination of choices, will meet the situation effectively. After all, if a good reader can ingest over a thousand words a minute, in most situations the human brain is clearly of sorting through the five CREST choices in little more than an instant, and finding a way of responding that might be seen as OK.

Not only can we sort through CREST choices to meet the immediate situations that we confront, but we can also anticipate many situations and prepare ourselves to initiate and respond more effectively in situations that repeat themselves. The friend, colleague, parent, or child who is argumentative or who has repeated an inconsiderate act will likely act the same way again. As we prepare to meet that person we can consider how the five choices might fit the situation if it occurs again.

We can consider in advance: (1) Does X's way of acting around me suggest a need or a negative feeling that I might meet with a caring choice? If so, I might be ready to say something like: You seem out of sorts today, if there's a way I can help I'd like to do so. (2) Might I initiate the conversation so that it goes in a positive direction, perhaps by making some kind of positive suggestion or ruling choice? E.g. Let's stay off the subject of politics today so we don't get in another argument. (3) Might I prepare to meet the person with a positive statement or action -- an enjoying choice -- that fits reality? E.g. That's a neat shirt you're wearing. That color looks good on you. (4) Is there a negative feeling that might be useful for me to share in a non-blaming way, in the form of a sorrowing choice? If so, I might be prepared to say something like: I walked away last Friday bothered by how we left things. I didn't like what I said (did). (5) Is there some action or logical statement -- a thinking or working choice -- that would put the interaction on a positive, workmanlike basis? For example: I've been wondering how we might both change things so we get along better with one another.

Note that we can also consider the positive and considerate statements and actions of others in advance and thus be prepared to respond in ways that encourage more of those statements and actions.

We may be creatures of habit, but we can intervene in our own habits if we decide to make choices that will serve our own needs better and help us build improved relationships. To do less is to deny our power to choose.

REFERENCE

Nelson, R. C. (1990). Choice Awareness: A systematic, eclectic counseling theory. Minneapolis: Educational Media.

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This page is maintained by Dick Nelson; Last updated: August 16, 2010