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Friday, May 26, 2006
Dana's Journey
Yesterday was a beautiful tribute to Dana. A couple of her good friends organized a surprise for her. They
asked everyone who knows and loves her to come over with a beautiful, simple pink gift to put in their courtyard. We
were all made to promise we would not knock nor try to see Dana as she was just too weak. We were just asked to set
our gifts in the courtyard quietly. A group of us who all knew Dana through Team Survivor met up ahead of time so we
could deliver our gifts together. What we saw in that courtyard was amazing. There were pink flowers, pink tennis
balls (her favorite game), pink balloons, and much more. There were also signs and a basket full of cards to Dana.
We delivered our gifts - I put up some pink flamingos - then we all had a group hug and a good cry together. It
was obvious how special Dana was not only to us, but to so many other people, too. She has touched many, many lives.
This morning I opened my email and saw a message from Dana's family that had come in late last night.
Our dear, sweet Dana died peacefully in her sleep today, surrounded by the love of her family.
We are grateful that hospice care provided relief from her suffering and that she was able to enjoy her last days. Dana would
have loved to say goodbye to each of you personally, but her disease took such a toll on her body that she did not have the
energy or strength to do so. We all greatly appreciate the extraordinary outpouring of love and support.
Please honor Dana’s memory by doing things that she would do: live life to its fullest, love deeply, show kindness to all,
donate blood, and support worthy charitable causes.
We will notify you of Dana’s memorial service, which will take place in several weeks.
As Dana's journey ended, I just hope that Dana felt the presence and love of all who came by yesterday.
My friend Tanya, who is nearly halfway through chemotherapy right now for breast cancer, came by today
to help me pick out a paint color for the wall that the "Orca Moon" painting will go on. After looking at colors, we
watched the tape that I have on which Dana and I were both interviewed, then we talked about our feelings and fears of dealing
with this diagnosis. I think it's good for us to be able to actually talk about it; to openly express our fears (and
tears) with each other. In the past I have had people say things like "None of us really
knows when our time will come" or "You know, I could get hit by lightning" or similar abstract things. Sure, everyone
has some small statistical probability of dying in the next week, month, year, 5 years...... BUT when you have had cancer,
you have been handed a concrete threat to your life attached to real numbers in the way of a prognosis. They talk about
5 year, 10 year survival rates. When you're 80, that might not sound bad, but when you are 38 and 41 as Tanya and I,
it's different. She also has two small children, so it really hits home for her.
At the same time, however, we do both agree that past doing the recommended treatments and living a
healthy life, it's really out of our control. We know that thousands of women with this disease go on to live very long
lives, never having the Big "C" word enter their lives again. Spending our lives dwelling on the "What-ifs" won't change
anything other than to negatively impact the quality of our lives. So forge on we will to the wonderful lives that we
both have. I know it's what Dana would want.
Monday, May 22, 2006
My friend Dana
It is with a very heavy heart that I write this. If you all remember when I wrote about Monica, my friend who had
cut her hair off then dyed the rest bright pink. She had done this in my honor as well as for another friend of ours
who was in treatment for recurrent breast cancer. I have not mentioned Dana's struggle much in this blog. It's
just really hard to talk about.
I met Dana shortly after I was diagnosed the first time. She was actively involved with Team Survivor's programs
and the Race for the Cure. The year I ran the Race with Al Gore, Fox Sports Northwest had done a feature on 3 Team Survivor
members, two of which were Dana and me. Her words on that interview were so beautiful. She talked about how it's
not about dying but rather about living. She exemplified that through her life.
At the same time that I was diagnosed with my second breast cancer, we found out that Dana had also been diagnosed again.
Sadly, her cancer had returned metastatically - they found cancer cells in her abdominal lymph nodes. This was 16 years
after she had been treated for her original cancer! They started her on chemotheraphy right away.
Through these last few months, she has been on 5 different chemo regimens, and only once did the tumor growth even slow
down. They keep growing and have spread into her lungs. She has become progressively weaker and cannot even tolerate
talking on the phone because of her shortness of breath. We just received an email from her and her husband that they
have decided to stop treatments and have started hospice care. It is so difficult to accept that this disease is taking
away such a precious lady.
I am having a hard time dealing with this on two fronts. I am so sad for all of us - especially her loving family.
How do you learn to accept such a loss? The other part I feel is selfish - I am scared for myself, too. After
all these months of focusing on the treatment, the reality is that living with the diagnosis is the most difficult part.
Even though many of you don't know Dana, please keep her and her family in your thoughts now as her difficult journey
nears the end.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Life is great!
I have just felt better and better over these past couple of weeks. I went with a couple of my fire chick girlfriends
for this intense workout at a place called Cross Fit. Oh my gosh, I could hardly sit down. It was wonderful to
feel like I could push myself that hard.
I made a very big decision. I will not be pursuing medic school this year. When the notice came out that
the dept was accepting applications, it seemed like a good idea to push on with my goal of becoming a paramedic. At
the time I was still in chemo and feeling like I didn't want this pesky cancer to stand in my way of moving on with life.
Now that chemo is over, I have been thinking a little more clearly and realizing that these past few months have been tremendously
stressful for me AND for Brian. Medic school will also be extremely stressful for both of us, and now is just not a
good time to add that on. I am looking forward to just getting back to work and being around the people who have helped
me through this, having a nice year to spend time with Brian doing fun things and working on projects around the house, and
having a good time with our many fabulous friends. I will also be able to get my reconstruction done this year, and
it just makes sense to complete this process before moving on. So, I am very happy with that decision.
In other exciting news, the Wyland painting that Brian bought for me, "Orca Moon," arrived the other day.
When we opened it, it brought tears to my eyes. It is such a gift of love from him and a celebration for both of us
that chemo is over. I have more painting to do before we can hang it, but I can't wait to see it displayed.
We are busy working on the landscaping in the front. We have the basalt columns in place and part of the dry river
bed filled in. Brian has such a vision of how to make this come together and it will be gorgeous. He has worked
his little fanny off out there.
I have Herman, my chest port, removed on Monday morning. He was a faithful friend that helped me get through chemo
sessions without pain, but it is time to say goodbye to him.
The hair is not sprouting quite yet. In fact, I lost several more eyebrow hairs the other day. I have given
up on trying to add color to the ones that are there because they are so sparse. It looks worse to highlight the few
than have no color. Oh well...... The lashes are sparse but still enough to put a little mascara onto.
I am hoping to go back to my regular shift work in June. I have a physical at the end of the month that will tell
me where I am at fitness wise. If it looks like I am not ready, then I will be doing a modified duty schedule instead.
Either way, it will be great to be back at work. It has been such a gift to be able to stay home through chemo and focus
on taking care of myself, but now that I'm feeling good again, I'm excited to get back to work.
We are excited about our upcoming fundraisers for the Race for the Cure and the race itself. It will be a busy
month getting everything together. For those of you who don't live close by - we have planned a fundraiser at Traxx
Racing (go-karting). It's very cool because everyone can come race and have fun, and at the end of the evening,
Traxx gives us back 50% of all rider fees. A couple other wonderful friends are hosting a poolside party and BBQ with
a silent auction and all proceeds going to our team fundraising goal. So, we have a lot going on for a great cause.
Many of you have already donated towards our team, and I thank you for that. We are near $2,000 now with over a month
to go........
Love to all of you and hope you are looking forward to your summers as much as I am looking forward to mine.
Tuesday, May 2, 2006
Seeing the sunshine again
Thought I would jot a quick note in here before heading off to the gym. I feel good enough again to venture in
there. Just wanted to let you all know that (as I thought would happen) I woke up today feeling better and with it my
mood is improving. The nausea went away and so did the tears. Life is too short not to feel happy, and I really
do. I can jump out of the plane, with my parachute on, and scream for joy that I made it through these past few months.
Last weekend, the landscaper (Matt) and his roommate came out to the house and they, along with Brian, got an amazing
amount of work done outside. They worked their butts off in the miserable rain. Again, this is courtesy of the
Kirkland Fire Dept Benevolent Association wanting to do something meaningful for us. All we asked is to get rid of the
pesky ivy, and they are going 1,000 fold beyond that. It will be so beautiful.
Brian has always talked about wanting a Gargoyle, so I found this cool shop in the University District called the "Gargoyle
Statuary." I got him the coolest Gargoyle named Argus. He's huge. We looked him up online and it says he's
120 lbs! He will be a great addition to our backyard.
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