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Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Funny Stuff
I am back to full firefighting duty! It's so great. I am already booking my schedule up with all the extra
stuff I do for work and our fun activities. My first day back was crazy - the tread blew out on one of the engine tires
on the freeway, we put a brand new aid car into service, then all of the dispatch/radio equipment quit working. I was
glad I was not sitting in the officer's seat on the aid car. It was nuts. But, that's the fun about this job.
You just never know what will happen next! My second shift back was pure relaxation at our slowest station. We
didn't even go on a single call.
Brian and I went skiing yesterday for the first time this year, and it felt GREAT! It was spring conditions and
so very warm during the day. We just bought new helmets that have audio capabilities, so we can plug our ipods right
in. The ear coverings of the helmets have the sound system, so you don't need earplugs. We loved them! I
did my last run of the day to my favorite song by Korn - Twisted Transistor.
I thought I would post some of the hilarious comments that have been I've heard.
Before I had my surgery, I was at work one night and one of the guys said, "Hey Camari, when you come back after your
surgery, are you going to leave your uniform shirt unbuttoned so we can your new ones?" Another guy said, "Yeah, are
you going to show us your crack?" Then he suggested I could buy some thong underwear for them and let them show under
my blouse - the new version of the T-Bar hanging out.
Last week at work we were playing a guessing game about how much the surgeries cost ($114,000 - of which I had to pay
only $41) and one guy made a comment about how I had to work my ass off for this surgery.
I was talking to another guy and made a comment about something my plastic surgeon had said to me. He mentioned
before my first surgery that I would be going in with one breast (the right) and waking up with one breast since they were
going to be reconstructing my left side and doing the right mastectomy the same day. Well, this guy said in his best
British accent "Are you suggesting that breasts migrate?" Only true Monty Python fans will get the humor in that one.
I was with a group of my wonderful girlfriends a couple weeks ago, and we were talking about our favorite spa.
It's a women's only day spa. I was telling my friend that my favorite treatment there is the body scrub and moisturizing.
She said she had it done once, and they had scrubbed her nipples to the point they were sore. Since I don't have my
new nipples yet, I said I should go there, get the treatment then go up front, open my robe and say "I want my money back,
look what they did to me!"
Speaking of nipples, I am scheduled to get mine on April 5th. I was asking the nurse about them, if there is a
catalog of styles to choose from or does each surgeon have his general style. She said that he does great nipples, but
she said when I first get them done, I will think he's crazy. I guess they are really swollen at first and stick out
like bullets. Too funny. After the procedure to create them and some healing time, then they will tattoo on the
color.
There has been a definite emotional benefit to this surgery. I felt like I had dealt with the mastectomy well,
but I feel much better about my physical appearance now. Because of that, Brian is quite happy. No more details
needed..........
So, life is good and moving in the right direction. I am thrilled to be able to get out and scuba dive, ski and
do the job I love so much. I have signed up to do the Firefighter Columbia Tower Stair Climb next month - wish me luck!
Sunday, January 21, 2007
A speedy recovery
Things have gone remarkably well these past few weeks (as far as my recovery - more stuff to follow on everything else.....)
I started off with my walks, and when I got the drains out, I started going into the gym. I started everything
really slow then began building up. It's only been 6 weeks since my second surgery, and I am now able to push-ups, pull-ups,
workout with heavier weights, and yesterday I used my 40lb vest and did 70 floors on the stairmill. I honestly don't
even feel like I have mad major surgery anymore. The only residual effect I feel is some tightness in the chest (which
I've had before from my other surgeries and radiation), and if I sit just right, I feel the butt incisions.
I have been spending too much money on new bras, but it's been fun. I had not anticipated needing all new ones.
I do feel the need to use the enhancer on the left side because of the size difference. I talked more with the nurse
in my plastic surgeon's office about that, and she said he probably took MORE tissue out of the left side, but with the aggressive
surgery and radiation, there is just a lot more of a deficit to make up for. She said the surgeon was just doing a good
job by ensuring she got ALL of the breast tissue last year as she was trying to cure me of my cancer. She said breast
tissue can go all the way up to the clavicle! So, I pop the booster seat under lefty and away we go.
Brian loves them just the way they are, so that's really what matters. He told me he was surprised by my reaction
- he never thought they would end up totally symmetrical.
I have gone back to work on modified duty. The Monday-Friday grind is though because I am trying to get really
good workouts in top of that to get ready to go back to full duty. And I have a pretty long commute. But I can't
complain. It's only for 3 weeks, and for being in treatment off and on for nearly a year, this is really nothing.
I am doing a stint in our training division and my friend, Laurie is the Admin person there, so it's been fun.
We had a pretty rough first week of the year. Brian came home from work one night REALLY sick. There is a
virus that runs rampant in nursing homes called Norwalk, and we think he got that. Without going into details, he lost
a lot of fluid. One of our paramedic friends even came over and gave him some fluids through an IV.
The day after he came home sick, we had a scary event with Delphi. She all of the sudden could barely walk.
It looked like her back legs were giving out and she was stumbling. Then when I picked her up, her head flopped around
and she "screamed" and was pawing at the air. I think she had a vertigo sensation because once she settled she was calm
again. When I put her back down, the same thing happened. I really thought this was the beginning of the end and
I was hysterical. Brian was too sick to go the vet with me, and I was too upset to drive, so our dear friend Heather
came over and took us. She was working graves so she gave up sleep to help us out. Then, I tell the vet all about
her symptoms and put her on the floor to show her, and Delphi ran across the room like nothing was wrong. The symptoms
just disappeared. So, the conclusion is that she may have thrown a clot and had a little mini-stroke that resolved.
She is doing great now, and I am grateful. She's our sweet little old lady.
The next day I was loading up my car, and I heard a banging side on what I thought was the other side of our neighbors
fence. Our truck was parked right by that. Then the truck alarm started going off, so I assumed it was the motion
sensor, so I went inside to the get the key so I could disable it. I started walking towards it, and all of the sudden,
a guy jumped out of it and ran away. He was in the process of trying to steal it. He'd broken in through the back, and
had knocked the keyed part of the ignition off. He was pretty close to hotwiring it and driving off with it. I
learned a big lesson - sometimes car alarms actually mean there is a problem.
So, now that we have that out of the way, the rest of the year should hold only good things.
Gotta go get ready - I'm meeting Brian and another friend to go scuba diving. Brrrrrr...... It's been cold
outside these days.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Drains Are Out/The Ovaries Stay
Had a nice little phone consultation with my oncologist regarding the hormone levels coming back to normal. He
said that they have studied the effects of removing the ovaries or shutting them down chemically on recurrence rates in pre-menopausal
women, but the results are totally inconclusive. With that and the fact that my tumor only showed a very weak positivity
for hormone receptors, it would not make sense to take such a drastic step. I didn't think he would recommend it, but
it was still nice to hear. I don't want any more procedures other than getting my nipples later on.
Speaking of nipples, Brian and I had a funny conversation about that. We were wondering - since they are not needing
to match an existing breast, is there a catalog of "styles" I will get to choose from? Or does he each surgeon have
his own special nipple style?
I had a great appointment with my plastic surgeon the other day. First off, he took the last two drains out!
What sweet relief. He asked if I had been able to get up and around, and I told him I'd been out taking brisk 45-60
minute walks each day. He laughed and said it's bad when his patient is recovering from surgery and is getting more
exercise than he is. He said I will need to keep my activity level down for another week or two, then I can ease back
into my normal routine with weight lifting and more vigorous cardio. He also said I will be ready for full duty by the
beginning of February!! That means just a few weeks of working days on light duty, then it's back to normal. That
made me really happy.
I was getting out of the car yesterday, and all of the sudden I felt a gush of fluid on the side of my left leg.
Apparently, I had built up a pocket of fluid where that drain had been, and moving just the right way caused the hole to open
up. It continued to leak the rest of the day. I called the surgeon's office and talked with the nurse, and she
said that's pretty normal. She recommended putting a sanitary napkin on it with the sticky side against the compression
shorts they have me wearing. So here I am using mini pads on my ass now. What's next?????
When I saw my oncology nurse, Patti, the other day, she told me something really cool. She has a young patient
that was recently diagnosed with a pretty large cancer. The patient was totally against a mastectomy even though they
felt she really needed it. So they had performed a lumpectomy on her and then started chemo. Right around that
time, I had sent out the link to the website with those photos we had taken by Lynette Johnson (before/after mastectomy and
during chemo). She showed those to her patient, and she began crying and said she would go ahead of have the mastectomy.
It made me feel really good that I had shared those at that time. When I had decided to have those photos taken, I did
it for me and for Brian. It was Lynette who felt they needed to be shared and now I am so glad about that.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Check-Up
I had my second post-chemo check-up yesterday. It's funny because I see my oncology nurse (Patti Kwok) for
my check-ups, and she is also a very good friend of ours. She told me something very funny. She had
come to see me after my first reconstruction. I guess when she got there, they had just brought me out of surgery and
were getting me into my room in the ICU. I do vaguely remember her being there, but evidently I did not remember everything.
When she came into the room, she could see that I was totally out of it. She asked if I knew who she was, and she told
me that I said "Yes, it's the skinny-ass Kwokster with the cold hands!" I have absolutely no memory of saying that
to her. She said the ICU nurse was cracking up. I guess even in my delirium, my sarcasm was intact.
I did talk with Patti about the fact that my menstrual cycles just restarted. In one way it's a good sign
of my body's ability to recover and get back to normal, but when it comes to the cancer, it's not necessarily a good thing.
It means my hormone levels are back to normal, and this can be bad if the cancer cells are fueled by estrogen. My tumor
was strange in a number of ways, and one is that it wasn't clear whether it responded to estrogen or not. I am taking
Tamoxifen for five years which is a drug that blocks the effect of estrogen in breast cancer cells, but Patti brought up the
possibility of having my ovaries removed. If it was certain that my tumor responded to estrogen, it might be an easy
decision to do the surgery, but in my status, it's just not clear. If I were to do that, it would be permanent and sudden
menopause. Having been through short periods of it twice now (during both times I was in chemo) I am not wild about
that idea. So, I have a phone consultation with my oncologist today to see what his opinion is. More on that later.......
I have been doing something very fun this morning - I have boxed up all of my fake boobs (except for my knitty titties),
all of my pocketed bras, and a bunch of scarves and hats to send off to the Breast Cancer Resource Fund that helps women who
don't have insurance and cannot afford these things. It's been very therapeutic to be able to let go of this stuff.
Monday, December 25, 2006
Merry Christmas!
It's Christmas morning, and Brian is at work for half the day. I thought I'd take a quick moment to catch up on
here.
I was hoping to get at least one of butt drains out last week, but they felt it was too soon. I have had the left
one in for over 3 weeks now. Oh well, it's better not to do it too soon.
I've been coming to terms with the girls not being the same size. I've seen a couple other friends who have had
reconstruction, and they are not symmetrical either. I've looked closely at the donor sites, and there might be
a slight difference in how much tissue was taken, but not enough to account for the size difference. I really do think
the mastectomy last year on the left was more aggressive AND having had radiation on that side in 1997 caused more tissue
damage/fibrosis. I don't even know if the skin on the left could have been stretched more than it was. I have a
couple areas where a bunch of little vessels broke during the procedure.
Though I know it was the best decision for me at the time, I sometimes find myself wishing I had not undergone radiation
therapy. It was a very easy treatment at the time, but it causes so much tissue damage that isn't outwardly visible.
BUT, if I had not had radiation, I would have had to have a mastectomy in '97, and I don't know if I would have handled that
emotionally. And of course, nobody expected that I would develop another cancer in such a short time. So now we
just deal with the hand we have.
I decided rather than have liposuction on the right to make it match the left, I would rather make the left match the
right. So I went to Nordstroms to look into getting those little "enhancers" to wear on one side. I had forgotten
to take a bra as I am not supposed to wear one yet, so the saleslady said she'd get one for me just to try out. She
asked my size, and I said 34B. She said "I don't think so...." She fitted me into a 34D!!!! I was in absolute
shock. I did not occur to me I would need all new bras, so I ended buying 3 cute ones that night and I've been on the
hunt ever since. I pop that little enhancer under the runt on the left side, and it's perfect.
So, I find myself very happy for a number of reasons. Most importantly, I am here! This has been a very
difficult year for Brian and me, but we made it through it all. Though I was really afraid when I first finished chemo,
I no longer find myself dwelling on the possibility of recurrence. I know cancer will never be 100% out of our minds,
but I do believe this is behind us. We have done everything possible, so it really isn't worth the negative energy worrying
about it. I have another check-up this week, but I am not at all anxious about it.
I am also grateful I was able to have the reconstruction before the New Year. I look forward to getting back
to work and doing the fun things that we love.
I am also grateful that my surgery was successful. The procedure I had, using tissue from the gluteal area to create
the breasts, is not a common surgery, and in many areas of the country, there are no surgeons who can do it. It has
a higher failure rate than other reconstructive surgeries, too, so it takes an extremely skilled surgeon to be able to pull
it off. Performing reconstruction on previously radiated tissue makes it even more difficult, so I feel extremely lucky
to have found such a wonderful surgeon.
I am also grateful that I have a husband whose heart is 100% with me. I don't know what I would do without him.
And of course, I have all of you. I never felt that I needed support groups this time because I already have a huge
one! I hope you know how much we appreciate you.
Here's to a happy, fun-filled and HEALTHY 2007!
Camari
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Two Drains Down
Went in Thursday for a post-op appointment and both drains in the right chest area were only getting about 5cc a day,
so the plastic surgeon took both of them out. It hurt like hell when he took em out, but it goes really quick.
So now, I only have two drains, one in each hip. He was laughing when he looked at our log of drainage. Brian
had labeled the two donor site drains as "Left Butt" and "Right Butt."
I asked him a bit more about being lopsided, and he said they like to refer to it as being asymmetrical :)
He said it is totally my decision if I choose to have the right one reduced a bit with liposuction. I can't even
believe I worry about it at all. I was "asymmetrical" even before the mastectomy last year as radiation had caused ol'
leftie to shrink over the years, and then of course, after the mastectomy, I had nothing at all over there. When I first
saw the left side after the first surgery, I was completely surprised at how much he was able to do. A week later I
was in complete awe after seeing the right one. I truly think it's bordering on a C cup! After going through what
I did to get it, I don't think I'm willing to give any of it up. The size difference is truly not even all
that noticeable unless I tell someone about it. And how many of us women out there are 100% even???? Brian says
I will have to adjust how I swim so I won't just go in circles now.......
I also told the surgeon that I had been trying on bikini tops (this is while I still had the drains in). He said
most women are not ready to do that so soon, and that it is a really good sign of emotional recovery.
The pain gets better every day, and I only take the occasional Percocet now. When I do, I cut them in half.
With that, I can start driving again. Brian goes back to work tomorrow, so I'm really glad I will be able to drive.
Last February, after just my first cycle of chemotherapy, my periods stopped. The first time I did chemo, I was
in menopause for about 6 months. This time, they felt it was more likely to be a permanent menopause as I had now done
chemo twice, and of course, I am older. Well, I got a big surprise yesterday. It has come back with a vengeance.
I don't know that I have ever had such a heavy one. It's making up for lost time.
Love and hugs to all of you and thanks so much for encouraging me to share. I sometimes worry maybe it's too
much info, but I get such positive feedback. Thank you for "listening."
Camari
PS In addition to Delphi's kidney disease, hyperthyroidism, and high blood pressure, she now has a bit of arthritis,
hence one more medication for her. She takes more meds than her mom! Her arthritis med is a capsule that we break
open with tuna flavored medicine inside. Yesterday, I was giving it to her in her food and eating nuts at the same time.
I spaced, popped the pill in my mouth and bit down, and instantly realized that nuts aren't usually tuna flavored. Pretty
disgusting, but Brian got a good laugh out of it!
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
A Full Set
I am a little belated in posting this as I have been home since Saturday, but I have just been dopey from the pain meds
and pretty tired.
We got an early start again last Wednesday morning. I had been concerned because the mastectomy site from the previous
week was looking a bit red, and if they had felt there was any chance I had an infection, the second reconstruction would
have been delayed. When the surgeon checked it out, though, he felt it was more skin irritation just healing from the
surgery, so we proceeded. Much like the first week, they had me in the OR by about 7:30am and I was off in la-la land.
I don't remember anything until about 7pm at which point I was in the ICU. I woke up in such pain. Apparently,
the vessels in the gluteal donor site in the right side were even smaller than the ones from the left side, and they really
had to do some digging around to find them. The natural response of the muscles is to contract, and my whole butt and
hip felt like they were in total spasm. There was just no position the nurses could put me in to get comfortable, and
I could not move myself at all. It's hard feeling so helpless when you hurt so much.
I remember coming in and out of consciousness with Brian sitting in a chair next to the bed. I know it was another
long day for him. I think he left around 9:30 that night but was not able to sleep at all after he got home.
Since I had so much itching from the dilaudid the previous week, they had decided to try morphine instead. They
had me hooked up so I would automatically get a dose, and I could also push my little button every 8 minutes to get a dose.
It didn't matter how much I pushed that button, I was still in way too much pain. About 3am I told the nurse I just
couldn't take it anymore. She gave me a larger dose right then, and also increased the dose I received each time I pushed
the button and increased the frequency to every 6 minutes. This finally gave me some relief and I woke up at one point
realizing my pain was under control.
By the next morning, the itching had already started. It had taken a bit longer to start on the dilaudid.
It started getting so bad, they decided to give me benadryl every 6 hours. Unfortunately, I only felt relief for about
the first hour after the dose, so the next 5 hours were no fun.
Brian spent quite a bit of time with me the next day. He brought back the DVD player he'd bought and we watched
some more episodes of the TV series Lost which we are really liking. I was in the ICU until 5:30 that night
because the regular floor had no beds open. I only got out of bed once that day just to stand up for awhile. Brian
cautioned me to be careful of my IV, but right after I stood up, I felt liquid running down my hand, and sure enough, I had
yanked it right out. They got someone from the lab right up to put another one in so I wouldn't go too long without
my infusion of morphine.
Thursday night was absolute hell with itching. I started to feel I'd almost rather deal with the pain. By
the next morning, I had purple marks all over from where I had been clawing myself. I had decided I would ask them to
get me off of the morphine as soon as the doc came by for morning rounds. They want to keep you on the continuous infusion
with the push button for the first few days because you get the most pain relief. But when he walked in the room, I
burst into tears and begged him to get me off the morphine. He approved it and it was the beginning of my turn around.
My surgeon had said to anticipate being in the hospital for up to a week with the second surgery, but by Friday afternoon,
I was feeling like a whole new person already. I had been able to take a shower, had some friends come to
visit who took walks with us up and down the hall, was eating solid food with no problem, and was sitting in my chair.
When my surgeon came by that evening, he was surprised at how fast I was recovering, and asked when I wanted to go home.
I told him "tomorrow," and he said that would be fine.
One thing I had noticed right away was that the right breast looked quite a bit bigger than the left. I knew some
of that was due to swelling, but I asked the doc about it. He said that they harvested the same amount of tissue from
each side (and my butt does look very even), but the left reconstruction was more difficult. Since I had radiation back
in 1997, tissue in the area had been damaged, the skin was really thin, and he feels perhaps the plastic surgeon was more
aggressive in removing all of the tissue since there was a known cancer there when she did the mastectomy last December.
In essence, the same amount of tissue had to make up for more of a loss on the left side than the right. He felt that
it was better to use all of the tissue they had harvested on the right side even though they could see it would end up being
bigger, let things settle out for awhile, then we could evaluate doing some liposuction to even things out if needed.
If it turns out it's only a bit bigger once everything settles out, I will just leave it. It's actually kind of cool
to look at my chest and think "Wow I have some knockers!"
We were hardly getting anything out of the drain coming from the right breast, and I could clearly see it was swollen
yesterday. When I tapped it, it sounded like our waterbed when it got bubbles in it. So I called yesterday, and
they had me come in. Sure enough, I had a bunch of fluid built up in the upper chest area. They put a small seroma
drain in, and it filled half the bulb immediately. So now I am walking around with two drains from the right breast
and a drain coming from each cheek. I am quite the sexy sight.
I have been doing 12 percocet a day for the pain and still moving around like a little old lady, but finally today I
feel the pain is starting to diminish. I am cutting back on the amount of the pain meds now. It'll be good to
get off of them and not feel so blonde all the time.
I am definitely up for phone calls and visitors. As doped up as I am, I cannot even think about doing Christmas
cards, but thanks for all that we have received. It's always good to hear from everybody. I hope your holiday
seasons are going great. We are so looking forward to 2007!
Love and hugs to everyone
Sunday, December 3, 2006
Surgery Part I
Hello everyone,
I am home and everything is going great!
We left to go to the hospital early Wednesday because the roads had been icy, but they were clear and we were there by
4:30am. I was prepped and ready to go into surgery by 7:30ish. Everyone on the surgery team that I actually had
a chance to meet was great. General anesthesia is a strange beast. I remember the anesthesiologist telling me
she would take good care of me, then they were waking me up telling me the reconstruction on the left was done and they were
getting ready to do the mastectomy on the right as soon as Dr Chao got there. The next thing I knew they were telling
me the mastectomy was done and I was in recovery - this was around 5:30 that night. They moved me to the ICU, and I
was still in a complete fog until after midnight. I do remember my dear friend (and oncology nurse through both cancers)
Patti there and of course Brian. He later told me I was so groggy he didn't think I would remember anything. I
know it was a long, long day for him.
They gave me one of those little buttons you can push for pain medicine, and they said I could push it every 8 minutes.
I was not using it enough at first and let the pain build up a bit too much, and it felt awful to move. Still, I recovered
quickly and was out of the ICU by 11:30 the next morning. They said it normally takes women with this surgery 24 hours
to be out of ICU, so that was good. I was up walking around (gingerly) that day, got the catheter removed and had the
pleasure of a clear liquid diet. Yummy stuff. By the next day, I had the pain managed better and was feeling quite
well, so the doc said I could leave on Saturday. They switched me over to the oral pain meds and got me eating solid
food again. The rest of the stay was uneventful other than a mild allergic reaction to the first pain med, so they will
give me something else next week. Brian bought me a portable DVD player, and I watched some episodes of Grey's Anatomy.
I had resisted doing this, but it was a great form of entertainment. Next week I will catch up on some chick flicks.
The breast surgeon from Group Health came by on her day off to give me some good news - they found no evidence of cancer
in the right breast tissue she had removed! Yee Ha! I wasn't worried about it, but it was still good news to hear.
Now the part we all REALLY want to know - what do I think of the new boob. It's WONDERFUL! I was too out
of it to even look at it until the day after the surgery, and I had seen photos of this surgery before, so as far as the scarring
I knew what to expect. But I was very pleasantly surprised by how good I thought it looked. I honestly feel mine
is the best one I've seen. The butt scar (in the crease) is pretty long, but as far as the shape it just seems to have
smoothed it out a bit. What more could you ask for getting a butt reduction and new boobs at the same time.
The plastic surgeon did bring up a funny point - he commented on the fact that I went into surgery with one breast
and came out with one - just a different side. So for this week I am still a Uniboober, but after next week you can
call me Butt Jugs.
I appreciated all the calls and visitors. I really am a lucky lady to have such good friends and family to help
Brian and I get through these times. They expect the next stay to be longer because my body has already been through
a long day of anesthesia and is healing from surgery, so he said to expect up to a week. Once I am out of the ICU, I
can have my cell phone on and have visitors, so feel free to drop by or call me at 425-239-7702. Just beware - I have
become quite the exhibitionist!
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Urban Renewal Surgery
Hello everyone,
Long time no write! I was
reading back through this and realizing so much has happened since I last wrote. I went back to work and just jumped
back into a regular hectic life. I think it was a good sign that I was ready to move on and not have cancer be the focus
of my life. I will catch up more of what’s happened between then and now later.
As many of you know, I had been
on a waiting list to have breast reconstruction done since last March. Well, after a long wait, my name finally came
up. We have had a bunch of pre-surgery appointments and tomorrow is the big day.
I also made a big decision –
after being diagnosed with breast cancer twice by the age of 41, I felt I didn’t want to spend my life waiting for it to happen
again. Also, watching my friend Dana lose her battle with the disease 16 years after her original diagnosis showed me
the true horror of breast cancer. I want to give myself every possible opportunity to live into a ripe old age and drive
Brian crazy. So, I will be having my right breast removed and reconstructed
even though it currently shows no signs of having cancer.
When we met with the plastic
surgeon last year, he explained all the reconstruction options and why most of them would not work for me. I am not
a candidate for implants because of the radiation I had in 1997. When a woman who has had a mastectomy gets implants,
they start by placing a tissue expander under the chest wall. Then, over weeks or months, they inject solution in the
expander and stretch the tissue out. When they get to the desired size, the expander comes out and the implant is placed.
When a woman has had radiation, the tissue cannot stretch to accommodate that. Other procedures involve taking fat from
various areas of the body, most often from the abdomen. This is the one time where my workouts and healthy diet worked
against me – not enough fat there. They can also use the latissimus dorsi from the back, but that would be affect my
ability to do the job as well as rock climb and stuff. So it came down to the final option of using fat from the booty.
For once I was happy about the extra cushion I have in that area. I may not be J-Lo, but I’ve got enough. The
plastic surgeon will be taking fat and skin as well as an artery and vein from the crease and creating new breasts from that.
It’s pretty amazing. Once the tissue settles into its new home in a couple months, he will make nipples for me.
He will use the skin from the new tissue for the shape and then tattoo the color.
Of course the jokes have already
been coming. One of the guys I work with asked if I would be wearing my shirt unbuttoned a ways to show off my new cleavage.
Another said, “Yeah, you could show us your crack.” Another one was showing me the new way I could sit down. And
I have figured out when I am mad at someone, I will be able to stick my chest out and say “Kiss my ass!”
So, tomorrow we check in at Virginia Mason Hospital
at 5:30am. My plastic surgeon will reconstruct my left breast, and when
he’s finished, my surgeon will do the mastectomy on the right. I will be in intensive care for a day or so after the
surgery then in a regular bed for a few more days. How long I am there will all depend on how I feel. They feel
it’s best for you to get home as soon as you are able. Then I go back in a week later on Dec 6th, and he
will reconstruct the right breast. He said the second surgery will be tougher for me as my body will have already had
a big shock with anesthesia and surgery, so to expect to be in the hospital up to a week. I will have the surgical drains
in for 3 weeks or so. That part I am not looking forward to.
Brian was able to get 3 weeks off from work to be home with me, so that’s
great. We’ll certainly get caught up on our movies.
While I am in the hospital, Brian will post updates on here just to let everyone know how I am doing. This will be very stressful
on him, and we thought this would make it easiest on him. We’ve both been pretty anxious and have hard times sleeping
since I got the news that I had a surgery date. I feel so ready to have it done, but I am not looking forward to the
process.
I will keep my knitty titties
just because I love them, but I am excited to donate the other prostheses. I feel that I have dealt with having the
mastectomy really well, but I feel so ready to be whole again.
I know I will do just fine through
surgery and will look forward to talking to you all. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season. I know for us,
we look forward to 2007 and all the fun it will bring to us.
Saturday, June 3, 2006
Renewal
There is so much happening right now. First of all, I am getting furry. The hair on my head started sprouting
about two weeks ago, and every day I can see the difference. From a distance, I still look bald, but when you're up
close, it's quite petable (is that a word???) I find myself petting my own head when we're watching movies. It's
so soft. There's a lot of colorless hairs in there, but some of them look really dark. It can take a while
for the pigment cells to regenerate, so I have hope that I won't be mostly white. I guess I could just dye it blue and
join the little old lady crowd if it is.
I can also see little tiny brow hairs and lashes growing in. I never lost either completely, but they were quite
sparse. I had one lash left on the bottom at one point, and only a few in the middle of the top. I have had to
start shaving the legs more regularly, but the pits aren't growing. I wouldn't be disappointed if those never came back.
There is also regrowth occuring in the forest, if you get my drift.
Today is the day of the pool party and silent auction that my friend Sheryl has organized. She has put a tremendous
amount of effort into this. I am so excited for it. There are lots of great auction items, food for the BBQ, a
raffle and more. I am just about overwhelmed with it. Everything raised will go towards our team fundraising goal
for the Komen Foundation. Next week, we have our Traxx go-kart racing event, too.
I had a physical with the doctor who does our annual fitness/physical tests. I have gone in the last couple of
years, so I thought going through it now would provide a good measure of where I am at, and if I am ready to go back to regular
duty or if I should consider modified duty. Everything went well, and he felt that I am just fine to go back.
I also got a release from my oncologist, so once the dept reviews everything and agrees with the recommendations, I will be
set to return to duty June 10th!!! It is so exciting. I just can't wait to be doing the job again, but even more,
to be back amongst the people I work with. They have been absolutely wonderful in supporting me as I have gone through
this second battle with breast cancer. I can't imagine another place where your co-workers would work every day for
you to ensure you received all your pay and benefits as well as holding on to all of your sick leave. What a gift they
have given.
The other day was the halfway point for my friend Tanya's chemo. Since she is doing 3 months of adriamycin/cytoxan
followed by 3 months of Taxol, it also marked the end of the adriamycin treatments. Her husband, two of her friends
in her neighborhood and I had a little surprise party for her at the infusion ward. It was great because John had planned
it ahead with one of the nurses, and she snuck us in the back door so Tanya wouldn't see us. We decorated the room before
they brought her back. The look on her face was priceless when she walked in. John had a surprise in store for
both of us while we were there. One of the women I work with, Cynthia Thomas, had made us each a fabulous quilt with
pictures from the head shaving party they had at Station 2 in March. Words can't even describe how awesome these quilts
are with all those beautiful bald heads and smiling faces.
We did get some good news from another friend this week. The same day we decorated Dana's courtyard and that she
lost her fight, my friend Stacy spent the whole day at Virginia Mason having tests run and a biopsy done of two nodules on
her thyroid as well as a lymph node on her neck. As she is a melanoma survivor, you can just imagine how stressful
this was for her (and for her husband). Fortunately, the thyroid nodules were definitely benign, and more than likely
the lymph node, too. They will keep an eye on it. I was on the way home after delivering our gifts to Dana's house
when I talked with her on the phone after her procedures. I just couldn't help thinking, what is happening to my friends.
So I was glad to get her good news. She has been through enough already.
I met with Patti, my fabulous oncology nurse and friend, yesterday. I will be starting Tamoxifen pretty soon.
We decided to wait until I get back to work and settle in a bit before starting it. So I will probably start mid to
end of June.
I think about Dana and her family every day. Her obituary was beautiful with a photo of her wonderful, smiling
face. Her family included a whole paragraph on the pink patio day and what that meant to all of them, especially as
it was the last day of her life. I feel fortunate that we were able to be close to her that day even if we weren't able
to see her. I know when we are at the Race for the Cure this year, it will be really difficult knowing she won't be
there. Her spirit will always be with us, though, urging us on just as she did in life.
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