Akai Papillons and Phalenes - Marion Ford

 

 

Humor

 

"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion." -- Unknown
 
 
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!
-- Steve Bluestone

My neighbor has two dogs. One of them says to the other, "Woof!" The other replies, "Moo!" The dog is perplexed. "Moo? Why did you say, "Moo'?" The other dog says, "I'm trying to learn a foreign language."
- Morey Amsterdam

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
--Lewis Grizzard

There are three faithful friends--an old wife, an old dog and ready money.
--Ben Franklin.

The other day I saw two dogs walk over to a parking meter. One of them says to the other, "How do you like that? Pay toilets!"
--Dave Starr

They say the dog is man's best friend. I don't believe that. How many of your friends have you neutered?
--Larry Reeb

I went to an exclusive kennel club. It was very exclusive. There was a sign out front: "No Dogs Allowed."
--Phil Foster

He that lieth down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas.
--Ben Franklin

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
--Mark Twain

I have a great dog. She's half Lab, half pit bull. A good combination. Sure, she might bite off my leg, but she'll bring it back to me.
--Jimi Celeste

Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs.
--Martha Scott

Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.
--Josh Billings

When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
--Erma Bombeck

Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls ...
--Phillis Diller

I've been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.
--Wendy Liebman

My advice to any diplomat who wants to have good press is to have two or three kids and a dog.
--Carl Rowan

Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, "Attack!" And he has one. All he does is piddle. He's nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
--Phillis Diller

They have dog food for constipated dogs. If your dog is constipated, why screw up a good thing? Stay indoors and let 'em bloat!
--David Letterman

I bought my grandmother a Seeing Eye dog. But he's a little sadistic. He does impressions of cars screeching to a halt.
--Larry Amoros

I like driving around with my two dogs, especially on the freeways. I make them wear little hats so I can use the car-pool lanes.
--Monica Piper

A man bitten by a dog, whether the animal is mad or not, is apt to get mad himself.
--George D. Prentice 1802-1870 American Journalist & Humorist.

Keep running after a dog and he will never bite you.
--Francois Rabelais 1495-1583 French Humorist.

I am sir Oracle, and when I ope my lips, let no dog bark.
--Shakespeare.

About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.
--Edgar Watson Houe 1853-1937 American Journalist.

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.
--Aldous Huxley 1894 English Novelist.

Man is a dogs ideal of what God should be.
--Holbrook Jackson 1874 English Journalist.

The more I see of the depressing stature of people, the more I admire my dogs.
--Alphonse de Lamartine 1790-1869 French Poet.

Revenge is often like biting a dog because the dog bit you.
--Austin O'Malley 1858-1932 American Oculist.

Histories are more full of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends.
--Alexander Pope 1688-1744 English Poet.

Man is an animal that makes bargains; no other animal does this--no dog exchanges bones with another.
--Adam Smith 1723-1790 Scottish Politician and Economist.

A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
--Josh Billings

The dog that will follow everbody ain't worth a curse.
--Josh Billings.

If dogs could talk, perhaps we'd find it just as hard to get along with them as we do people.
--Karel Capek 1890-1938 Czech Journalist.

You never realize a dog is a man's best friend until you start betting on horses.

Dogs are lousy poker players. When the get a good hand they wag their tails.

Dumb dog. I bought a dog whistle. He won't use it.

A guy wanted the vet to cut his dog's tail off. The vet asked why. Well, my mother in law is visiting next month and I want to eliminate any possible indication that she is welcome.

The more I see of men the more I like dogs.
--Madame de Stael 1766-1817 French social leader.

Heaven goes by favor; if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
--Mark Twain.

When a man's dog turns against him it is time for a wife to pack her trunk and go home to mama.
--Mark Twain.

A reasonable amount of fleas is good for a dog; it keeps him from brooding over being a dog.
--Edward Noyes Westcott 1846-1898 American Banger & Novelist.

The man who gets bit twice by the same dog is better adapted for that kind of business than any other.
--Josh Billings.

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
--Ogden Nash

Both humans and dogs love to play well in adulthood, and individuals from both species occasionally display evidence of having a conscience.
--John Winokur, American Writer

Oh, what is the matter with poor Puggy-Wug? Pet him and kiss him and give him a hug. Run and fetch him a suitable drug. Wrap him up tenderly all in a rug. That is the way to cure Puggy-Wug.
--Winston Churchill, on his daughter Mary's pet pug.

I know that dogs are pack animals, but it is difficult to imagine a pack of standard poodles...and if there was such a thing as a pack of standard poodles, where would they rove to? Bloomingdale's?
--Yvonne Clifford, American actress

The great pleasure of a dog is that you make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, he will make a fool of himself too.
--Samuel Butler

The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor. --Margot Kaufman, American writer

 
   

Akai Papillons and Phalenes