Excerpts from The Dilbert Newsletter, issue #12
Induhviduals Calling Tech Support
...another true tale from tech support:
Tech Support: "What does the screen say now."
Induhvidual: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support: "Well?"
Induhvidual: "How do I know when it's ready?
True Tales of Induhviduals
My friend called his car insurance company to tell them to change his
address from Texas to Vermont. The woman who took the call asked where
Vermont was. As he tried to explain, she interrupted and said, "Look, I'm
not stupid or anything, but what state is it in?"
A co-worker was playing with an astronomy program called Distant Suns
when an Induhvidual walked by, noticed his monitor and inquired what he was
doing. He replied that he was connected to the Hubbell telescope and was
manipulating its view from his keyboard over the Internet. He even let this
person take a try at moving our NASA's multi-million dollar telescope himself,
just by clicking the mouse and the arrow keys! The person could not pry
himself away, thinking he was working with the Hubbell and could not wait to
tell his wife what he had done at work.
Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was
typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper.
What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," she told him.
With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it
on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.
Hey, interns work free.
I was working the help desk. One day one of the computer operators called
me and asked if anything "bad" would happen if she dropped coins into
the openings of her PC. I asked her if this was something she was thinking
of doing. She said, "never mind" and hung up. So I got out my trusty tool
kit and paid her a visit. I opened her CPU case and sure enoughthere
was 40 cents.
The Dilbert Zone: http://www.dilbert.com
Bruce Hutchinson's Story
I used to work in a storefront computer store back in the early '80s
that was next to a major department store. As a result, we had a lot of
kids wandering around, playing on the machines"just looking". But
some of them were bent on mischief, and we lost a couple of systems to
a "format c:" (and a quick exit!), before we learned to remove or rename
the formatting program.
"WARNING! Your picture has been recorded and the Police have
been summoned! Do not attempt to flee!"
However, the kids still tried, so I created a hidden batch fileformat.bat
and filled it with ctrl-G characters, interspersed with ANSI messages
After a dozen or so "alarms", the word got around and we had no further
Bruce Hutchinson, email@example.com
originally posted in alt.folklore.computers
"The trouble with computers, of course, is that they're very sophisticated
idiots. They do exactly what you tell them at amazing speed...even if
you order them to kill you, so if you do happen to change your mind, it's
very difficult to stop them obeying the original order, but not impossible!"
Doctor (Dr. Who)
One of my 5 years old son's kindergarten classmates came over for a visit.
When we took the tarp off the sandbox and he saw the buildings in it he
said "oh, Sim City, what level are you at?"
Bert Manning (bo774@FreeNet.Carleton.CA)
Would you rather fix the stuff that you broke while you were trying to
fix the stuff that never got fixed, or just start on the stuff you haven't
already tried to fix to build up your confidence?