- BABY-LEN 5: Yes, that's right, yet another spin-off of Look Who's
Talking hits the small screen. The twist is that Lenny can only think
five words, 'Mama, Hypoglycemia, Tesseract, Kumquat, and Cyndicrawford,'
but unfortunately after the first three minutes of hysterical laughter
as Lenny tells his hypoglycemic mother where to put the kumquat, its
all over for this show. The only reason to watch is the awesome special
effects. In fact, EVERY scene is generated ENTIRELY by a network of
5,000 Amigas with Screeching Video Cement Mixers installed. Needless
to say, this saved TONS of money on cast, crew, equipment, etc., while
also purchasing twice as many Amigas as were sold in the United States
in the past three months. For that reason alone, I give BABY-LEN 5 a
whopping 5 gurus!
- SEE-QIX RBG: Finally, a show for all of us closet Qix fans! See-Qix
RBG (the RBG stands for Really Boring Game) is 30 minutes of Qix action
on the small screen! Yes, that's right, you get to watch the likes of
Peter Falk, Axl Rose, and Dave Haynie playing Qix each and every week!
I must say, I was thoroughly impressed by this show. A special version
of Qix was programmed especially for the Amiga and Video Char-Broiler,
complete with flying logos and a special 3-d board! See-Qix RBG gets
a big 4.131519 gurus!
- ANIMORONIACS: Weiner Brothers' and Stephen Spillburg's new show is
apparently supposed to be some sort of replacement for Tiny Toon Adventures.
IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. -3 gurus (and we want more Tiny Toons!).
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- NHPD BLUE: The newest series from Steven Botchedup has been billed
as 'pornographic' and 'the first R-Rated TV show.' It takes place in
New Hampshire, one of the most BORING places in earth (New Hampshirites,
please direct all comments to ROB_G@delphi.com :-), and that's why they
have to put lots of sex, nudity and foul language in it. Since this
reviewer really _likes_ that kind of stuff, NHPD Blue gets 4.7 gurus.
- FLOOSIER: That's right, the infamous Floosier Crane, that wacky cross-dressing
manic-depressive from Cheerios is back with his own doomed spin-off
show! Floosier's antics are typically inane, it feels like Cheerios
without the bar. Be sure to pass this one up, even if you have to watch
opera on PBS to do it. -10 gurus.
- THE JON CROQUETTE SHOW: The man from Lite Court has also landed his
own series, but refreshingly, this show doesn't leech off of a previous
series like some other unnamed sitcoms. Jon really shows his acting
versatility in this show, playing one of those guys who work in the
bathrooms at fancy restaurants. His antics with the shaving cream are
particularly funny. Check it out! 3.9 gurus.
- "SHOT BY THE BELLHOP: THE COLLEGE YEAR": ACK! GACK! PFFT! SPPFFFFT!
YUCK! PTOO! GAG! RETCH! -infinity gurus!
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