This pregnancy has been quite the journey....it sure has seemed like a long one.  I sure hope I have learned some things along the way.  I sit here in my last days of ever being pregnant...Creating a child with the man you love and having it grow in your belly is an amazing miracle.  I don't know how people could have children and not believe in God, Our Heavenly Father.  I am trying to relish the enjoyable parts...It has been hard to do that along this journey.  I am trying to memorize the feeling of two babies moving around inside me, even though it's getting pretty squished and uncomfortable in this body of mine...the way it feels when they have the hiccups...watching my tummy roll in waves and touching my blossomed round belly to try and figure out which parts are pushing on me.  Oh the blessings that children bring.  My heart is so overwhelmed with joy and love for these two precious little bundles that God has entrusted Brian and I with. 

 

I was asked today if I was nervous.  The question ended up being about the c-section, but being nervous about their upcoming birth has never even popped into my mind.  I would say that I am excited, ready and anxious to know how it feels to hold not just one, but two sweet little girls in my arms and look into their precious little faces.  I remember the day Gabby was born....it was one of the best days in my life (the other day was our wedding day.)  I couldn't put her down because I couldn't stop looking at her thinking, "she looks so familiar!" :o)  It makes my cup runneth over.  I know I will be very busy, especially in their first few months of life.  Nursing them will add to that, but it is so important to me.  When I think about nursing my newborns, I can see a smile on God's face....it's just what He has in store for us.  It's so natural and bonding and the best start in life that I can give them besides praying for them.  I know it will be challenging to figure it all out (especially the sleep part - for me) in the beginning, but I am determined.  For those that truly know me, there is no stopping me when I get something in my head.  

 

I am also excited for Gabby to meet her new baby sisters.  We have been talking about them for months.  She really seems to like babies and is really sweet and giving to them.  I know it's different when you just see them and when two move into your house and take over your parents.  Brian, Mom and Dad and I are all very conscious of not wanting Gabby to feel left out.  I know it will take a little more effort on our parts with their being two babies, but we will do our absolute best to make sure she feels a part of things.  She still is and always will be my baby girl, even though I will have two more.  She has added such light, life and joy into all of our lives. 

 

I already knew that my parents were pretty terrific, but I just can't say what all they have done for us has meant.  They have taken in Gabby and I for 2.5 months and have totally taken care of us.  Believe me, in the beginning, especially, it wasn't easy.  It was a real adjustment and Mom was so exhausted.  She is still tired at the end of every day, but we have all settled into a routine, and it works.  They have really enjoyed getting to spend all this time with Gabby...like I said, she is joy, light and life.  She keeps us smiling every day.  Dad doesn't even seem to have liked it the few nights we were able to go and spend at home.  I'm not sure if it was Gabby-withdrawl or if he was just worried about me and what could happen.  After all, I am his little girl, and Gabby is mine.  Gabby and Paw-Paw have a very special bond like I used to when I was a little girl.  I can just see it now....Paw-Paw with a lap full of my 3 girls....I know it will happen. 

 

There are still times I can't believe I have made it this far...35 weeks and 1 day today to be exact.  It's only because of the loving sacrifice of my parents that I have made it thus far.  They came home from warm Texas when they weren't quite ready to and took us on.  That enabled me to just concentrate on eating and resting...those became my main jobs in life and I am in so much better shape than I was 2.5 months ago.  I am still weak, can't get around that well, and tire easily, but I have color in my face and can do more than I could before.  The biggest blessing is that I don't have those fainting spells anymore.   The other big thing that has kept me and the twins going is lots and lots of prayer.  I know that prayers all over the United States and Austrailia have been said for us.  I have a strong network of poodle friends who have strong faiths and are praying and having their churches and friends pray for us.  People at my church have also been praying.  That has been the strength that has carried us through.  I sure wish I lived closer to some of them....they have really been a great support to me, especially when I did not have a support system at home before my parents came back.  Even though I have been here for 2.5 months (at their house) I still have a group of supporters in my poodle friends all over the country and in others.  They send me cards or e-mails of encouragement, and have even called me.  The call that was the farthest away has been from Perth, Austrailia, and this friend has called a handful of times. 

 

I am still unsure as what I am supposed to have learned about my church situation.  Mom told me that she thinks that people didn't reach out to me because I had family that they thought should be helping me....but my parents were in Texas and not able to help me.  I guess people thought they should be home to be here for me, so no one really helped...that, and some people didn't know I needed help.   There were a few things that were done and were greatly appreciated, but I was a sinking ship and had no one to help throw me a life preserver.  I really struggled with that for the longest time and didn't even want to show up at my church for a while.  Some time has now passed and I have healed some, but am still uncertain about what we should do.  I visited another church, that I really really like and the pastor has visited me a few times and is even planning on being at the hospital when the twins are born.  I never got that type of support from my own church.  I have wondered if it is time to move on or not.  Yes, there are lots of wonderful people in my church....but when you have no one, and need help, and your church family can't be there for you, who will?  I was in a lonely place most of this pregnancy with being so ill.  And even now I don't hardly get out of the house, I can't.  God?  Are you trying to teach me to just rely upon you?  Will I ever have good friends that would be there for me if I ever needed them?  My parents are really the only people, besides Brian, that I have ever been able to count on....what happens when they leave this earth someday?  Will I feel really lost?  Lord, please help me to be who you want me to be...use me...develop me...mold me.  Lord I especially pray for guidance in raising the three little girls that you have given to Brian and I.  Help us to raise them to know You, to Love you, to serve You...I pray that Your Light and Your Love will shine in our lives so that others might see You.   Help us to be more like you, Lord.  Be the Leader in our home.  I honor You and give You the glory for all that we are and all that we have....we would be nothing without You, Lord.  Lead us to where you want us to go.  I also pray for Brian's job and future job search after the girls arrive and we know everyone is ok.  Lord, please bring the right job to us and let us know and feel peace when we have found the right one.  Help us to use all of our resources wisely and pleasing to You.  Lord, right now I ask that You wrap Your loving arms around Brian.  Comfort him, give him peace and calm about all the upcoming changes in his family.  Lord I pray that it will be a joy and enlightenment and not a burden of worry as to how we are going to be able to survive and make it in this world.  Lord, You have never failed us yet.  You have always provided and I know You will continue to provide.  Lord, I trust you and I put my family into Your loving hands.  For you always know better than we do.  Bless the end of this pregnancy, and I thank You, Lord, for the miracle of life.  Be with all of us in these last weeks and I pray that You will be evident to all in the birth of the twins.  I love You, Lord....and I lift my voice.  To worship You, oh, my soul - rejoice.  Take Joy, my King....in what You hear, may it be a sweet, sweet sound, in Your ear. 

 

Last, but not least....I have to say some words about my dear husband, Brian.  He has been living at home for 2.5 months without his "girls."  I know that has to be horribly hard on him.  He hasn't liked living the bachelor life again, but knows we didn't have any other choice.  When I really realized just how hard it had to be on him was when Gabby went to my brother and sister-in-laws for the weekend.  It was so quiet here without her...deafeningly quiet.  I knew she was having a blast and that it's good for her to have outings and get away, too, with other people that love her, but it sure didn't stop me from missing her.  Then I got to thinking how Brian has been without her, and me, for 2.5 months and how hard that must be.  Brian doesn't always say a lot, but when I asked him, I thought he almost teared up.  (I am sitting here with tears in my eyes just thinking about it.)  He said it was really hard but that we were all doing what we had to do.  Boy will we all be glad when we can all 5 be reunited at home after the girls are born.  Brian misses Gabby and I, and we really miss him.  Thank you Lord for giving me such a loving husband and father to my children.