An intense study of the world's great philosophers won't do you as much good as an hours worth of Jimmy Buffet's music.

People who don't "Buy America" first shouldn't have God Bless America stickers on the bumpers of their foreign made cars.

The litter along our highways proves that Iron Eyes Cody lived and died in vain.

Despite what guidance counselors say, you don't have to have two years of a foreign language to go to college.

Kentuckians have difficulty saying the word Quesadilla at Taco Bell.

Any form of extremism is dangerous.

I've never met anyone that served in the military who hasn't concluded it was one of the most important and influential experiences of his/her life.

Despite your accomplishments, you're not really taken seriously until you're in you mid-thirties.

I can't touch my nose with my tongue or curl my tongue.

Racism makes no sense and some of our more fervent racists are those who have the least reason to hate.

People who have a right to "have nice things" are those with incomes sufficient to buy them instead of renting. It costs a lot of money to be poor.

The truly ugly won't be made better looking with the addition of another tatoo or body piercing. Nor are the truly beautiful made more beautiful.

Jerry Seinfeld isn't funny.

Too often the most opinionated are those who have made the least effort examining the facts. 

Lotteries are a tax on the poor and the despirate.

There are too many Americans today who judge the worth of comedians by the number of times they can work the "F" word into their act.

I never met a man who looked better with a toupee.

North Carolinians all believe they are genetically engineered with the skills to be race drivers and have the right to exceed the speed of sound on Interstates.

For decades blues music was known as the Devil's music. If true, it obviously hasn't won enough converts, so the Devil created hip-hop.

The popularity of tabloid  newspapers and reality television proves that human evolution is a very slow process. In the same vein, those who watch pro wrestling are on a different evolutionary branch than those who watch conventional sports.

Despite all the studys, education and laws, far too many people continue to drive without using their seatbelts.

Too many things today cost more than what I paid for my first house.

Political correctness is destroying the seasoning of our lives.

Old people shouldn't wear clothing made of Spandex.