As we approached this weekend we knew it was going to be a difficult one. Although it was our first Saturday morning to sleep in, it was a weekend that was honored to Tristan. We went to church on Saturday as we always do but were then going to a friends, daughters birthday party after. When we got to church on Saturday there were a lot more cars than normal. When we sat down we realized it was the pre-school choir. We did okay until they started singing. You could see all the proud parents in the audience as their children showed off all their hard work. The most difficult thing is picturing Tristan up there singing as we knew he would have at that age. At about that time is when we both broke down. We did the only thing we could do, we went to see Tristan at his bed. We could walk, cry and just talk about all the things Tristan was sure to become. The only problem was Sunday was to be the tough day. We have received letters from St. Vincent in Indy since Tristan became an Angel, but being 2 hours away and usually events being held during the week we have not been able to make it down there. Today they had a memorial for all the children, infants and adults that had passed away through out the year. This was something we could not miss. Just being in Indy is tough, let alone next to the hospital that we spent so much time. It was a very special service and we drove around the NICU and PICU lots before we drove home. I could see us driving away with Tristan as all the nurses waived goodbye. Realization however quickly set in as Sarah and I left alone. A place our hearts can't escape.

We love you sweet Tristan. We know you are by our side every moment but selfishly that's not enough. We want you in our arms.

Have sweet dreams tonight, Love Mom and Dad.

5 months ago today I was given the greatest gift of all time. A beautiful boy came into this world and he was all mine. He looked like every other child on the outside but on the inside the was something more. There is a saying that says "Sometimes less is more" and this was definitely the case. Our son was born with an under developed heart but that couldn't stop him from completing the hearts of everyone who heard his story. Everyday he fought for his life and completed every task put in his way. When his earthly job was complete, God took him home. Now it is our turn to fight. We fight everyday the way Tristan did. The only difference is that instead of being born with a broken heart, part of ours was taken away. Today was a numbing day. It just gets harder and harder. I look up at the sky and see the sun and the clouds and know that Tristan is okay. If he wasn't the sun would never rise. I just want to hold him, kiss him goodnight, wake up at 3:00 a.m. and tell him everything will be okay. The little things that are taken for granted are what mean the most to us now. Sarah is my life. She was before but now more than ever. I see Tristan in her face, both when she smiles and when she frowns. I want my Tristan back but unfortunately it will not happen in this lifetime. All we can do to ensure we will see him again is to believe in our faith. We must follow God's word and live life knowing this is not our final resting place.

Tristan we love you and miss you. Happy 5 month B day and we will see you in heaven before you know it. Keep us strong and keep us focused. Stop by and visit us in our dreams.

Your mother and I love you.

Good night sweet Angel Tristan....

My First Child
© Martha Baltazar
Since the day I you were in my tummy
I knew I'd be a great mommy
I'd love to feel every kick you gave
How I wish I'd see you wave

Getting things ready for the big day
Knowing soon I'm going to see you play
Seeing one big smile on your face
All the little things you'll do we'll be amazed

Now GOD may have taken the best of us
But only he knows what he does
On April 19,2004 I saw you go down
Since then I carry a frown

Having to move on not forgetting your face
Letting you know that in my heart is a space
Where you'll stay to play all day
and you'll never have to go away..

We love you Tristan. We miss you every minute, but life is short and we will see you soon. We see your smile everyday through the sun and the stars.

Love,

Your mom and dad

It is hard to believe but Tristan has been an Angel for 3 months. We have 2 dates a month that really stand out. The 19th of each month which is the date he was born and the 11th of each month for when he grew his wings. The 11th of October was especially hard. We had dinner with the entire immediate family for my mothers birthday which was October 10th. When we all sat down to eat all I could think about was the fact that someone was missing. Tristan was not there with us. This is something I go through just about every day. When you hear people talking about their children at work or about school, he is all I can think about. Sarah and I went to a wedding yesterday of a couple that has been there for us, especially when I was at work. We both had a lot of fun and spent quality time together. When we danced to slow songs all I could think about was Tristan. He is always on my mind and I miss him so much. With the holidays coming up I am extremely nervous. It is great being with everyone but I feel most comfortable with Sarah at the house. I can remember last Christmas when we would talk about this Christmas we would put up the tree since we would have a child. We stopped putting a tree up for a couple years until we had a child. We will still put the tree up for Tristan but it isn't the same. Life isn't the same.

We love you Tristan. Watch over all of us.

Love,

Mom and Dad

Sarah and I are still working through things one day at a time. To say it has not been a struggle would be a lie. The good thing is we know Tristan is watching over us by the little signs. I have mentioned before that Tristan's garden has been growing well. His rose bush has bloomed twice in just this small amount of time. I have put pics up of the bush before the big wind gusts and post the big wind gusts. Just like Tristan they fight through it. We have also posted a picture of our Angel, from the week before he passed away. Everyone says he looks like his dad but sometimes when we go to sleep and Sarah is tucked into bed I see my Tristan in her face. You can see in this picture how similar they look. He was growing to have facial features like his mom each day. He was so beautiful and if he kept after his mothers looks, a ladies man would be inevitable. We miss our little guy. But we continue to pray each night that he watches over us and the people that need God's help.

Sarah and I did get our tattoos yesterday. We both had a poem made into the shape of a cross. We both got the same tattoo and they look perfect. The great thing is an excerpt of the poem is being put on Tristan's stone too. Just one more thing to link us until we see him in Heaven.

We love you Tristan, have sweet dreams and we will talk to you soon.

Love your Mom and Dad.