Inevitably you will lose a parent.  I lost my father in March of 2005.  No matter how much you prepare it seems you are not ready.  But, you can help your surviving parent and the rest of the family ease the trauma of this event.  Funeral planning, legal matters and prepay are not easy topics to broach with them but it’s better than a hurried rush when you are not emotionally stable.

How do you begin talking about such a sensitive topic?

Take a cue from your parents’ comments about death, perhaps at the death of a close friend or relative.  Quietly suggest that you’d like to know their end of life wishes.  Funeral home, church services, favorite hymns, minister, burial plot or cremation wishes, pall bearers, memorials, etc.  This can also lead to the discussion of compiling obituary information.  I wrote these beforehand and was surprised by the number of my parents’ accomplishments I did not know about. No matter how difficult it is to imagine their passing it is not a matter that should be delayed.  Regrets later over missed opportunities will not rewind the clock.

I’ve seen the sad result of confused survivors trying to pull this together at the last minute.  In the hurry to meet a newspaper deadline important facts were missed and the widow was made even sadder afterwards.  Feelings can be accidentally hurt.  Remember, this is the sum of a person’s life, their history, accomplishments, family, contributions of service, etc.  Shouldn’t it be done with some careful thought and consideration?  Not slapped together at the last moment with memories clouded by emotion.

Note: Putting their funeral wishes in their will does not always guarantee the results they desire as wills are often read after the funeral. 

If your parent is faced with paying for nursing home care through Medicaid then prepaid funeral expenses (irrevocable burial plan) are exempt from their asset qualification.  Consider this option if they have the funds.  Consult your state Medicaid web site or office before executing one of these plans.

Legal preparations are also important.  Remind your parents that it is one way to have their wishes honored after death.  A Will alone will NOT cover everything.  If your parents have set up their assets with survivorship and updated all beneficiary statements this will reduce probate but there will no likely still be some required.  Limited Partnerships and Estates should also be considered to protect parents’ assets and provide a management structure for their debt payment and asset dispersal.  Seek professional help beforehand. 

Finally, obtain at least 15 certified copies of death certificate.  You will need them.  Here is a partial list of places to contact and it is by no means exhaustive.  All of these will likely ask for a death certificate.

-         Social Security

-         Pension administration

-         Veterans Administration

-         Annuity Companies – a new direct deposit form may be required

-         Life Insurance Companies

-         Bank checking and savings accounts

-         Credit card if card is in deceased’s name.  Usually cards are in the husband’s name and require a new card for the wife.

-         Transfer CD ownership

-         Transfer stock/IRA ownership – probate required

-         401K administration

-         Medicare & Medicaid

-         Clubs and organizations – stop dues notices

-         Private medical insurance carrier

Don’t forget that the surviving spouse’s Will, Durable Power of Attorney, Health Care Power of Attorney, asset beneficiary statements will have to be changed.

Warning:  Social Security, pension, annuity contracts, VA benefits, etc. can take 6-8 weeks to process and issue or restart payments.  Take this into account when budgeting for the first 2 months after the death if the income was in the deceased spouse’s name.