Like most baby boomer children I never thought to ask my parents about their finances before it became evident there were problems. It's almost as hard as taking away their car keys. Growing up that "was none of your business young man". It's difficult to suddenly picture the father who always took care of such things as incompetent. To stick your nose into their finances is a threat to their independence.

Usually it's a crisis that brings the truth to light, a missed payment, a sudden illness, an overdrawn account. Parents are often too proud to ask for help so you have to be more aware. If you live a distance away as many do from their parents you need to listen for little signs of confusion or worry on the part of parents during phone calls or visits. Often it's Mom who expresses it first. Remember, my parents are from the generation where men don't cry or bother others with their troubles. Women take care of the home and men bring home the money.

In my case the changes in my father came slowly due to his gradual dementia. It was only when my mother fretted more than usual about paying bills that I took notice. It turned out my father had just stopped caring about their investments, accounts and income. Mom paid the bills but had no idea what their assets were and where they were. She didn't even bother to balance the checkbook - Dad always did that.

That's when my journey began...