I believe it is important to talk about our experience and share
our journey with others. So, here is my journey....
Many of us associate our most deeply-held convictions with a single, life-changing
experience. Others have always held certain beliefs to be sacred. But, when we get right down to it, our faith journey
is truly that...a journey. We are on a pilgrimage to our Heavenly Home and how we answer God's call and follow
His Will in the here and now will determine our place in Eternity.
My earliest memories of being in a church were when I was about
3 or 4 years old. My parents were still together at that time and we lived near this church. In my family, there
were four of us children; an older brother, an older sister, myself and a younger brother. This is the only time
I can remember, when I was a child, being in church with EITHER of my parents and all of my siblings together.
I remember it so vividly because of how VERY frightened I was.
The church was Apostolic Pentecostal and it was a very charismatic church. The pastor was standing high above
me at the pulpit yelling about the fires of Hell, how they burned, and how evil people were going to burn in Hell's
fires. I remember thinking that he was talking directly to me and I was the one going to Hell!! It is said
that children do not remember much before the age of 4 or 5, but I can tell you this ...if it was a bad experience, they
can remember it! This left a lasting impression upon me to this day.
When I was in the First Grade, my parents divorced. My father was
an alcoholic and when drinking he became violent with my mother and my older brother. I am sure my mother did her best,
but she could not keep the family together. I am not here to judge either of my parents; my father had an illness that
he couldn't control on his own and my mother did what she felt was best for us. They both loved us, of this I am
certain. From the time of the divorce, the major influence in our lives were my mother, my mother's parents and
my aunts and uncles. My mother had eight brothers and one sister, so she had alot of help with us. I
had wonderful grandparents and aunts and uncles. One of the main lessons I learned from them was to love God
and that we were family. Family loved each other and helped each other, unconditionally. I remember
going to church with my grandparents some at a little church in the basement of a building and the kids running
around, while the adults held church. It was always loud with both groups.
Our Loving Father sent us a "new" daddy when I was nine
years old. My mother met and married a wonderful man who raised us and loved us as his own. We were the children
he could not have and he was the daddy we needed. PRAISE GOD!! During this time until my teens, my sister
and I would go through spells where we would go to different churches that we were invited to by friends or other
people. We attended everything from Pentecostal to Methodist to Nazarene to who knows what else. Our parents
did not go, but they did not stop us from going either.
Of course, like most teenagers, during the teen years we forget about God
and anything spiritual. Boysfriends, girlfriends, and socializing are more important to young girls. We
quit going to churches and started sleeping late and having fun. When I was 14, I met my future husband, who
was a Catholic. In my senior year of high school I got pregnant.
We went to our parents, discussed the situation with them and we decided
that we wanted to get married and make a family for our little baby. You know, what a gift from God and little baby
is, no matter what the circumstances! His mother wanted us to be married in their church, by their priest. After
all the church hopping in my youth that was one we did not get to...a Catholic Church.
In the Catholic Church, marriage is a Sacrament and not to be taken lightly
at all, so the priest wanted to talk to Bob and me. He had told my mother-in-law that he would not marry us if he did
not think we were ready to make it work. Well, I was scared to death!! AGAIN!! I had never met a priest
in real life, let alone talked to one, and here I was a young 17 year old pregnant sinner. The day came for the meeting
and we got out of the car at the church. We walked through the doors of the church into the vestibule, through to the
main part of the church and wow... it hit me!! PEACE!! Peace. unlike anything I had ever felt before in my life.
It was wonderful!!
Well, the priest decided to marry us. We were married in a beautiful
ceremony, at Sacred Heart Parish, with friends and family around us for support. Four and one-half
months later we had a beautiful little boy whom we could not have loved more had we planned things in the normal way.
We tried to raise him as best we could while we were raising each other and trying to make ends meet. The Lord blessed
us with alot of help and support from both of our families.
During the early years of our marriage, we went to church on Sundays, occasionally. If we thought
about how infrequently we went, we would tell ourselves that we were too busy or too tired, trying to take care of the
baby and survive, to go to Mass. We usually just did not give it much thought.
My husband had a maternal grandmother who was a very devout Catholic.
She was one of those people who lived her faith and not just talk about it. She never had an unkind word to say about
anyone and you just knew she loved the Lord. There was always a peace surrounding her. I decided I wanted to be
just like her. She made a huge impact on my life and I will always thank God for allowing me to meet my husband so that
I came also to know her (and through her, His Church).
We managed to make it through to be blessed with another child in 2 years, a
precious little girl. When she was 2 years old, my husband's grandmother passed away. That was the first time
I prayed the Rosary. What an experience! I found myself listening to the Mysteries in the Rosary and thinking
of the life of Jesus like I had never done before and I felt it, that same PEACE of earlier when I walked into
my first Catholic Church!
When our oldest son started Kindergarten, we sent him to the parish school.
That is when we started to go to Mass on a more regular basis. Although I still did not know what I was doing or
why, I can tell you this now, I was receiving grace at those Masses. Even though I felt confused and
out of place, God was granting me His Grace through the Mass! What a gift!
Besides the grace from participating in Mass, I also know that my
husband's wonderful grandmother had been in Heaven praying for the final "nudge" I needed to take the big step. When our
daughter was 4, I started my instructions into the Catholic Faith. When my grandmother, the
Pentecostal, found out she told me I was going to Hell if I did it and for the first time in my life I heard all of the same old
arguments that I still get today; worshiping Mary, statues as idols, confessing to men, calling no man father, we don't
believe in the Holy Ghost...etc. I know she meant well and loved me always, but she had never met a Catholic
and was only repeating what she had learned from others. She did not really KNOW what Catholics believed.
Later she would come to accept me as a Christian, "You will know them by their fruits".
I was received into the Church on August 15, 1982, the Feast of the
Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary and my husbands 25th birthday. It was a wonderful, blessed day in which I
felt much grace and PEACE. To receive Our Blessed Lord in the Eucharist is something that cannot be explained
in human words. What Love He has for us to come to us and remain with us in this way; He came as a helpless little
baby in Bethlehem, when He could have come as a powerful grown man and He stays with us under the APPEARANCE of bread and
wine for love of us. I also felt the presence of Our Dear Blessed Mother in a very special way on that day
and have felt it ever since. She is always near to guide me back to her Son when I would start to make
those crooked little turn away from Him. That is what she does best, leads us to her Son. "Do whatever
He tells you."
In July of 1983, we were blessed with another little baby boy, who has
not stopped going since he graced us with his presence. He was a handful, but also a blessing. One month later
I received the worst phone call anyone could ever receive, my youngest brother was dead. He had committed
suicide. My grandmother, God rest her soul, told me that he was going to Hell because he had taken his
own life. I was devastated. I could not stop thinking of that and I cried out, "Lord, help me. Is this true?!?"
Wait, there it was again, PEACE! Well, the grace of God got me through that and many other things for years to come.
When our oldest son was in his teens, we went through a very rough
time. I remember one night lying in my bed crying, because I did not know where he was or even if he would
come home alive, and I just cried out, "Lord, he is Yours! You love him even more than I do. He was Yours
first and you gave him to me to love and care for and I have failed You and him. I cannot do
it anymore, I give him back to You. Your Will be done." There it was again, that very same PEACE!!!
As I look back now on my life I can see the Loving, Merciful Hand
of my Father in Heaven as he cared for me and took the crooked roads I traveled and made them straight. There
have been many times in my life that I have felt that peace which passes all understanding. It is usually
when I am dealing with something that I think, I can't take anymore, and when it comes, I just praise my Heavenly Father.
Once, I was worrying, how would I know if I was doing God's Will. I
was told by a very wise and holy person that I would know because I would be at PEACE. Praise God, I have
felt that peace on many occasions in my life. God is good and He makes all things work together for the good of those
who are called according to His purpose, even when we can't seem to follow a straight and narrow road on our journey to our
Heavenly Home.
I have many things to be thankful to God for, like the fact that my
husband and I will be married 30 years in April of 2006. Yes Praise God, because we did everything we could to tear
our marriage adn family apart, and it is only by HIS Grace that our marriage has survived. But, there is nothing
more that I am thankful for, than His taking my crooked roads and making them run straight through His One,
Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church. You see, I fall alot. I am a huge sinner. But, I can be
sure of one thing - ALL the help I need, to stay on that straight path leading to my Eternal Home, is right here
where God led me, Holy Mother Church. There are many paths we may take to walk with the Lord, but the
one with the most "road signs" and ALL we need; the best way, is by means of Her.
Do you know how I know that?
I am at PEACE!!!
May God bless you as He has blessed my life and give you that
peace!
Yours in the Hearts of Jesus and Mary,
Jeannie
