COMMUNICATION
Peoples biggest worry is what I am going to say to someone I don’t know. Talk about the subject you know most about and you will feel the most confident. Who knows more about you than you? Talking about yourself lets the other person know you so he or she can tell you of themselves. Giving information of you also relaxes the guard of the other person while giving a way to find common interests. Always give information just before asking questions. Questions are also a good way to stimulate conversation. Questions about hobbies, work, and where they live or have lived, are all good questions. Politics and religion are not good topics to ask questions about. When asking questions after the question has been answered give your opinion on the question then comment on what the person answered. Don’t ask one question right after the other as though you were interrogating, add something. When the other person talks look into their eyes and watch facial expressions to see what is meant. Give total attention. Everyone likes to have people around that are interested in him or her. Be observant when in someone’s home. Notice things hanging on the wall, pictures of family, books in bookcases. These are all clues to what interest’s people. Talk about these things and you will bring happiness to the hearts of these people. They will want you to be their friend. Do these things and you will be accepted. Acceptance is confidence. Knowledge helps confidence but being liked and accepted is confidence. The one and most important thing in creating confidence is to stop worrying about what people think of you. The word worry means you are thinking, visualizing, creating the worst to happen. Thinking is the same as doing. The mind doesn’t know any difference. If you have thought and visualized the worst happening then the body and the mind are going to react as though it really happened making you tense and sad. Think of a time when you were happy. This makes the body feel good and your mind is relaxed feeling joy throughout. You didn’t really live the time period over, but your body and mind reacted with happiness and joy as though you had really relived the happy experience. This works the opposite as well. If you were thinking of spilling a drink in your lap while talking to another person, you would have created the feeling of embarrassment for yourself and you would react that way. The person that you were talking to would not know your thoughts and would look at you questionably, not understanding why you are reacting embarrassed. Creating a chain of events, this ultimately would separate you because of improper communication. Think of the topics of the conversation and relaxing the other person. This in turn will relax you and not confuse the conversation with improper body language and facial expression. When meeting someone for the first time you usually exchange names. What happens is each will state their own name. This is what they hear. They’re own name. Have you ever looked in the phone book for your own name? You don’t have to look, it jumps out at you. This is the same thing that happens when you hear your own name. It has such a nice ring to it. That is the only thing we remember.

The next time you meet someone, make a conscious effort to hear the other person’s name. Repeat the name instantly, such as “Happy to meet you Mr. Smith”. Start each sentence that is directed at them with their name, such as, “Mr. Smith I agree, I’m glad you brought this point out”. Saying their name as many times as possible serves two purposes. It helps you associate the face with the name so the next time you see the face you will remember the name. There is no better sound than your own name. He will remember that you remembered his name. You have made a good impression and helped yourself at the same time.

If you’re notified before you meet someone, try to find out what are their hobbies, their interests. How do they get their recognition? These are all clues to talk about. Make a good impression. Study on the subjects of their interests. The reason you study is not to tell them what you learned. You study only to ask intelligent questions, and to show that you have something in common. People remember people that have their interest. Have you met people that are interested in the things you are interested in? Isn’t that how you met your friends?

A good conversationalist will find common interests so you both will have an entertaining exchange. The way to find common interests is to listen for key words that would indicate an interest. Key words show desire or knowledge of a topic or thing. If you have similar interests tell them you are interested. The conversation should be on its way to a success. An example would be, “I drove my new car to the beach last weekend”. You have plenty to work with here. You have his new car. Do you want to talk about his new car? You should. This man would like to. You could ask about the beach? What did you do? All his answers could stimulate a thought or time that was enjoyable to you. But the key word here is new. If it’s new I can assure you they are still interested. You can use key words too. Examples are have, like, went to, read. Always give appreciation and not flattery. Be sincere in your comments. Look for some-thing that you think is exceptional. If you think this is a good point then you may comment, but if you find nothing then say nothing about them. Flattery is one of the best ways to make a person suspicious of you. Make the other person feel important. Flattery only makes him think you think you’re smarter.

When expressing a thought or describing a place, don’t assume they already understand. They probably don’t understand. Draw clear pictures with your words. If I told you I bought a house, what would you answer? Probably, “that’s nice. That would be the end to that topic. If I told you I bought a home overlooking the ocean on a high rocky cliff. The home was made of red brick with white mortar, the roof was made of heavy shakes and there was a round glass dome on the back side of the roof. At night you could look out over the water and watch the sail boats sail into the beautiful red-orange sunset. Now you have more of a picture of the home and you know what I like about the home. There are plenty of things someone could comment on. Now the conversation can take many directions. We can talk about the house itself. We can talk about the cliff, the water, the sailboats or even the sunset. By painting a clear picture you stimulate thought. You also bring in many topics.

Conversation doesn’t have to stay on the same topic. It changes from topic to topic. A good listener will hear when one topic is wearing thin. By remembering what you have heard you can bring in a new topic. If I said I fished in Alaska the conversation might have directed towards Alaska, but we still haven’t talked about fishing. Conversation can roll from topic to topic until both parties are interested. No one will have to tell you this is the right topic. You will recognize this fact right away. The way you know is that both will want to talk at the same time. Learn to break the habit of not listening and just waiting to have your turn. If the poor guy takes a breath let him finish his thought. You will get your turn. If you listen you will find a friend. You might even learn something.

There may be a time when you come across a person that just doesn’t feel like talking. When this happens you can recognize this by their answers. Their answers will be very short. Such as a flat yes or no answer. If you have made statements that are clearly expressed and asked their opinion and you received a short answer, you can make one more try. If you receive no response you can assume they probably don’t want to talk.

If a group of friends have gathered for conversation, they all will have their role to play. One person would be the leader. One person or more could be listeners. One person or more could be the doers. One person could be the idea person. Everything in the group will go along smoothly. When someone wants to change positions there is tension, this will happen when another person enters the group. At first all will be threatened until they find out what position the newcomer will take. The threat then is on the person that holds that position. To be accepted or to change positions is a slow graded task. To give your opinion won’t work. To make a comment in agreement with the threatened person is the only way to get acceptance from the group. If the threatened person is insecure you will find negative comments coming your way. But it’s hard to throw negative comments at someone who honestly agrees with your point of view. You will soon win your place in the group. In a group of friends, all the people in the group have been talking except one. After a while the people seem to be talking as though that person was not even in the room. As soon as that person says anything the whole group will stop talking as if he just entered the room. They will all look at him in waiting. To a person that is shy what a shock. That will probably be the last thing he will say all night. To stop this from happening to you whether shy or not, when the conversation starts make comments in the very beginning, even if it’s only to say “Yes, I agree’. Keep commenting all through the conversation. Soon you will find it’s not any harder to talk in a group than it is to talk one to one. Remember; as you grow with confidence in talking, other people want to be heard too. Help those that need to learn your skills in communication, you will find a friend.

Human nature in speech goes through a complete cycle. When we are young and uncertain or shy, we are nervous inside and quiet outside. As we gain more knowledge and more confidence, we begin to speak out. We are looking for acceptance. We are using the world as a sounding board. As we become more confident with our thoughts, the less recognition we need. We no longer feel as though we have to protect our thoughts all the time. A person that is confident with his own thoughts can sit back and let others tell what they know. They don’t feel, as they have to stay ahead. They know they can catch up at any time. Besides knowing they can catch up, they know that you never win an argument. By arguing all you accomplish doing is making the other person more defensive of his point of view. The confident person listens quietly even when he disagrees. There is no emotional upset for him. He feels no threat or attack on his thoughts. He can feel calm, Listens to what others say, because he knows he might not always agree. He knows we are all in different stages of learning. It would be boring if we all knew everything. The confident person is ready to learn. What if everyone knew everything about everything? Who would teach whom? Who would tell whom what? Conversation would become boring as “Look at the grass its green”. So what. I know that. We don’t know everything so conversation is fun. We can listen and learn. We can tell others our opinions. Our opinions might not be right, but if no one ever listens, how can they agree or disagree.

There is no such thing as a quiet person. Have you ever sat alone in quiet room and tried to quiet your mind? It is almost impossible. Therefore what is the quiet person doing? They are analyzing everything they think of before speaking. This makes their conversation dull. They loose their spontaneity and flow of the conversation. Humor has to be spontaneous, quick and continuous. If you are honest and direct your thoughts to happy thoughts your conversation will flow smoothly with fun and humor. Just let what’s inside you out without discriminative thought you will shock yourself with your own wit and humor. That is all there is to it! Be yourself. Love yourself. You have a right to be heard. Let’s leave this subject with words of wisdom from the past. Man ceases to speak when he becomes comfortable with his own thoughts.