CONFIDENCE
In learning to be confident we should learn to accept our self. We know that
we don't know everything but neither does anyone else. So when you come to a situation where you don't have all the answers
there is no reason for fears. If you were to walk into a room of people that you did not know, there is no reason for fear.
First of all they are having the same apprehension as you. They don't know what you are going to do. So they are on guard.
The more sensitive you are the more you sense this. If you react with the same reaction by putting yourself on guard the tension
increases until you feel so uncomfortable you want to leave. If you react in an open manner then they will see that they don't
have to defend themselves from you. To be confident gives you the right to act and to know that you don't know every-thing.
To act with overconfidence is to deny you the right to learn. Overconfidence will put the other person on the defense.
Stay relaxed and open and you will be accepted. Being accepted is what most people
worry about. While we are worrying about what they're thinking about us you can't listen closely to what is being said. Then
we will not be able to participate in the exchange smoothly. Know that when you meet someone for the first time, they have
the same fears as you. We put our self on guard. The unknown is always frightful. Knowing this puts you one step ahead and
should help to relax you. Forget about what he or she is thinking about you. They're usually not thinking about you. They're
thinking of how they're being accepted. Leave the worry up to the other person and devote your energy to relaxing the other
person. You have heard of people that have a magnetic personality that everyone likes automatically. This is what they do.
Wouldn't you like someone that liked you and made you feel good?
The way to relax the other person is through tone of voice, body language and
conversation. A harsh voice is an aggressive voice; a weak voice is a shy voice. If you use a weak voice turn your back away,
cross your legs and take a low crouch. This indicates a shy, bashful, embarrassed person. If someone were that embarrassed
of you looking at him or her wouldn't you look the other way? People will look the other way respectively to how embarrassed
you act. This does not mean rejection of you. This means rejection of that emotion. It usually makes people feel uncomfortable
to watch or be with someone that is uncomfortable. The fastest solution is to leave each other’s company.
Learn to listen to your voice so you can transmit a warm, relaxing tone. Use
proper body language. Showing of the palms means openness. Watch the stance of the other person while talking. Assume the
same stance unless it is an aggressive stance. When sitting lean forward with interest. When standing in front of a person
there is an invisible territory barrier.
This is usually three feet with most people. If they need more room they will
step back, don't try to follow them. If they need to be closer they will step closer. If they step into your barrier stand
fast, don't move back, this is where they feel comfortable. If you were to move back this might cause them to think you are
rejecting them.
To help relax the other person, notice the rate of their breathing. Regulate
the rhythm of your words to the rate of their breathing. Keep the rhythm of your words at the rate of their breathing for
a short time. Then gradually slow the rhythm of your words. This brings you closer and helps relax the other person. This
is recognized only at the subconscious. First you follow synchronizing with the other person. Then gradually you lead slowing
your rate of rhythm. The other person should follow. When the other person becomes relaxed notice the eyes. The pupils when
you first met were contracted. As you gradually relax the other person by the rhythm of your words, the pupils become dilated.
This indicates to you that the person is relaxed. Copying a person's relaxed body posture (mirroring) is also helpful in relaxing
a person. But this can be recognized at the conscious level. You should be very careful when copying a person's body stance.
If this is done too harshly it will be taken as being rude.
All these things we can do will help in relaxing a person. What they will do
for you is keep your mind busy. When your mind is occupied with something that you have done before you radiate confidence.
Practice looking in the mirror and creating a rhythm to your own breathing. This also creates confidence in your ability.
After we have talked about ourselves, after we have relaxed the other person,
now what is next? The more knowledge we have, the more we are capable of holding a good conversation. Reading
is a good way for collecting knowledge. Read at least six books a year. Another important thing to help a person's confidence
is to be observant. A comedian has to be observant about life itself. He takes life’s situations; he takes words and
exaggerates them from another point of view. For example, take the word control. By itself, it designates power. Let’s
look at this word from another viewpoint. All of a sudden the flames burst from the wing of the plane. The plane started to
descend rapidly. I heard the captain come over the intercom. He said, "Everything is all right. Every-thing is under control."
Well, I knew right away this captain didn't have all the facts. My kidneys were totally out of control. He takes you into
a serious situation and then exaggerates the words or situation so out of proportion it makes you laugh. He has to be observant
to see everything. Timing is also very important. If you hesitate you will probably miss the moment. Set your filters in place
at all times. Know the environment your in at all times. Know what is acceptable in each group and what is not acceptable.
Don’t try to be funny if you don’t know your environment. Once you have set your filters what ever comes out of
your mouth is acceptable, spontaneous and usually entertaining to others. If you let yourself go you will probably find humor
that even makes you laugh.
While driving to work notice the color of the sky. Notice the buildings. See
the color, be alert, and be observant. As we go through our daily paths we have seen the same things so many times we don't
consciously look at anything. Look around you, see again. You will always have something interesting to talk about. All these
things will bring you confidence.
Remember arrogance is not confidence. As we begin to learn, it is hard to hold
back all this new information. Be relaxed and calm. You don't have to tell everything you know. Save something for next time.
Shy people and non-shy people are the same when they are not accustomed to the
social situation. The heart beats faster, the blood pressure rises. Trembling, clammy hands and irregular breathing are all
symptoms of shyness. These are also symptoms of stress.
What is the opposite of stress? Of course relaxation. How can a person relax
in a social environment they have not experienced? They can't. A way to create a social theater is to have a group of people
directed towards the same goal. Use each other for the needed experiences. Once we understand the social situation we create
patterns of social interaction. We can test these patterns in the group. Each time we test we become more confident, learning
from each new experience. You can create experiences in your mind. Act these experiences out in the mind. The mind not knowing
the difference between realities or visualizing the experience will create stronger patterns. The mind will become more
and more comfortable in these social situations. The thing that creates fear is the unknown. As soon as there is a good
workable pattern, the fear subsides. There is no longer a reason to fear what we understand and can perform. The more practice
the better we perform.
Remember confidence is not arrogance. Be compassionate
to those less fortunate than you.
GUIDE TO COMMUNICATIONS
1-USE APPROPRIATE LANGUAGE.
2-LISTEN TO FEEDBACK.
3-AVOID JUDGING WHILE LISTENING.
4-CONCENTRATE ON THE SUBJECT BEING PRESENTED.
5-RESTATE TO MAKE SURE YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT HAS BEEN SAID.
6-LOOK INTO THE EYES OF THE PERSON TALKING.
7-LISTEN TO THE TONE OF VOICE. THIS REPRESENTS FEELING AND EMOTIONS.
8-USE COLOR- PAINT A PICTURE WITH WORDS WHEN TALKING.
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ADD YOUR SUGESTIONS TO THE COMMUNICATIONS GUIDE
WHAT IS CONFIDENCE TO YOU?
WHAT IS ARROGANCE?
NAME THE COLORS IN YOUR LIVING ROOM THAT YOU CAN REMEMBER
WHY ARE PEOPLE SHY?
NAME SOME CLUES THAT WOULD HELP INDICATE A GOOD TOPIC FOR YOU TO TALK ABOUT.
NAME SOME TOPICS YOU SHOULDN’T TALK ABOUT. WHY SHOULDN’T YOU TALK
ABOUT THESE TOPICS?
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