HOW TO HANDLE PEOPLE

A lot of people think that what they like is exactly what everyone else likes. This is not true. Friends that send you a card for special occasions might feel hurt because you didn't send a card to them. To them, this means you have forgotten them. Watch how people treat others and this is how they want to be treated. There is no reason to read a person’s mind. When all you have to do is watch how the person acts. Treat them in the same manner.

Learn to control your temper. The next time you have a tense situation, let the other person do all the talking, let them talk and talk. Give them sympathy for the way they feel they have been treated. Soon, with your silence they will release all their tension and realize that you are sympathizing with their feelings.

The usual outcome of a situation is that they will feel embarrassed of their emotional outburst. This is when you can say something. Say something about how you felt when they were talking. Don't say anything about what they were talking about. Act as though you were the one that just had the emotional outburst. This should create a little relaxation and possibly a little laughter (when embarrassed we usually have a nervous laugh). The tension has been broken.

Another way to avoid a tense situation is to pause, and then repeat word for word exactly what you heard. Do this in a tone that carries no emotion. Say nothing from this point on. The pressure is now on the opponent. If they repeat the statement, stay silent in waiting for more information. Usually their emotion has dropped and they find themselves embarrassed. If there is silence stay silent. Say nothing until the other person speaks. Don’t let what the other person says affect you. One of you should be in control of yourself. Hopefully it will be you. You are playing the role of a sympathetic listener. How can they stay mad? You must be a nice person, and they now will listen to your words.

Sooner or later you are going to have to say no. You can't always act sympathetic when saying no. Before you say no always give respect to the suggestion, such as, "I can see why you could feel this way, I accept your point, it is a valid one, we are going to etc." Never insert But, "but we are going to etc." In saying no never use the word But. But I think, but I did. But says their thoughts don't count. Instead use the terms in my experience, it happened to me this way, in my opinion I see another way. This does not discount the validity of their words. It adds, with another point of view. Don't rush to correct. This gives time for any emotion to relax.

To control our emotions and temper we must learn not to put ourselves up for rejection. If we wear our emotions high, there will always be an inferior feeling person who needs someone to belittle. When a negative insulting person enters, you don't need to have your day destroyed. You are an intelligent person with the education and wisdom that have come with your years. You now know that most people don't understand themselves. How can anyone make judgment of you? They only show their insecurities by trying. Know yourself and be proud of your accomplishments. This alone helps control emotions and temper. Don't let others control your happiness.

PERSONALITIES

There are different personalities that all have to be treated differently. We should learn to recognize these different personalities and work with them accordingly. We should usually try not to make snap judgments of people but in this circumstance it is to your advantage and to the other person’s advantage to make a good fast judgment and treat them accordingly.

1. I want attention.

2. I'm in a hurry.

3. Please help me I don’t know what to do.

4. I know everything about it.

5. I'm O.K., you're a person too.

     6.  The Story Teller

1. I want attention. This person will do their best to waste your time. They will engage you in lengthy conversation where you do the listening. When you try to leave their company, they, if at all possible, will try to block your exit, or so to speak talk you into a corner. You can lose precious time if you don't learn how to take control under this kind of circumstance. If you have given the proper time to show respect and are in your own environment, to end the conversation, there are many different approaches you can take. One is to directly suggest an end to your meeting, such as "Thank you very much for your time. Have a good day." Then walk straight to the door. Open the door and stand in waiting. Don't speak. Another way of ending the conversation is to turn your back and make yourself busy. Don't look into the eyes of this person while you are trying to end the conversation. They will soon get the message that you are too busy to listen to them. They will be off to find someone else to listen.

2. I'm in a hurry. This person is exactly that. He's in a hurry. He usually does everything at the last moment. When you see this person he usually knows what he wants. Give him your attention quickly and he will be happy with you and on his own late way. Slow this person down and you will hear screams of frustration.

3. Please help me I don't know what to do. This person would let you take out their garbage. Everyone likes to tell people what they know. This person knows how to take advantage of this fact. They will lead you into a conversation where you get to brag a little or at least say you know something about a subject. Once you have stated that you know how to perform the task, they are your friend and their friendship should be plenty payment for your services. Watch carefully for this person. If they have the courage to ask you, then you have the right to say no. They will act as though your friendship is on the line but don't worry they have been turned down before. If they lost a friend every time they got turned down they wouldn't have any friends. So don't worry about this game. If you feel imposed upon, say no. Remember, any time during a conversation when you feel pressured and don't understand why, there is a game being played. This is your clue to say to yourself, stop. To recompose you say excuse me for a minute. Leave the room and go to the bathroom. They might follow you to another room but not in the bathroom. You have the right to close the door in anyone's face in the bathroom. While there, recompose your thoughts. Also you have broken the game pattern. As you open the bathroom door, start talking. While you were absent they were planning their game strategy. If you start talking first about a totally different subject and finish the statement with a question, you have done at least two things. You force him to talk and think of your new subject. You are in control. When thinking of this new subject they will forget their game plan. Try this. While in the middle of any conversation, ask a question that the other person is interested in. Let this new conversation go on for a minute. Then ask the person if they remember what they had just been talking about. Usually they have forgotten. If you give them a few minutes they should be able to remember. Don't give the game player a minute. Keep them off guard with interruptions and topic changes. They won't know what direction you're coming from. The game players sound as though they should have a category for themselves, but they blend into all categories. If you watch for him and are ready, you will always win, because his only offense is you.

4. I know everything about it. Most everyone can recognize this person. They really only want recognition, but in the process usually alienate themselves from others. There is usually only one way to handle this type of person and that is to leave their presence. If you're on your turf and can't leave their presence the alternative solution would be to tell them that you have to get ready to go somewhere and lead them to the door. This person need self esteem and usually will not get what he is looking for in this way.

5. I'm O.K., you're a person too. This type of person is usually a balanced person with a good sense of humor, does not play games and you will feel relaxed around this person. They will respect your opinion because whether you’re right or wrong, to them it doesn't matter. What matters to them is that you have the right to see things your way. This doesn't mean they're a pushover. They believe they have a right to their opinions as well as you do. These are the easiest people to get along with.

6.   The Story Teller. There is the person who likes to expand the truth. He's full of exciting stories. Here is a way to find out where the truth ends and the story begins. Ask this person to describe a person, place or thing. Watch the eyes. The eyes will move distinctly to one side. They may move from side to side from that point. But the first side that they went to is the reality side. The opposite side is the creative side or imagination side (lying Side). From this point on watch the eyes. They will tell you where the story begins.

1. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU HAD A DISAGREEMENT? DID YOU FIND YOUR SELF IN CONTROL, OR WERE YOU BEING CONTROLLED BY THE OTHER PERSON?

2. WHAT TYPE OF PERSONALITY DO YOU HAVE? (IN RELATION TO THE SIX TYPES LISTED ABOVE.)